Congrats Tyler 
you are amazing 
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Ok, first of all, I very well couldāve written this comment; it really resonates. I definitely think I ride the social-skills short bus. Secondly, props to you for showing up! I wouldāve found so many excuses to avoid that party. Youāre a good mum to be forging through that discomfort for your kiddos.
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Checking in daily! 42 Days Alcohol Free 
Itās six weeks since my relapse. It happened on a Sunday, so these check ins tend to make me reflect on what happened that Sunday, where my mind was at, and why I kept sneaking those sips. I actually thought at first it was five weeks ago and then realized it was six, so that made me happy! haha
Iām glad it was a bad experience. Iām glad it made me sick. Iām glad that it shocked me enough to realize I needed more support on my journey and to come back to the community here. Iām glad it didnāt turn into a bender or just bring me back to the pattern of drinking a little bit and then more and more until Iām lost in the addiction. Iām glad it helped me find freedom.
I was reading back through some of my old posts from over a year ago and found one from a relapse. Somebody encouraged me to see what I could learn from the relapse. Even though I slipped again after that, that piece of advice stayed with me. I have learned from each relapse, and Iāve gotten better at hearing the messages. I stopped just feeling guilty about it and started actually listening ā paying attention to the experience, even if I wanted to ignore it.
Interestingly, this same shift of attention, trying not to hide from negative emotions, looking at habitual tendencies that are harmful ā this same change has been happening with my relationship and how I relate to it. As some of you know, weāve been going through rough patches lately, but I can also see where Iām growing in how we talk about things, how we argue, where I can own my own feelings and admit if Iāve acted in a way that was detrimental, be more soft to when he acknowledges what heās working on. Even though itās been a challenging time, I think it is leading to more emotional strength and growth for me. I donāt think itās any accident that making progress with my sobriety is tied to working on my emotional well being and taking responsibility for how I show up in other areas of my life.
There is no linear path here. It takes us in many different directions, it loops around until weāve learned what we need to from an experience, it overlaps with other aspects of who we are, there are ups and downs, and sometimes it might even feel like we are going backward and forward at the same time. Iām glad to be along for the ride and to have you all here, even if we are spread out around the world. This is a special place. Thank you for seeing me and for supporting me.
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Iām so proud of you, and to read this MagicILY.
Congrats on 6 weeks. No looking back.
Protect your new sober date at all costs.
ODAAT
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I have 2 months 12 days of sobriety. I feel more alive, have more energy, emotion and time to do things. Been hitting the gym. Lost 18 #. Feel younger. Only 1 issue. I got over 1 bad upper respiratory infection a month ago and now it is back. I am on antibiotics this time after fighting it for 2 weeks. (Tested negative both times for covid).I never used to get sick. Why now? Arenāt I healthier? My neighbor told me thatās what you get for quitting alcohol. I know he is kidding but this is hard for me. A scotch sure would be nice, even though I know I wonāt. Has anyone else had health setbacks after quitting? Is that normal? I canāt imagine the hell Iāve put my body through over the years of drinking.
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I donātspeak German but I hope to feel better soon, got to get back to the gymā¦
Day 140.
6.16am.
Woke up to a cold freezing and rainy morning.
And what better to do on a morning like this when still in lockdown?
Make coffee and snuggle back into bed with a juicy book and be happy
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Yesterdayās outing with my ex went fine. The great thing about museums is that youāre encouraged not to talk. We unexpectedly got dinner afterward and that went alright too.
I remember, quite a few years ago now, she told me that she drank as much as she did so that she could deal with how I was when I drank. I was her excuse because I was terrible when I drank. Except that when I found that I liked drugs a lot more than drinking, and I was a much nicer person (see: apathetic) in that capacity, the excuse fell flat.
Still, even after I got clean and sober, I thought I owed herāthat maybe I owed her some kind of help or assistance. Even after I walked away, I thought I owed her something or some kind of helping hand.
Honestly, the best thing I ever did for myself was a few months ago telling her I was sick of the way she treated me, even though she wanted to keep a connection, and that I wasnāt interested in the kind of dynamic she was offering me. Long story, but she still wanted that connection, so I told her that from that time forward I would give her exactly the kind of treatment she gave me.
After much though, she realized that she didnāt want me to treat her how sheād been treating me and our relationship has improved.
I guess it was that feeling of guilt which let things continue in that way. I take full responsibility for who Iāve been in the past. And yet, at a certain point, the past must be laid to rest. There must be personal salvation in our own eyes, and we have to allow for the understanding that weāve punished ourselves enough and move on.
Still there for her anytime she needs a genuine outreach for her drinking, but I canāt do it for her and she has to decide for herself. No matter how much I want that for her, she has to want it for her.
I canāt be her excuse or her savior.
@KellyKelly Happy birthday!
@TeamMeyer great job on your 30 days!
@Private50 Does this mean that if you donāt find the card, then she canāt buy anything else? 
@MolotovMoxie Youāre doing great. Just keep going.
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@050Nl sorry about your friend 
sending prayers
@Dee134 congrats on 5 months
@Private50 congrats on 9 months
@KellyKelly happy sober birthday 
@TeamMeyer congrats on 30 days
@Misokatsu @Tomek @RosaCanDo @icebear @Its_me_Stella thank you all so much for the support, it means a lot to me
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@Nordique @Irisees919
@anon53116147 @Lisa07 @Squirt @Claartje
@Mno @pinkcloud @Chiron @Hopeful777 thank you all so much for your support, it means a lot to me
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@Sunny11 thank you so much
398 days no alcohol.
366 days no cocaine.
4 days no disordered eating.
Thank you to everyone who reached out the past few days, it really helps to know Iām not alone with the ED struggles.
Yesterday I visited my friend, I took with me a bottle of the alcohol free spirit that Iāve been wanting to try, it tasted like clove water but was fairly pleasant with some sugar free lemonade. We chatted, I laughed a few times and I havenāt laughed for so long so that felt really nice. It was good to see her. Sheās still in active addiction but shows signs of wanting sobriety, she is just struggling with acceptance and admits that.
I havenāt restricted or binged for 4 days, but I have been having some extra toast in the late evening, it isnāt the end of the world by any means but Iād like to stop that. Insomnia doesnāt help. Regardless, Iām feeling a little stronger in my recovery from ED. I have no desire or urges for takeaways or junk food, my last binge really showed me what I donāt want, so Iām holding on to that.
I have been looking at the website for the gym/swimming āpopular timesā, and it shows that every day it is least busy between 1pm and 3pm, so Iām trying to build up some courage to return there during those hours. 
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Day 13 almost at an end. We had another early morning of soccer and 3 hours of games. I am super proud of my kid, heās taking on two teams and working so hard this year. My girl got back home today, she was out of town with her dad, weāre about to play some games and watch tv for the rest of the evening. I prepped food, but did not get around to cleaning the house, but Iām letting it be okay today, because Iām crazy exhausted. Definitely early to bed tonight.
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Checking in at 50 days sober.
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Checking in to make this day 14 sober!
Woke feeling a sense of sadness wash over me. I miss someone I love and wished they wanted me in their life as much as I do theirs.
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Congratulations on you 2 weeks Kelly. Iām sorry for your sadness but very happy you can feel the sadness and process it with out numbing your feelings.
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Checking in just enjoying whatās left of Sunday watching the game and still sober
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Hey Tyler. So sorry I missed this. Huge Congratulations on your 1 year of freedom from cocaine. That is so amazing. Very proud of you buddy.
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Belated Congratulations on your 6 month Lee
Never too late to celebrate.
Great job.
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I hope Iām not too late.
I hope you had a wonderful birthday. Sober birthdays are the best.
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Tyler!!! Huge congrats on 1 year without cocaine!! I loved reading about your journey. You are really amazing! 
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