- Coffee. In a couple of hours my sis will pick me up and we’ll drive east to scatter my mum’s ashes, nearly 8 years after she died. In the last weeks I finally started to think in earnest about her, my relationship to her, my family and my place in it, growing up. All things I never thought about because when I turned 14 I decided it was all too much. I discovered weed and the forgetfulness and numbness it gives and found it a good space to be in. Not to have to feel the feels and think the thoughts. Together with drinking, smoking became my self chosen prison where I didn’t escape from for nearly 40 years.
Of course drugging and boozing also perfectly fitted my personality traits of avoidance, isolation and self loathing. In fact it enforced and reaffirmed those traits. For me recovery means finally finding myself, finally working on bettering my life, finally making my own decisions. Finally overcoming these traits and learning how to live this life which I never learned and never really lived because I was way too afraid to do so.
Never again. I’m sober and clean and I can make my own way now. One day at a time. It’s still damned hard work and today I’m facing some hard truths but I can do it. I’m not alone. I got you with me. Have as good a Sunday as you all can friends. Love. Pic is my mum how she loved to see herself.
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I made it to two weeks this morning. Most of you can appreciate how big that is for someone who can’t even remember the last time they made it that long. (15 years ago?). Thank you to all of you in this group. I find it a place of understanding and supportive for a challenge that most can’t relate to.
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@Mno Lovely pic! She seems like a character🥰.
Day 404
Husband was out this afternoon, so I made boxed lunches and went by bicycle to a park with a little lake. An older couple fishing with their grandkids let my kids have a go on the rods. A little badminton and insect hunting was also done.
In other news, the cat has fleas. So to the kids’ absolute delight we will be giving him a bath tomorrow. Poor Noisy.
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Hey all, checking in on day 462. I hope everyone’s weekend is going well!
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It’s a very big deal. Make sure to celebrate that milestone today. Very well done.
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Day 464 clean and sober today. Had to reset my smoking counter, had a cigarette with my coffee this morning. Wore the patch all night and had a nicotine lozenge as well before I caved. Very much a mental thing I’m finding. I hope everyone has a beautiful day today, love you guys! 
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D 353
I’m here, I don’t watch porn because I don’t watch porn. Do you hear that, my addict brain?? I DON’T WATCH PORN ANYMORE. You mother trucker… 
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This is profound my friend, me either! Keep up the good work I’m sooooo proud of you!!! 
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Congratulations @MolotovMoxie well done!!!
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Your Mum seems like she was a total rockstar from that picture. 
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You are right, it is.
I joined this forum 2 days before I stopped using but unfortunately I chose to delete my first account so all of my posts from the begining of my journey were deleted. I see now how that was a crappy move but alas we live and learn. If I hadn’t done that you could have seen first hand the struggles I had during the first few months, making this same trip with my days intact.
Staying clean those first few months when we have lots of emotions is not easy but eventually with hard work one can find peace.
Congrats on your days.
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Woooohooooo!!!
30 consecutive days without booze.
Congrats.
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very nice Allen, congrats mate. Do you remember when doing 150 days seems impossible, now there’s just the small fact you got 1000 in front of it 
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57 days of sobriety!
Attended a wedding reception sober for the first time ever. I went into the wardrobe to dust off my old go-to wedding attire, and everything was either covered in wine stains or ripped from my drunken shenanigans. Stitched up the least damaged dress, but I think I’ll invest in something new next time.
The bar had alcohol-free berry cider, so that was my drink of the night. People were pretty good about leaving me alone when they realised I wasn’t drinking alcohol.
A few realisations I had:
-I never needed booze to be or have fun, nor to be a better conversationalist around strangers.
-High heels hurt sooooooo much more when you’re sober. Never wearing them again!
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2 weeks is huge!!! They were the worst for me to get through, hopefully that is the case for you too!!!
Congrats, keep going 24 hrs at a time.
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Checking in and feeling good today. Big things in the works, well, big for me. I’m meeting up with a woman on Tuesday to go walking and it’s the first time I’ve tried making a friend here in quite some time. She shared on a local Facebook group that I’m on that she’s new to town and looking to meet people. I’m a bit nervous! Totally out of practice. But I feel like it’s important to try. I’ll bring Lupe with me, so that helps, even though when she’s out on a leash she’s not very social with people. She’s pretty obsessive about checking out her surroundings and couldn’t care less about people. It cracks me up, honestly, because she is so affectionate at home with anyone. What a strange half feral creature. Oh and there’s the whole trying to get pregnant thing…yeah, it feels like a lot going on in my world. Glad to be taking real steps for myself and my future though! Sending you all a big hug 
as it seems like it’s needed.
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Congratulations!
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Another day went well. Except a slight headache, probably caused by the weather change.
A week or so ago I had to buy alcohol for a dinner at my place. Just a couple of friends whom I told I stopped drinking but never explained I REALLY had a problem with booze.
Anyway, cooking was both fun and stressful (just a bit), cause one of them is on keto, the other vegetarian, the third one doesn’t eat dairy 
. There was just the two of us “omnivores”. I could have ordered food from a restaurant, but this was way better and “homey”.
After the dinner, I’ve put the half full bottles on a kind of bar/table in my dining room. I regularly dust, vacuum etc., but only today I noticed the bottles of gin, whiskey and acquavite. The red wine is probably in one of the kitchen cupboards I don’t use.
So I realized I had no problem with having alcohol in my house, but I will - just to be on the safe side - remove it one of these days.
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