Icebear checking in at 99 days.
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No problem, happy to explainš. It was yummy!
@Dolse71 Lol, in my dark days that was me too. But with a program I donāt find beer, sake, etc, very tempting. Hard lemonade, however, I do not need in my house.
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Just a note to myself: there is no āproblemā, itās all in my head. If I was once able to love, socialize, relax, trust, be happy, content, disciplined etc when I had deepest problems, I sure as hell CAN without them!
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Donāt be too hard on yourself. All those behaviors can be difficult in the best of circumstances. It doesnāt mean thereās something āwrongā if some are harder than others or do not easily come naturally āon demandā. Just one step at a time and be yourself, whatever that is, hopefully your comfort zone will begin/continue to expand.
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Iām checking in on day 12
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Checking in day 27th
Whoohoo!! Still fightingā¦
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So awesome !! Congratulations ! 
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Checking in Day 48 without alcohol. Itās been a fun weekend (for the most part) but Iām ready for it to be over. Iām getting a bit burned out with the visit from my boyfriendās family. They can be intense, and today we went on a little adventure. Saw a beautiful drive and went for a nice scenic drive, but for a good part of the time they were just really high and confused about what was going on. Itās just gets a little annoying and boring, but I tried to focus on the good parts of the day. They leave in the morning and I mostly just plan to clean, relax, and probably take an afternoon nap so I can be rested for the week ahead. Too much social time really takes it out of meā¦
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Good morning, up early for a walk with the dog and then a walk in the woods with a friend. Meal prepping this afternoon for the upcoming week. Iām getting more and more organized
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Day 39/429 pills / booze
Today I wonāt drink or take pills.
Peace.
Mark2
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I notice Iām getting more organized too. (30)
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Iām reading it now too. I really like it so far. I should be reading it now instead of posting here. 
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- Coffee. In a couple of hours my sis will pick me up and weāll drive east to scatter my mumās ashes, nearly 8 years after she died. In the last weeks I finally started to think in earnest about her, my relationship to her, my family and my place in it, growing up. All things I never thought about because when I turned 14 I decided it was all too much. I discovered weed and the forgetfulness and numbness it gives and found it a good space to be in. Not to have to feel the feels and think the thoughts. Together with drinking, smoking became my self chosen prison where I didnāt escape from for nearly 40 years.
Of course drugging and boozing also perfectly fitted my personality traits of avoidance, isolation and self loathing. In fact it enforced and reaffirmed those traits. For me recovery means finally finding myself, finally working on bettering my life, finally making my own decisions. Finally overcoming these traits and learning how to live this life which I never learned and never really lived because I was way too afraid to do so.
Never again. Iām sober and clean and I can make my own way now. One day at a time. Itās still damned hard work and today Iām facing some hard truths but I can do it. Iām not alone. I got you with me. Have as good a Sunday as you all can friends. Love. Pic is my mum how she loved to see herself.
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I made it to two weeks this morning. Most of you can appreciate how big that is for someone who canāt even remember the last time they made it that long. (15 years ago?). Thank you to all of you in this group. I find it a place of understanding and supportive for a challenge that most canāt relate to.
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@Mno Lovely pic! She seems like a characterš„°.
Day 404
Husband was out this afternoon, so I made boxed lunches and went by bicycle to a park with a little lake. An older couple fishing with their grandkids let my kids have a go on the rods. A little badminton and insect hunting was also done.
In other news, the cat has fleas. So to the kidsā absolute delight we will be giving him a bath tomorrow. Poor Noisy.
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Hey all, checking in on day 462. I hope everyoneās weekend is going well!
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Itās a very big deal. Make sure to celebrate that milestone today. Very well done.
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