Checking in on day 70
17 Likes
Checking in with 3 days 11hrs sober 
Today, Iām grateful for the serenity prayer, coffee, and this community
12 Likes
Day 460
Interesting day to say the least,
I remember you might remember some things I touched on cause Iām getting really bad at this,
But Iāll give the cliff notes.
I told you all about my best friend who relapsed, and I had to cut ties to avoid relapsing with him, he reached out today, got to talking, he just got out of detox, he told me he overdosed for the first time and his father had to revive him, he woke up in the hospital with a bunch of cops around and thought he was going to jail, needless to say it was a bit of a wake up call, Iām hoping this is rock bottom for him. We chatted heās talking about coming back to NoVa, thinks it will be better for him to be around his network instead of checking in via phone and bullshitting it while copping dope in the background. Letās hope itās just not all talk,
The audition I went to that I considered a bust, turned out to be an door opening for me, while the group was terribly unprepared, played things wrong, and Iām trying to wing it in the background, the studio owner passed my name on to a few other groups, who all been asking me for time to work with them, Krass Judgement is still in the mix, but kinda on a hiatus at the moment, thatās my main project but we be short a heavy metal drummer.
In a week I should be in sunny California, for a nice break.
And then when I get back o need to get back on a routine, my therapist said it will help me, I love music but Iām getting burned out just by focusing on that, itās becoming a chore to pick up a guitar, itās my addict brain telling me more more more, yet I have not focused on other parts of my life, family, my relationships with others, hell I couldnāt tell you the last time I logged into Netflix or Hulu, just to watch something. Havenāt attended a meeting in weeks, I got to get better at budgeting and saving money, im looking at my bank account thinking about the thousands in gear I could buy, instead of hey letās make sure you got funds to CYA
While I may be strong in sobriety I seem to forget sometimes that not drinking or drugging is only one step, change of behavior is the next balancing my life and reaching my goals is also part of that, the logic brain vs the addict brain is a daily struggle
20 Likes
Dally check in doing ok Not feeling to well today
And had to put up with bs last night but still clean
12 Likes
Kind heart, thank you. As someone who often has felt (and sometimes still feels) stuck, your words lift me up. Your posts help me so much, I can relate to much of what you said without have the words myself to express the ideas. 
4 Likes
Thanks Sarah!
2 Likes
Fun!! Where are you headed to??
3 Likes
When international flights resume by next year hopefully, my first trip will be to the west coast and then do a road trip across to the east coast. I want to come over for at least 3 months.
5 Likes
Yikes, @Girlinterrupted, glad you are OK! Hey @C_8 chip butties Thursdays sounds great, sign me up! Good to see you @JuliaLuna and congratulations on the little one! I hope you feel better @Dazercat. Chronic pain is not fun.
Lots of milestones, keep it up all! Day 103 here. Chugging along.
9 Likes
I hear you there. I identify with a lot of what you shared. That internal dialogue - the internal conversation - itās important to make space for it, to let it breathe, in the context of the whole you, the whole self (including the family, recovery, and personal time, as you mentioned).
Iām home from the gym and feeling good. I always feel good after a vigorous cardio workout & a shower at the gym after work. I work in a high pressure job & juggle a lot of commitments - and running it out after work always makes me feel better.
In terms of my sobriety this summer has been a bust for me. Just terrible. Iām in that addict cycle where I try to be everything and inevitably things fall apart. I need to be more humble - and more healthy (in terms of taking time each day to check in & connect with my supports).
Thank you all for being here. I appreciate you so much. You - we - deserve safe, sober lives where we can be our full selves. 
12 Likes
Day 2. Iām feeling back on track, had therapy yesterday and it was so helpful. We talked about tools to stop and think before just following the impulse,among other things. Iām exhausted. Work is ramping up, and I feel Iām dealing well, I just have to start putting in extra hours to get it all done. Going to bed early so I can tackle my Friday clear and sober. 
16 Likes
Iām just checking in. Day 17
13 Likes
Checking in sober and feeling good. The cooler weather equates to more energized pups during walks. Usually they wear out halfway but itās a power walk through these days. Both of my football teams (college and NFL) are playing simultaneously and close so maybe that is keeping me amped up. I believe I have my evening happenings and routines figured out once I start my new schedule, so the idea of checking out with alcohol after work is less and less desirable or an option ā less likely for the switch to be flipped. Gotta have my tools ready, that is for sure.
Wishing everyone a peaceful night/day!
14 Likes
Checking in Day 53 Alcohol Free.
Another day, glad Iām not drinking.
I continued to feel really tired today. I know itās caused by hormones and itās going to shift in the next day or so, I just hate this feeling of tiredness and increased anxiety. Tonight it was hard to shut down the anxious thoughts in my mind even though I knew they werenāt rational. I have an annoying thing going on Iām trying to fix with finances and my car insurance, and itās a pain and I start to spin out on things that should not be that big of a deal ā like changing my address, updating paperwork, etc. I start thinking about money and getting down on myself because I donāt have much saved and Iāve had to pay for a bunch of stuff lately, which spins out into thoughts like Iām never going to be able to make a decent amount of money, never be able to buy a house, never be able to afford to have children, and Iām 36 so Iām running out of time and on and on. I know itās an unnecessary chain reaction from the actual immediate task of dealing with the insurance issue, but it starts up and stresses me out and makes it really difficult to just do the thing I have to do.
Iāve got some tools to deal when it all starts spinning out in my mind. But it still happens. Itās like I canāt cut it off at the root. Again, itās a cyclical thing, not something constant day after day but Iāve been in the thick of it this week and feeling mentally and physically exhausted.
Not drinking thoughā¦!
15 Likes
That is really tough April, I canāt imagine.
2 Likes
2Y 0M 1D
These next few months are going to be challenging for me. If thereās one thing I love though, itās a challenge and Iām going to enjoy every minute of it. Iāve been trying this past week to quit smoking. I decided to keep my last cigarette as a momento and see if I can hold off until my patches run out. I know I can do it and I will!
18 Likes
- Reading through the thread I see Iām not the only one having a bit of a tough time. Anyway. Coffee. Back to work for another five days. I hardly slept as my shoulder is killing me. Yesterday while seeing the PT it was OK of course. Going to be a long day at the office. Hope to get a doctors appointment to talk pain relief.
Had a tough group therapy session too. Talking about parents. Tough for me I guess because Sunday itās the day my dad died 7 years ago and Monday my mum 8. And since scattering my mumās ashes last weekend Iāve been thinking and feeling lots about my past and it isnāt all good. I guess itās necessary to finally process.
Grateful I donāt drink nor do I think drinking or drugging would do me any good under the circumstances. Under any circumstances. Iām sober and clean and plan on remaining that way. So I can move ahead with my life. One day at a time. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Love.
@CNevarezN 2 years Carlos! Huge congrats my friend. As to quitting smoking: I know you can do anything you set your mind to. You do need a good plan in place to make it after your patches run out. You read Allen Carrās Easy way to stop smoking? I can highly recommend it in helping you create the right mindset. And I would get rid of your last cigarette, discarding of it with a nice ritual. Did you keep a bottle of scotch as memento when you quit drinking? Success anyway friend.
27 Likes
Congrats on your 2 years!!!
4 Likes