Checking in daily to maintain focus #34

After constantly failing I’m here to try again. I have recently made huge changes in my life to lower my stress. I’ve not been feeling too good about myself and I just gotta do it. I’m sure many people will judge me, or expect me to fail and that’s okay. I’m doing this only for me. I’m not the kind of drunk who gets intoxicated every time I drink. Many times, I have 2 to 3 drinks and no one really notices. Occasionally, of course, I get stupid drunk and become annoying. Mostly what I’m hoping for is improved self-esteem and more energy. I’m sure my liver will be happier too. I also need strength to leave my girlfriend of 13 years. She constantly abuses me, both verbally and physically, and that definitely drives me to drink. I left last night and need to stay away…I always go back though because we have so much of our lives intertwined. It’s hard.

Anyhow…short version of above is last night I had 3 drinks and hoping to be my last. Good day everyone.

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Yikes, sorry you’re ill. Hang in there and take care of yourself.

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I’m glad to see you back and making changes for yourself. You do have the ability to do so, and it’s so much harder alone.

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Welcome back I am happy to read you are making steps towards a better life for yourself. Co-dependancy is pretty common among addicts, and a lot of times it’s what keeps us feeling like we can not make it without the other people or person in our life. There is actually a 12 step program based on this and I know quite a few addicts who have done a set of their steps which have been super helpful in their recovery.
I hope you find the strength to stay away from her. Nobody deserves to be treated in such a way that their body, mind and spirit are in danger. We are all here for you so lean on us when you are feeling weak… there is much more strength in numbers.

:pray::orange_heart::pray:

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Another day sober and drug free.

I can wake up tomorrow with no regrets.

Happy weekend everyone

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Welcome back John.
Good to see ya again.
ODAAT. You’re worth it.
:pray:t2::heart:
Advice for new comers and constant relapsers

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Day 168 alcohol free. Took my daughter to an early morning travel softball team tryout. I’d have never done that when drinking as I’d be either still asleep or nursing a hangover. She kicked ass. Killing my legs at the gym presently then headed to my son’s travel baseball team tryouts. Pretty cool Saturday here in the American midwest. Take care all.

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Way to go! My journey is just beginning but it feels very positive!

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Day 6 done, Day 7 here I come! Still feeling good. Had an urge yesterday after work, normally Fridays we meet at the Pub for drinks, so my mind wanted that! However it did not last and I worked through it. Right now (not sure if it’s right or wrong) but I’m avoiding going to those types of places. I hope it that future I can go back to the Pub and socialize knowing I will be happy with an alcohol free drink!

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@Olivia @Mno @Chiron thank you for your words of support, means a lot :blush::blue_heart:

@Thirdmonkey what a day indeed! I’m glad everyone’s okay. I hope today was better :pray:t2:
@Soundlab congrats on double digits :tada: I hope you made it to London safely :pray:t2:
@KellyKelly welcome back :slightly_smiling_face:
@Amawat88 I’m so sorry that your boyfriend doesn’t seem to be supportive, that sucks. I hope you find some more support when you do feel able to open up to others :pray:t2: sending strength :blue_heart:
@C_8 congrats on 2 years :tada::star2::star2:
@Complicatedmama you are an amazing parent :blue_heart: have a great time in your Care Bear costume :partying_face:
@EarnIt I’m glad you managed to get out of the spiraling thoughts, sending strength :blue_heart:

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@4lilcinny congrats on 3 weeks :tada:
@Craig congrats on your month+ :tada:
@kat261 congrats on 80 days :tada:
@Smiller welcome :slightly_smiling_face: congrats on day 1 :tada:
@Jdiaz welcome back :slightly_smiling_face: breaking free from an abusive relationship is so hard but always worth it. Sending strength :blue_heart::pray:t2:

439 days no alcohol.
407 days no cocaine.

Lost the battle again with food. Was doing so well distracting myself, even went out and started my Xmas shopping and bought some halo top ice cream instead. Tonight though, I ordered pizza, and more ice cream and coca-cola from the place where I’ve been craving it from for the past month. I’m really hoping that once I’ve eaten the second pizza tomorrow, I can restart my diet on Monday and get back on track.

Some days I really could down a bottle of vodka with some sleeping pills, but then I remember I don’t do that anymore.

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Crazy how -to me too- this once seemed like a normal thing to do. And funny -not funny at all, but I don’t know how else to word it- how reading this, the first thing that came to my mind just now was suicide. Killing myself. This is what I was actually doing when I used. And not even slowly. We got plenty of time and opportunity to die. Not going to hurry it or do it ourselves Tyler. Let’s stay sober and clean. Let’s live. ODAAT. Hugs.

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Checking in on day 191.
Yesterday I posted about declining an invitation to go to a party tonight, because I didn’t want to hang out with drunk people or to be in awkward social situations. Tonight I’m sitting on the couch alone and wish I had gone 🤷🙈 somehow I can’t get it right. ​
Am I heading in the right direction? Or am I just isolating myself? Is being gentle to myself necessary to slowly rebuild my life? Or am I using my sobriety as an excuse, because I’m too lazy to get out of my comfort zone? Can’t decide.
Repotted some of my plants today, they’ll keep me company 🪴 impulsively baking oatmeal cookies. Then I’ll finish watching my Netflix show and go to bed. After tossing and turning for hours I’ll go to sleep around 3am like ever night for the past couple of months.
What a night. Sorry for the rant, feel better now I let it out. Hope you’re having a great saturday :raised_hands:

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Both?!

I just finished reading “We are the Luckiest.” She barely went anywhere with a drinking environment for two years! You have to do what you have to do. I didn’t question at all when you said you didn’t want to hang out with a bunch of people who were drinking. I sure don’t like it. Hanging out with drinkers isn’t fun sober. I’d venture to say even if you don’t have a drinking problem, it’s not fun. Today you’re lonely and that’s the only reason you are questioning it. I, for one, think you made exactly the right choice.

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Thank you Jené, you are so right. I really feel extra lonely today and needed to hear that. Being sober has to be the top priority, even if it means isolating myself at times.
Hanging out around drunk people painfully reminds me of myself and I hate it.
I read We are the luckiest a while back and I really liked her take on sobriety, might get back to it tonight!

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I really want a beer or 10 today. I’m sober but just saying that out loud.

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:100: IT’S RIGHT!!

Congrats on your 6 days. Great job :+1:
:pray::heart:

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image
:pray::heart:

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Sitting here in my house checking in, chore Saturday is actually feeling good, my thumb print Pandora music playing in the background, painted a shelf (watching said paint dry). Daughter dropped off the puppies to dogsit while they go to a pumpkin patch. They’re sleeping. Husband went into town.
I like being alone. It’s so relaxing. I just dont have the anxieties I have when I’m around people. Something about how I was brought up with high expectations from my family that created this monster of recurring thoughts; Am I doing this right? does this look okay? What are others thinking of me? I’m too fat, too plain, too short. And then the imposter syndrome; when are they going to call me out on this? I drank to quiet the voices.
I’m trying to deal with all the insecurities now, reminding myself I am enough.
Anyways. I hope you all are having a fantastic day!

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