Happy Hallow’s eve!
Checking in on 30 days. Was a bit of a struggle the last couple days due to posting a futon free on facebook marketplace and then trying to navigate the scammer who wanted me to send them a google code… and then the “is this available” questions and after I respond, no reply. I was ready to give in last night. Why is that my weakest moments- When I feel frustrated with the human race? At the same time I was considering trying to put the 6’ futon in my SUV, driving it to a couples apartment an hour away and then helping them navigate it down a narrow hallway…I seem to lack some clear boundaries.
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Phew checking in. It’s day 6 sober for me. I skipped the Halloween party last night and watched scary movies at home instead. Much happier. Feeling refreshed and I actually feel like playing graveyard keeper today. I haven’t been in the mood for video games in what feels like forever.
Happy Halloween I hope you all have a great one. 
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Day 981
I seem to be reading a lot of posts at the moment regarding socialising with friends that drink. Perhaps it’s all the Halloween parties, or perhaps I’m just picking up on it because it has also been on my mind.
This weekend was my oldest friends birthday. We have known each other for nearly 30 years. He had rented a big Airbnb in the middle of nowhere for the weekend and invited a load of people. I was a bit nervous about going tbh, not that I would drink, moreso that I might have a rotten time. Truth is it was a really good time, but I had to make sure I had things in place to aid that, and also to accept that I was going to have a very different time to everyone else.
So they all partied until the early hours. I was in bed by midnight. As soon as the conversation died I was out of there. I was up early, long before anyone else. I cleaned the bomb site that was the party, which may seem odd to enjoy cleaning up after people, but I did. I then sat and admired my work with coffee and TS.
Then went for a nice walk by myself
By the time I got back people were stirring so I stuck around for just long enough to receive my much deserved praise for the cleaning and headed home.
I just wanted to share really to show what hanging out with drunk friends is like for me at this point in my journey. I don’t do it often, and only when I think I will have something to enjoy for myself from it. If this was just going out to a club for someone’s bday I wouldn’t have gone anywhere near it. And I can say with conviction that I had a much better time than if I had gotten leathered.
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Oh, he knows that I’ll be talking to him about it, whether he wants to or not. I’ve seen parents say it often, and quite mistakenly, “My kids and I are so close. We talk about everything.” But in our situation, we actually are all really close. Having kids at age 18, and being a good mom to them, will do that, because you grow up with them. Plus, I raised them to be their own selves and not “little me’s”.
I know how hard it is to quit and that it’s not his fault, but it IS his responsibility. And although I feel responsible for him, it’s not my responsibility. That really hurts to say, but he’s an adult and I just can’t keep up. And you’re right, I saw the defeat in his eyes, that look of frustration that turned to resentment, because I said something. It breaks my heart, but I’m not giving up on him.
Thank you for the love. 
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Thanks so much, Eric. You know as well as any parent who’s gone through this. It is heart wrenching. I just want to re-wire his brain and be done with it! I felt physical pain yesterday, when I saw him and knew that he was drinking. Lots and lots of tears and hopelessness on my drive home, but for myself, I did feel like a weight just lifted. I know now that I’m wanting this more for him than he wants it for himself. Sadly, it doesn’t work that way.
Thank you for your kind and loving self. 
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I got to thinking about how this statement might have come across to some. On a second read it could come off as blasé or like alcohol addiction isn’t serious. Just wanted to clarify that it absolutely is an addiction that I am recovering from and working at it each day because my life and well being depend on it. The realization I had a month + ago was that one of the core contributing factors fueling my addiction is this codependency part of me and that part of my recovery needs to include working on this aspect of myself. Folks in AA would call it a “character defect,” I tend to look at is as a damaging application of the parts of my self that feel and care deeply for others, my empathy, and a twisting of these things that has led me to numb with alcohol in my life.
Thanks for reading 
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Checking in on Day 88 and feeling good! Ordered a bubble tea for my son and I on uber eats. Going to hit an in-person NA meeting tonight with a friend who I drive.
Wishing all of you a clean and sober 24!
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Day 8
It was beautiful sunny day, and actually I had some flashbacks to buy some beer. It is always harder on those sunny days I believe for most of us.
Anyway spend day traveling around with my girlfriend.
First we visited old soviet WW1 bunker. It is Fortness number 8 from 9 Forntness structure all around my city. It was constructed and renovated between 1882 and 1915. The complex was the largest defensive structure in the entire state, occupying 65 km2. During World War II parts of the fortress complex were used by the Nazi Germany for detention, interrogation, and execution. About 50,000 people were executed there.
Then visited some beautiful places and had nice dinner in restaurant there. Ofcourse I have but do not use the GP passport because of my believs (I think we can learn from history and do not repeat the same mistakes), so we ate at car having a much better views.
Also we do not celebrate Halloween and have a bit different All Souls’ Day and later All Saint’'s Day. So I think it was nice to visit our ancestry Pagan Burriel Mounds called Pilkapynai.
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Thank you for sharing the history and the photos. Good job on avoiding acting on those flashbacks. I’m glad you guys had a good day. 
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Mate, this is so cool!! I love the pictures, the history and your words. Glad you had a good day, stay strong 
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So my girls mother didn’t get mandated so now I’m not taking them trick or treating bc she wants to, but I can’t go bc her bf is a jealous prick, so I’m going to practice a tattoo on fake skin. But I was wondering if you all could give me some suggestions on stuff to do, I’m taking a break from portraits or realism lol
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Maybe try doing some traditional non-figurative stuff from, let’s say, the Polynesian culture?
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Day 506 clean and sober today. Happy Halloween and Happy Samhain to everyone!! Hope everyone has a spooky wonderful day and night! Love you guys!!! 
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That’s a great idea!
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Sounds good. I actually love that style so I’ll see what I can come up with
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What a beautiful pictures. You must be feeling blessed living close to such a nice place! Thanks for sharing. 
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How about new school tattoos? Like something cartoony that’s hyper exaggerated? Something fun and that let’s your creative mind go wild 
Also… im sorry to hear about your Halloween situation 
That really sucks. Hope you can keep your mind busy tonight
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Happy 80 days Carolyn 
I’m so so happy for you and your sobriety, even through the hardest of times. Even though your son is having a difficult time you are still showing him that you can be sober when everything is not perfect. I think sobriety is such a deeply personal journey to go on, and we decide when we are ready. Not our family or friends. Happy Halloween 
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@Lotusflower One week! Great job! What a great day to hit that number on All Hallows Eve where we are supposed to think about those who have passed on and contemplating the nature of death. Perhaps we can say this marks the beginning of the death of the old you, and the birth of the new you.
@anon53116147 Great job, Mike! You are doing really well. I’m so happy for you.
@Butterflymoonwoman It’s easy to take the subtle help of meditation for granted until you miss it. Hang in there. Money comes and money goes, but you remain.
@4lilcinny Congrats on your 30 days! You’re doing great!
@Hailstrom Wow, it sounds like you had an awesome time! You are clearly the hero of the story for cleaning everything up. I love the nature pictures. I think it’s good for those early in their sobriety to see how life can be lived as they mature in their sobriety; that the need won’t always be there to control them and true friends will accept them whether they drink or not.
@zzz Good to see your number count going up again. I love these pictures. They’re amazing. I appreciate you sharing the last two as well. The somber reminder that the season of death is coming in and that there are cycles to everything. Life passes away and something new is born from the death of the old. I suppose the wartime pictures come into that as well. Thank you for sharing.
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Checking in 78 days sober on halloween. Had a nice morning walk followed by carving my pumpkins i had got from a pumpkin picking eveny yesterday.
All in all a good weekend
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