Checking in daily to maintain focus #35

I love road trips. Especially in Colorado. Some of my favorite memories are driving up to little mountain downs or hiking trails. Have fun with your hubs. :yellow_heart:

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Big congrats on your 60 days, Ryan!!! :partying_face::tada: Great work!

P.S. Your ā€œgrumpyā€ beard needs it own social media page! It looks awesome!

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My ex wife just dropped our daughter. The thing is, when you got a kid, you canā€™t get away from your ex. And when youā€™re stupid enough to still love your ex, itā€™sā€¦ tricky to say the least. Gonna try to keep it strong, breath a lot and put something else, well, anything else in my mind. Oh boy what a mess

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Thatā€™s a tough spot to be in :frowning: Hope ur able to distract enough so that you have a good day :slight_smile:

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Day 0 on my PMO addiction.
Iā€™m feeling down but Iā€™m doing this. I want to reach one year.
Iā€™m so freaking tired of this addiction taking over my life.

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We went to the Autumn craft fair and I ate a bunch of gluten and spicy dips.

So, physically I feel like shit (and later I should have a good olā€™ psoriasis flare-up) but mentally much better. I like hanging out with my kiddo and the kid likes hanging out with me. Thatā€™s pretty special at 17 years old.

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Checking in and keeping sober. Going to be a sober weekend off work. Hope you all are having a great friday!

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Blast from the pastā€¦my friends were obsessed! Probably contributed to some hearing loss :rofl:

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Congratulations Big Ed :hugs:
Great number!
Great catch!

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:pray:t2::heart:

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Congratulations on your 60 days Ryan :clap: Great work!
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ODAAT.
:pray:t2::heart:

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Itā€™s Milestone Madness around here.
Way got Livy :hugs::pray:t2::heart:
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Checking inā€¦
Feeling really good so far today. Got alot accomplished today cleaning wise. Opened up with a friend of mine who I used to work with when I moved to provinces. We both knew that each of us were a recovering addict, but never got into too much detail of our pasts. Today we opened up with each other. Not even sure actually how we got on the subject. She mentioned how alone she felt and even tho sheā€™s clean she has some things to work thru. I was actually able to help with some resources and what not for her. Online meeting app etc. She was really appreciative. Made me feel like even tho I have a day clean, I can still be useful to others on the same path. I have alot of good ideas :bulb: and knowledge that Iā€™ve learned over 20 years but it would really help if I took my own advice lol. Day 1 for me is looking up :slight_smile:

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@Lisa07 wow how beautiful that you caught this by happy accident :star_struck: Congrats on all the 7s :tada:
@Callie99 sending strength :blue_heart:
@Hopeful777 I really hope the anxiety does settle with more time in the job :pray:t2: enjoy your campout this weekend :blush:
@Chance wow! Congrats on 13,600 days :tada:
@Edmund congrats on 1500 days :tada:
@SoberWalker Iā€™m so sorry about that customer, glad you were able to get him out safely. I hope youā€™re okay now :blue_heart:
@Lotusflower happy birthday to your son :balloon::birthday::partying_face: congrats on the custody stuff :tada:
@Olivia congrats on 400 days :tada:
@Grumpybeard congrats on 60 days :tada:
@Mattj0813 welcome :slightly_smiling_face: congrats on day 1 :tada:

452 days no alcohol.
420 days no cocaine.
13 days no nicotine.

In stark contrast to the previous night, I only slept one hour last night, from 8-9pm. It didnā€™t surprise me after so much sleep the night before plus the anxiety of doing the interview today, I often canā€™t sleep the night before appointments and such, it doesnā€™t take much to trigger my insomnia.

I walked to the supermarket at 3:15am, only to realise that they donā€™t open til 6am. :man_facepalming:t2: So I just layed down and listened to a few chapters of the new Dave Grohl audiobook, Iā€™m enjoying it. Then at 7am I went to the other shop and bought crisps and coca-cola, half to have before my interview to help psych me up, and half to have as a reward for doing the interview. Then I showered and got into my suit.

The interview itself was an awful experience. I really donā€™t have any ability to think on the spot, at all. I feel like I performed awfully, and ever since it ended I have been having the most intense waves of CRIIIIIINGE and shame, they feel awful, so Iā€™ve been looking at memes to brighten my mood, it has helped. Iā€™m now on the most recent meme thread! The worst part is, with the deadline not being until 23:59 on the 8th, the earliest I will hear something is the 9th, so these waves are going to keep coming until Iā€™ve had the outcome and can move forward either way. I hate the not knowing part, it doesnā€™t mix well with my ever present anxiety.

Feeling super anxious because tomorrow it will be 2 weeks on 0mg nicotine, but I will run out of my 0mg liquid and the intention is to put the vape down completely. I do feel ready I just really donā€™t know how hard itā€™s going to be, and Iā€™m a little apprehensive incase I get any cravings for cocaine like I did before. Hopefully not and it will all be fine :pray:t2::crossed_fingers:t2:

I plan to restart my diet properly tomorrow, and Iā€™m going to re-read one of my books about over-coming binge-eating and bulimia nervosa. Books do seem to really motivate me and get me in the right headspace, itā€™s the ongoing motivation that I struggle with so once Iā€™m back in the swing of things with the diet, I just need to remember no ā€˜just onesā€™.

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@CATMANCAM I really wanted to take the time to recognize how important you make everyone here feel. I know how much time, care, and effort it takes to personally reply to so many people everyday. I know that sometimes itā€™s hard and can feel like a chore as well, so thank you for your contribution. I know itā€™s appreciated by many :hugs:

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I always enjoy reading your posts. They are very inspiring and motivating. To see your recovery days and ur motivation to change and grow and learn new things is inspiring. It sounds like u have some positive things going on like restarting ur diet and cutting out vaping. Hope that all goes well :slight_smile: and I hope ur interview didnā€™t go as awful as u think it did.

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Iā€™ve been lurking mostly lately, but wanted to say itā€™s been nice to see you posting :hugs:

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Awe thank you :blush: that means alot! It feels good. And it feels good to also see people like you who are still around :slight_smile: how are you doing?

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Awwwwhhh :hugs: Iā€™m good. I was just really busy for a while studying for a designation, and thatā€™s finally over. It was a lot, and Iā€™m glad itā€™s behind me. Now Iā€™m playing catch-up and can start spending some more time here soon. Iā€™ve still been on, but just more so as a creeper lol. Sober a bunch of days (400 something I think), and have my ED under control for around 146ish days? That one is a miracle!!!

You seem light this time, I sense success for you :heartpulse: I can actually feel it, Iā€™m so glad that you are tenacious, because you really deserve this!!

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Day 93 here slept in way too late (2pm) but it felt really good! Right into therapy session with psychologist and then met with my sponsor to discuss my essays on Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingnessā€¦3 essential spiritual principles.

Gearing up to have my 3 younger boys for the weekend, they are 13, 11, and 8. I have been 'sick for 5 years of their childhoods and continually put drugs before them. No more!

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Congratulations to each and everyone on here for still going strong :black_heart: My sobriety baby is growing and growing, instead of an ā€œattemptā€ itā€™s a ā€œdecisionā€ - which feels so much better :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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