Checking in daily to maintain focus #35

Checking in on day 155. Thanks for all the nice birthday wishes yesterday. I enjoyed a lovely hangover free morning and treated myself to a covid booster today :rofl:

Awesome to see you @apes2020. Congrats on the job!

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Thank you.

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My kids are old enough, and this was absolutely my decision @anon53116147. 6 and 9 years old, absolutely no problems. Ice cream afterwards.

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Try to find other ways to channel your anger and frustration. I know that youā€™re mad, but drinking doesnā€™t take the edge off of it. Remember our conversation about the ā€™fuck itā€™ approach. Feeling cornered and powerless doesnā€™t have to burst out as self-destruction.

You cannot leave even one scenario open in your mind, when youā€™re allowing yourself to use drinking as a ā€™solutionā€™, because thatā€™s a guarantee for relapse. We have to face even the toughest situations sober. And thatā€™s not a barrier, it sets you free actually.

Get back on track and keep going!

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Thank you bro youā€™re right behind me!!! :sunglasses::metal:t2:

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@kat261 congrats on triple digits :100::tada:
@Gracie1 welcome :slightly_smiling_face: congrats on trying again :tada:
@Hopeful777 thank you :crossed_fingers:t2:
@apes2020 so good to see you checking in! And with 200+ days too, congrats :tada: and congrats on finding employment too :tada: thanks for sharing the cockatoo photos, they always make my day :smiley:
@5th_dimension welcome back :slightly_smiling_face:
@anon53116147 congrats on 30 days :tada: and the bat tatt looks awesome :star_struck:
@Jennajen let love in, it will feel way better than the alternatives :blue_heart:
@Rockstar24777 congrats on 17 months :tada:
@Sunny11 stay strong, donā€™t let the whispers take hold :pray:t2:
@Callie99 congrats on knowing and doing whatā€™s best for you :tada: :blue_heart:

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@zzz sorry about your government and their decisions. Sending you strength to rise above it all and try again :blue_heart::pray:t2:

460 days no alcohol.
428 days no cocaine.
21 days no nicotine.

Really missing having something to regularly take the edge off. With food, Iā€™m bingeing once a day, so any relief it gives me is short-lived and quickly overshadowed by regret and self-loathing, so for the rest of the day Iā€™m noticing that worked up/wired/tense feeling, that Iā€™d usually use nicotine to suppress, until 3 weeks ago. Avoiding the temptation to restart, itā€™s taken me so long to stop again so Iā€™m telling myself it would be foolish to start again now. Iā€™ve learnt before that it takes 13 weeks for the nicotine receptors in the brain to go to sleep, so Iā€™m staying aware of that and dealing with my thoughts as they arise.

Today I did some more Xmas shopping, it feels good to be able to buy more gifts for people again. It was my sister-in-lawā€™s bday yesterday, and they were too busy socialising so they said I could visit on Sunday, well my dad called me today and said we are all going for another meal instead of visiting them. Iā€™m really anxious about that now, it wasnā€™t too bad at the last meal, so Iā€™m hoping it goes okay again. There is only one option for food on Sundays where we are going, which is a roast dinner. Would much prefer some quiet time at my brotherā€™s house so I could actually have conversations with them and see my niece in her natural habitat, it makes me sad that I hardly ever get to do this.

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Just reached my 1 week milestone and canā€™t stop smiling!!! Still a long journey but taking it day by day

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For myself, Iā€™ve always found the answers Iā€™m looking for are found by asking ā€œwhyā€ again and again, and then being willing to look at and accept the answers, no matter how hard it can be. Those difficult answers can also be walls that keep us from further information, but we canā€™t break through the wall without knowing itā€™s there.

I wish you the best in finding the answers youā€™re looking for.

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Here is who I listened to last night on my CD my neighbor gave meā€¦ I am surprised I found her on YouTube but she was pretty funny, motivational, and good.

You can always go on YouTube and type in Narcotics Anonymous speakers and they have all kinds

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What @Englishd said.

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This group helps me stay the course, thank you

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I am currently listening to this one and it is really good too. Enjoy
*Also I will check out the woman you had brought up and try to start getting on a healthier meal plan. We can do this!!!

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Checking in here day 7 - had a binge when I got home on crisps and chocolate and leftoversā€¦ but Iā€™m sober so thatā€™s understandable I guess :pouting_cat::crying_cat_face: would have been way worse on booze. Early night now xxx

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Thank you @CATMANCAM!

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I donā€™t usually check in twice in a day but today I need it. I tried to be much more social today and not isolate. It hasnā€™t been easy. Actually has been a really triggering day for me. Avoiding brunch and bottomless mimosas after an anxiety attack. My friend asked if she could come over because her day as been hard- I said SAME- of course. She brought a bottle of wine. Itā€™s the most tempted I have felt since I started on my sobriety journey. At a restaurant with lots of people itā€™s easy to distract myself- order something else. But a bottle of wine with just me and one of my best friends was very difficult. It felt close enough to me drinking alone at home and the illusion of a warm comforting numbing feeling alcohol use to give me. Seeing it on my counter. I was agitated for no reason. I was out of all my sparkling waters. I havenā€™t felt anything like I did today yet. My friend finished the bottle on her own and we are watching a movie. Iā€™m proud for not giving in but honestly scared of how tempted and triggered I was being around wine in the comfort of own my home. I also feel mad that alcohol holds that much power over me, to sway my mood. Or make me feel this way.

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I wouldnā€™t say no reason. As youā€™re retraining your brain, situations like this can come up unexpectedly. And I would definitely feel agitated too. Especially if I ran out of sparkling water. Sparkling water has always been my go to when other people are drinking. And you can definitely feel proud when we pull of a victory like that. Most people donā€™t know what kind of a victory abstaining is for us. Itā€™s huge. Great job on 47.
:pray:t2::heart::socks:

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You made it through. You were tested and you made it. You dealt with it, thought about it, learned from it and you didnā€™t do it! Yay you! Victory is yours! Just for today that is but you better be damned proud of yourself. I am. Of you. Excellent work. Hope the movie is good. Hugs.

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Thank you co-crazy sock partner in crime. Itā€™s honestly so upsetting I feel emotional. I feel like I have had mostly a good handle on this- but i think a lot of that has to do with minimally exposing myself to opportunities to actually drink. Having it open in my house brought out some really hard feelings.
I know itā€™s a victory, I guess itā€™s a humbling reminder that I have a long way to go still. Iā€™m happy you are here Eric

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Thank you Menno. I definitely learned that I need to stock up on sparkling water and that I donā€™t like people drinking in my home. I am proud, thank you for the hug. :yellow_heart: I hope your cycling wound isnā€™t to bad. I miss riding my black bike all around Amsterdam. I always love when you post pictures. Feeling the anxiety go away and a silly movie doesnā€™t hurt

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