Hey y’all, I’m sorry for being MIA these past few days. The grief I’m feeling from losing my friend is truly weighing me down. I come up for air a little bit longer each day, and I’m gonna be alright. Today is 98 days sober, and I haven’t even wanted to drink. I told a friend here that Scott was really proud of me for quitting, and there was no way I was going to use his death as an excuse to start again. If I can honor him in any way, I want it to be with my sobriety.
I see that I have some PMs and notes, and I’ll read and reply to them as soon as I can. Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and warmheartedness. I hope you’re all doing well. Much love to you
Really proud of you Charlie for acknowledging what happened and fixing your wrongs. Your honesty and willingness to make things right, AND do it while sober is amazing! There must have been some very intense emotion with all of this and your not making things worse by drinking. Proud of you for that! ODAAT
I honestly feel like my heart broke open when I came to this realization. I woke up proud to be me this morning and I want you to be proud to be you! Every journey starts with one step AND that is where the differences begin. No journey is the same and no one can travel it for you, only, in spirit, along side of you.
I was enumerating all of the things I am grateful for to the kiddo over breakfast, things that I wouldn’t have had if I had gotten sober the first time I tried. The list is quite long and includes their existence on this planet.
This is not an permission to for anyone to decide it’s OK to just give up for now. It just means: It’s not over until you stop trying, stop growing, stop showing up for yourself.
I will forever be grateful for @LeeHawk for encouraging me to seek out TLC. I love this forum and I need it. Those leaders in that group, though? Fucking fantastic!
Yes I took up that I have hard time getting started with anything, and it gives me anxiety, and I procrastinate more, anxiety increases, get nothing done… So if the meds can help me out a bit, I will be up for trying ot out. Just feels a bit weird since I can only compare ot to when I was in active addiction and used to be so depressed and had horrible anxiety. Bit maybe they can help me now. Honest chance. Lets see
Checking in on Day 5!!
Feeling good this morning. Didn’t use yesterday and will continue on this road of recovery today. So very grateful for everyone’s support! lots has been coming up over the past 5 days… mainly good things… lots of new things I’m learning about myself. Some areas I am seeing that I will need to address fairly soon.
I’ve learned that I do in fact have a choice. I never used to feel like I had a choice when it came to using and I really do. There’s many others ways to handle emotions and trauma that are healthier.
I’ve learned to get out of my head and let others in… my mind is like a bad neighborhood lol I shouldn’t go there alone lmao
I’ve also seen other areas of my life sort of develop new problems due to quitting drugs. For example… with food. Really need to get a handle on that too
Also experience some crazy insane thoughts about “working”. I haven’t turned a trick in 7 years and this is just coming up now! Now that I’m clean and trying to take care of debt… my crazy brain is entertaining the thought of sex work again which is absolutely ridiculous bcuz I’d need to be single and not in a relationship in order to do that (as I don’t cheat) and even tho some people can do it sober… I know i couldn’t bcuz I’ve tried doing it sober while in treatment and it didn’t go well. And for me, it’s better to make money doing things that don’t hurt my soul, or devastate me emotionally, or potentially put me at risk. So im brushing that idea off. But im realizing I’m just as addicted to money as i am to drugs. And the instant gratification of making money fast. I can’t do that anymore. I can’t be living clean and sober and still acting out in old behaviors. I’m on a spiritual and honest path. Honesty, open mindedness, and willingness.
Going to meditate calm my thoughts and live where my hands are (in the moment).
Have a great 24 everyone
Checking in Day 106 feeling great, I drove a fellow addict (who has 18 months) around to the various food banks and bought her a tin of coffee. Feels great to be of service.
I am loving being Clean and Sober using is a semi-distant memory… using can’t compare to the blessings I’ve found in recovery this time round.
Well a really heartfelt wish from me that we all stay clean and sober today no matter what life throws at us we never have to use again!
I’m grateful for you, Jene! Agreed on TLC. That community and their zooms have been and continues to be instrumental in my sobriety. Have a great Thursday, my friend!
Good Morning! Grateful to be here on Day 6. On a journey of deep self-discovery in this phase of my life. Finally addressing traumas that were always shoved down, and learning more and more about myself every day. I’m excited about the ride.
Happy Thursday, everyone. Let’s make another beautiful, sober day!!
@Chrispl congrats on double digits @Wakikki sorry to hear this, sorry your doctor is leaving too Welcome back though, glad you are here @Thirdmonkey sounds amazing, have a great time @Callie99 Aww poor Grandma, bless her heart, sending healing and prayers she recovers well @Charlie_C I’m really pleased for you that your secret is out and all has worked out well, congrats on owning it and for the freedom you must feel
465 days no alcohol.
433 days no cocaine.
26 days no nicotine.
Feeling very unwell today, stupidly tired despite sleeping more than ever since quitting nicotine, and my whole body is spasming and jerking all day. I’m hoping it’s just because my T levels are low as I’m due my shot in the morning, so will see how I feel afterwards.
Had a text come through saying because I am high risk from Covid, I can now book my booster, so I’ve booked it for Monday.
Still no news about the job, surely they won’t leave us all hanging for another whole weekend!
Checking in day 5. Day was fine. Evening now is when I start to feel a bit rubbish as I know everyone is out having fun, and i just cant do that anymore because it involves drinking. Also feeling annoyed at myself for the destruction I caused in my life last weekend when I last drank and the relationship I kind of ruined. Wasn’t anything serious but still another thing that didn’t need to go the way it did. Oh well! I’m still here, sober.
Been having a topsy-turvy day. I’m using Insight Timer and it has pretty much supplanted my Seroquel for getting to sleep. And I wake up earlier, which is good. But today I woke up too early (5:20am) and couldn’t get back to sleep.
Scrolled through Quora and Medium (after daily meme-check here, of course). Those two sites are sometimes annoying and depressing. Like today.
Turns out the water was off this morning. Not surprised as it was 30 degrees. But the problem was actually the landlord not paying the bill.
So I decided to get out of the apartment, and my own head for a while. Got back my gym membership (I’m only a couple days behind you @anon57836609 !) I realized when I was filling out the paperwork that today is the 18th-- the anniversary of my father’s death.
Topping it all off, I’ve been having chest pains for the last 2 and half hours and had to call into work, contemplating the ER.
Midday check in
Today has truly been a quiet day. Slept alot this morning. Didn’t really start my day until about 1pm. Feeling quite emotional today. Small urges to use but just focusing on staying connected with u all and doing my self care and remembering to stay focused on recovery… remembering my WHYS for quitting. Having rice with chili on top for supper so just waiting for hubby to get home a nice warm filling meal and a hot bath and a good rest will help. Have alot of running around to do tomorrow since I get money. I have my plan set step by step. I will definitly be connecting more tmrw if I feel the urge. But so far I feel good about my plan.
Day 6 complete, today was actually quite nice my exam went way better than expected and by God’s Grace the test score will be high,it’s been a fairly hot day,I’m hoping the weather changes ,the heat is a bit annoying.Ending the day on a high note,goodnight
791 days. I went to a work dinner last night at a high class restaurant. Knowing there would be a lot of drinking, I planned ahead. Drove my own car, called my husband when I got there and again about half way through. I sat next to the only other person not drinking and sipped water all night. I had a great time and enjoyed excellent food. I was the first to leave after 4 hours. I was looking forward to listening to all of the hangover complaints at the office today but unfortunately my furnace broke and I stayed home because it was too cold to take a shower. Never once was did I think about drinking and no regrets about what I said or did in the presence of the entire management staff.
Great that Insight Timer has been useful for you! I am however sorry to read you had an early rise coupled by some sadness and now chest pains. I hope its nothing serious.
lots has been coming up over the past 5 days… mainly good things… lots of new things I’m learning about myself. Some areas I am seeing that I will need to address fairly soon.
calm my thoughts and live where my hands are (in the moment).
Welcome back though, glad you are here 
a nice warm filling meal and a hot bath and a good rest will help. Have alot of running around to do tomorrow since I get money. I have my plan set step by step. I will definitly be connecting more tmrw if I feel the urge. But so far I feel good about my plan.
