Little annoyed today, posted a quick drawing I did today on fb and my friend who has always put me down about wanting to
Be a tattoo artist messaged and said. Looks like your getting pretty good at drawing, you need to think about going to a college you could probably get in for free so you can become a artist. This way you can learn from ppl, do you really think your going to be a tattoo artist… he’s always been like this to me and thinks going to college is the only way you can be labled as something, I didn’t really have any words I actually mostly agreed with him. But in my head was like fuck you I am artist, I drew that that’s what a artist is, and yeah I think I’m gonna be a tattoo artist. Fuck I made 510 bucks in 3 days, to me that says yeah I might just be a artist. I’m seriously so annoyed with ppl questioning my life choices and thinking I don’t have what it takes. Fucking bite me on to day 48 I believe.
Just checking in.
Celebrating day 37
College is a waste of time and money in a lot of ways, barring some exceptions. I went to school for music and look where that got me…doing data analysis in the insurance biz, with significant loan dept from a degree I have never used. It’s a solid gig, but sure as shit ain’t music or art. A buddy of mine with the same degree (and much more musically talented than I) records audio books for a living…removing all the breath and mouth sounds, etc. Tedious shit if you ask me.
When it comes to the arts, especially - that degree is just an expensive piece of paper.
Keep doing it how you’re doing it.
And maybe find outlets to share your work that are more positive and constructive.
Thanks man I appreciate your advice. Means alot, and I’m trying I’ve been looking Etsy and trying to find some other art platforms
Day 2 nailed
Day 3 is happening and going good so far
Day 2. Getting a bad headache. Trying to drink extra water.
I’m fine during the day - it’s when I get off work that it’ll be a struggle.
Checking in day 17 - had a really awful day yesterday, but reached out for support on here which really helped 
feeling a lot better today, amazing how drastically feelings can change. Just going to chill tonight and get through the rest of the working week.
Hey girl, thanks for posting. You have no reason to apologise neither for the length nor for the content of your post. We all know life in recovery isn’t rainbows and roses. So vent if it helps you!
You are not a shit mom. You struggle with many things at once. Sure you want only the best for your girl but have some compassion on yourself here too, would you Doing your best is all one can ask for and I’m sure that’s what you’re doing.
Since you feel so imbalanced with your moods and meds maybe you should speak with your doctor asap? That’s what I would do.
You’re still very early in recovery and that’s ok. Keep going, one day at the time, that’s enough. You can and will get through this. Don’t lose hope. You are worth loving and living.
A while back I went through my FB and got rid of people who I’m not really in touch with anymore and people I didn’t think needed to be part of my social media. It might be some time for a bit of house cleaning on your “friends” list. He would be the first to go if it were me.
I agree with T and Jennifer. Whoever this “friend” is he don’t know crap and really isn’t a positive influence in your life. I’m an artisan that is self employed and doing pretty good at it financially without any degree. I just jumped in and got my work out there. If you do good work, people will come to you.
Dear Shae you are dealing with all the stuff you numbed out for years. Be patient and kind with yourself. You don’t need to be sunshine and rainbows for us on here. We understand and we’re here for you. Just focus on today and your health and well being. ODAAT
Check ins aren’t for sunshine and rainbows. I’d say I’d rather a whole lot of brutal, raw honesty like you shared here. There was some discussion in one of my meetings this morning about all the fucking feelings. In addition to your roller coaster of prescribed meds being switched up, you are also getting all the feelings. It sucks and sometimes it’s just too fucking much. I am not sure how old your daughter is but if she’s using hairspray, she’s old enough to hear a little about what you are going through UNDERNEATH what’s happening in her view and earshot.
I am glad you are bringing in all the support you can. Keep leaning in. Sometimes, shutting yourself in a room and screaming into a pillow is what it takes. Maybe you need a punching bag? I will tell you that jumping up and down while looking at a light source is scientifically proven to alter the mood - same with putting a pencil in your mouth sideways to force a smile.
Sometimes, all you need is a large enough pause to snap yourself out of it. Continuously rooting for you, Shae.
Just going to jump in for a Mom moment. I told both of my kids that college is a very well-designed marketing ploy. I stand by that. Somehow, upper education’s elaborate planning has made it so even parents are telling their children they can’t be anything without a degree (my kids’ Dad has told them this).
I got my Bachelors’ at 52. I consider myself pretty damn successful and have always been considered a subject matter expert in my field, all of my fields.
I have one child who wants to be a Biologist and I have a most amazing artist. Child 1 really should go to college. There are things that biologists must be taught and probably would have a really hard time navigating that world without a degree.
Child 2 can do whatever the fuck works. This child is gifted beyond what books can offer and only gets better with practice. So, practice, practice, practice and FUCK that guy.
Thank you, I wanted to say more to him but I just kept it simple. I plan on just doing what I’m doing bc I see improvement in what I’m doing, I’ve tried learning the ways other artist draw with starting with shapes and using grids and for me that doesn’t work, even if I went to college and got taught I’d still end up doing it my way. Sometimes I think my so called friend has issues with seeing me succeed at something.
Checking in and I’m getting through this day. Stay safe, amigos. 
My son (grown) told me a few months ago I’ve gotten mean since I got sober, 
Im just not as pliable and go along with anything he says. Well, I am kinda bitchy sometimes so there’s that, 
I appreciate your awareness with these changes. Hugs sweetie.
Midday check in
Today started out crappy and stressful for sure. I spoke to my bank and they were able to take off over $100 from account fees which now puts me back in the plus. Spoke to a bank representative for my credit card and she too helped me set up a few things to reduce my interest rate from 29% to 5.99% starting January. Super grateful for the help. Like I mentioned earlier, financially things are frustrating… mainly due to ur addiction (not completely but the majority of the reason behind this is addiction). I’m not ashamed of asking for help. I’ve had to learn very quickly that my ego can literally kill me. Anyway, we are low on food and I had $20 to last us until Dec 10 pay. That definitly isn’t enough for daily food and my hubbies lunches. God has a mysterious way of working in my life. And I dont ever take that for granted. I reached out for help from 2 organization for emergency food hampers. 1 place emailed me back 
I get to pick up a hamper Tuesday evening. And then I also received a $25 virtual Walmart gift card via email for completing a survey from back home (one of my supports that helped me exit the sex trade many years ago belongs to an organization that provides support for women who are in the trade or who have exited… the survey was to discuss how to improve their services). Anyway, I completed that days ago and got the gift card today. One of my greatest skills is resourcefulness. I don’t like having to struggle. And I fully believe that I do cause my own problems. This is another reason why I stay clean. So I don’t have to constantly grocery shop at the dollarstore or ask for handouts (there is nothing wrong with that by the way… I just would like to be able to not have to buy really cheap food all the time or price watch). Anyway, today is turning out to be a half decent day. Grateful for my recovery and for God and for you all and for the places that help
So I’m back I relapsed 48 days ago, but I’m back to feeling good again. I just got to keep coming to these forums and reminding myself how harmful meth is and any drug and how addictive it is.