Hello Stella , interesting the work with flowcharts could see how this would help. Your post serves as a reminder to “never down the tools” have a wonder Xmas eve
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How gorgeous does your house look, Palm trees as well totally divine, well done for recognising time to leave the Party Red wine was my tipple as well.
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Happy birthday! The past few years i also spent a few birthdays by myself. I felt sad to be honest. Was for years used to celebrate going a day out together with my ex. After we broke up there was just me and my beers. Anyway I hope you enjoyed yours staying sober. May many like that follow
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Feel the need for a check in today. I’m about to set off to my homecountry to spend christmas with family. Had a really shit night in a hostel, a bunch of loud drunk guys made it late and after went snoring, i hate dormitories. Now waiting to go the airport, getting on a flight, which is never comfortable. Than i arrive in a country in lockdown, super cold and rainy. But than i’n gonna have so many triggers to drink. It’s really gonna be my first great test. I really gonna have to stay strong. I already told my mom not to get beers in the house, but i doubt if she listened. Still it’s my choice to toych them or not. I’m gonna be bored, upset, annoyed, sad, everything i normally take a dose of alcohol to numb it for. But now i can’t. I have to figure out other ways of dealing with it. Outside it’s cold and wet, there is nothing open, no shops, no museum, cinema. Just can stay at my mom’s watch tv or read I guess.
Sorry, just had to put some words out that were spinning through my head while lying awake all night.
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Put on your warm sweater and a raincoat and go for a stroll whenever you need the distraction Bart. It’s not going to rain all day and night. And it’s nice and quiet in the streets. Well, just as quiet as it always is with Christmas. We don’t need a lockdown to make the streets be empty with Christmas here as you know 
. Goede vlucht and goede kerstmis vriend.
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You made it friend. And you wouldn’t figure anything out if you weren’t sober. One day at a time. Hugs.
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- Coffee. Over here we do three days of Christmas. Tonight is Kerstavond (Christmas Eve), tomorrow Eerste Kerstdag (First Day Of Christmas) and Sunday Tweede (Second) Kerstdag. Not very kind to those that have nothing to celebrate and/or no one to celebrate it with. Nor is it nice to the sober folks that may be tempted three days in a row by being together with drinking family members or may be triggered by feeling lonely.
I’ll be fine. Having my Christmas dinner on Sunday with my sister and her wife and kids. Will have two quiet days before that. Have a little walk today. Truly enjoy my me time. Not allowing any accusatory voices in the back of my head saying I should do something more useful with my time. Spending time with me is useful.
Have as good a day as you all can my friends. And as good a Christmas as you can too. Whether you’re spending it with family or you are alone. Please remember that drinking never made anything better, however alluring and tempting the prospect of a drink may look in our addicted minds. It’s all lies. Being under the influence is good for nothing.
Drinking or drugging won’t makes us forget our misery. It won’t stipulate or accentuate or enhance our fun times either. Play the tape through till the end in your head. I’ve just done for myself. It’s not a pretty sight.
Let’s make it a sober and clean day. One day at a time. And repeat tomorrow. But we’ll see about that when it comes. Pic is from my walk a couple of days ago. I could live there. Much love.
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I’m so glad you are back, Jenna. Good days and bad. Hopefully tomorrow will be a much better day!
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@Callie99 Major win for you tonight and your house of freaking stunning. 
The colors of the lights. Just gorgeous. Well done all the way around. You’re close to 90 and between 90-120 days, there was a major positive shift in my journey. So glad to have you on TS!
@Dazercat Tuna dip? 
. I’ve never heard of that, but I do like me some tuna and dips. Hope you have a fabulous dinner with daughter!
@Mno I could live in that house with the sheep as well. Beautiful pic!
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Hey guys
I have relapse again today. I am making no excuses and want to be held accountable for it.
I will not go on a guilt trip or shame myself as it may repeat the cycle of relapsing again.
I am just viewing it as a slip and the only way out is moving forward.
I am becoming more aware of the tricks my mind is using for me to watch p*rn again. Its usually one last time, that last clip or the fear that I will not feel good in the future if I do not watch that clip today.
Reading easypeazy is making me more aware of why I am going towards p*rn and what is keeping me stuck, which is fear of future for me.
I feel that there is a lack of effort on my part as I have all the resources and help needed on how to quit it.
So from now on, I will focus on being a non user and taking the actions toward it
I am making a promise to you guys that from now now on I am never gonna watch p*rn again.
I had made that promise several times but here I will stay accountable to you.
Thank you for all the help and support that you give me. There are many of you here who are killing it in your sobriety journey. You guys are such an inspiration to me which motivates me to go on even if its hard.
I wish everyone a very happy christmas eve.
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Day 1146 for me today.
Strangely, since I quit the normal happy Christmas family tradition 4 years ago, I like Christmas. I don’t even feel lonely. I do what I want to do. This year will be different. I will go home tomorrow, so this stresses me a bit. But I won’t drink.
I started the day with a live online yoga class which was good, had a short talk with my mother and now let’s see.
I wish everyone a merry Christmas! 
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@CATMANCAM i hope you feel better!! Wow congrats on 500 days and your 2 days! I hope you have a better day today!
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Good morning all and Merry Christmas Eve! Checking in, so very very grateful no one new in my house tested positive yesterday and the two that are sick aren’t getting worse
With the being said I did have an almost ER visit with my golden retriever, as we started making some of Christmas Eve dinner yesterday, it takes two days to make, my husband is Sicilian and that’s his jam for sure, we don’t do the 7 fishes and all that anymore but still a big meal with lots and lots of food, anyway my dog (my baby) snuck some food of the counter which she has never done, and got a whole clove of garlic with it, that’s extremely toxic to dogs, so had to make her throw up with hydrogen peroxide based on weight etc and thank GOD it worked. I’m not trying to complain but I hope the universe leaves me alone today damn it! LOL. I am wishing everyone a very magical day, thank you for being there for me, thank you for being part of this community, thank you for being YOU! 
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For the third night in a row, I’m awake in the wee hours of the morning. I’m still super tired in my recovery from Covid, so sleeping should come easily but not yet. I’ve been journaling about my alcohol use for almost 3 years now, trying to reason with myself and figure out why I couldn’t have just one drink. I went back to read some of the entries I made a few months before I finally realized I had to just quit.
May 3, 2021:
I pray that today is the last day I ever wake up hungover. I’m going to lose today, and I hate it! My husband says he wants both of us to stop drinking and that he’ll be supportive and encouraging. I’ve heard that so many times before, and I know at this point it’s not true. Ultimately, quitting is up to me. Since I live with him, his support would be really helpful, though. I hope this is the last first day to quit again.
May 5, 2021:
Well, that didn’t work out. 
I found several entries that were along these same lines… I can see how much guilt I had, shame from not being strong enough to have only one drink, blaming my husband because he wouldn’t help me. I’m so grateful I can see now! I placed the responsibility to quit where it belongs… on myself. I’m nowhere near where I want to be at only 4+ months sober, but I’m well on my way. 
I appreciate y’all so very much. I’m grateful for the gift of new friendships. I wish you all a Happy Christmas. Much love
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Oh my Gosh I didn’t know you were recovering from Covid, girl get better!!! Sending healing vibes your way. There is a peacefulness about the early still morning and I am within that your mind calms. I hope you have a very Merry Christmas. And if you feel like me and are ready for this “fun” year to end, we are almost there! 
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I came down with it on Thanksgiving Day, and it hung around for over 2 weeks. I didn’t get pneumonia, so I’m really thankful for that. It’s just the weakness that’s hanging on, but I’m really soooo much better. I hope your kiddos get well soon. And yep, I’ve been over all this “fun” for a while now.
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Good morning to you from beautiful Tybee Island, Georgia. We made it and I managed that first “vacation drink” craving with tea!
It was an extra long day of driving with too much traffic. Then we arrived to the rental house in the dark and I quickly figured out a supper that would not involve us walking into a bar after that frustrating drive. The hubby had a few beers in the house and I quickly went to my evening tea. I’m pretty pleased with myself!
And the rental is just beautiful, it will be fun to enjoy this location with such a cute home base.
Merry Christmas to all who celebrate and I wish you peace!
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Good afternoon one and all, seasons greeting, Merry Christmas, Bah Humbug or however you chose to approach the day!
Just short of 27 days Sober, didn’t realise when I started this journey I would be 4 weeks sober on Christmas Day.
The support I have had from you guys has been unwavering.
I have written a short poem I hope you will all relate to.
———
Temptations Fight
Another day to fight the fight.
An enemy dwells but not in plain sight.
Get your armour on it’s about to start.
Temptations running through your mind soon come to steal your heart.
A battle that starts with sinful pride.
You must stand and face it, not run or hide.
Through fear, faith or anger you must always stand your ground.
One big hit, one slip, one blip could easily end this round
Arrows of temptation firing at your head.
Raise your shield, block them out, you’re better clean and sober than dirty and dead.
Be strong, firm and fearless as you approach this new encounter.
The scheming of your enemy flawed and retreats swiftly at a canter.
Wait, it’s not finished as it sneaks up on your back.
Your past leaving you vulnerable to this kind of attack.
This is your call to dig in and hold your ground.
A brother in arms is prepared to help you win through this next round.
Standing together a sure and powerful defence.
Temptation mounts a futile offence.
Where we were once weak and saw temptations barrier.
We now stand together, men and women as warriors.
We protect each other from temptations grip.
Pulling and lifting each other up when we feel we could slip.
My brother in arms did not see what was about to enter his day.
He was saved thanks to others loving eyes to watch over him and pray.
On we go, with this never ending fight.
Together through the darkest days to brightest lights.
I send this to you all with hope and pray.
You’ll spend with me another victorious day.
———-
Peace, love, prayers hugs and best wishes to you all!
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