Checking in on day 1147. Feeling blah, but no Covid. Hope I won’t sneeze too much in the train, I guess people tend to look violently in these days.
I am ready, food machine for Dora and Paula is programmed, it’s strange to leave them alone, even when it’s only 3 to 4 days. I need to trust.
I wish everyone a merry Christmas sober!
@Dazercat I am atm really thinking about getting such an outdoor thing you have in AZ for the cats. It looks a bit like jail but at least it’s safe for the balcony. 
Merry crimbo 
x
827 Days. This is my 3rd Christmas Eve sober. Wrapping presents and playing Santa without a substance doesn’t get old. It wasn’t too long ago that I dreaded Christmas morning. I’d stay up getting everything ready with the help of my 2 buddies (cocaine & alcohol) until the wee hours of the morning then catch a couple hours sleep to be woken up by my excited daughter. I’d have to fake my excitement while she opened her gifts, counting the minutes until I could go back to sleep. That’s no way to live and in true addict form, I continued to do this year after year. So happy to actually be present and share in her excitement these days. Merry Christmas to all! 
Day 501
Congrats on 500 to @CATMANCAM a bit late sorry
kurisumasu🎄 here. Lots of eating and lazing. Gonna take a walk to see lights later. My phone and my computer have broken. both less than a year old, using hubby’s right now. Got really wound up to tell him and burst into tears. Honestly, electronics are breaking more often now I’m sober than when I used them drunk, which I do not understand. Trying to be grateful it is just stuff, not people.
Going to bed at midnight, day 196 checked in. Merry Christmas and a Happy Festivus for the Rest of Us! Wish you all well, friends.
I’m sorry you’re feeling so low and out of steam. Hopefully your new meds will improve your general state real soon. Sending you strength for these coming days 
Just got an 8 months notification today 
time is really flying by… So grateful for my clean and sober life 
That is sooooo adorable!!!
And I spy an elf on the shelf!!! 
Hey Matt,
I feel you. Christmas has been and still is in my top 3 of things that cause anxiety. For me it’s mainly family tensions: past, present and future/what might happen. Plus other stuff.
Good news is that there are things you can do. I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy learning to apply the serenity prayer and to manage my thinking. I’ve noticed I’m the one causing myself anxiety, I just project onto others.
I’m coping a bit better with Christmas now than I did 5-7 years ago. It’s a gradual change.
Way to go April!
Congratulations on your 8 months of freedom. What a wonderful day for a milestone.
In my experience, (as I keep repeating, to myself in the first place), sobriety gives me the chance to work on my shit. In itself it doesn’t change that much, although getting up hangover free in the morning is still nice. Anxiety being a big one, and been working on that in earnest since I started therapy.
I’m learning it’s a precarious balance. I’m an avoider. So much so that’s it’s part of the diagnosis I’m in therapy for now. Much of my avoidance comes from trying to avoid the anxiety I feel in everything that has to do with social interaction. In the long run that didn’t work and I felt anxious all the time.
I’ve learned to consciously lower my anxiety with breathing techniques, with mindfulness, with positive affirmations, and more. At the same time I try to learn to interact more. I don’t want to be alone. I need social contact. But it still gives me anxiety. I need to make the work to be less anxious automated. It’s hard work. Recovery is hard work. But so worth it!!! Keep going Matt. Let’s make it through the Holidays together. Sober and clean.
It may seem I’m splitting hairs here and perhaps I am but I think it’s important to point this out. It was a key for me to start dealing with anxiety and guilt.
“I should feel grateful…”
“I should have done this and that…”
Feelings come and go. They don’t obey me. If I want to affect my feelings then I need to do something about my thinking and actions. A “should” is often a slippery slope. It entails an unmet requirement. Looking at those in hindsight serves very little purpose.
So, I would suggest:
Despite my whacky family, I am grateful to have a family.
Despite I didn’t meet my expectations, I’m not gonna beat myself up about it. Simply try again later.
It’s time for the last of the time zones to go to sleep for Christmas As I close my eyes, I am grateful for another Christmas sober. I have to thank TS and all of my peeps on here for the help and guidance. Merry Christmas my beautiful friends
563 Days
Checking in on day 55. Despite feeling a bit “meh” yesterday evening, I decided to stick to sparkling water! The “it’s Christmas, it’s ok for one night” thought actually crossed my mind.
I’m so glad I didn’t seek company in a glass (or 5… or 6) of wine! Finally spent a relaxed evening on the couch with my 2 furry hair balls! Happy Sober Christmas! 
3 weeks today and my first sober Christmas. This is the best gift I have ever given myself or my family. Have a great day everyone. Much love from Ireland to wherever you are today.
Hey all, checking in on day 559. I hope everybody has a good one!
Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it!
Day 72. Started reading a book called it’s magic. It seems good, and yeah just in the first chapter I read I realized I haven’t been very grateful for much which is really bringing on some negativity in my life. The last couple of days I’ve just been super tired and sleeping alot, I don’t have any urges at all to use and haven’t in a while, but I am just having a hard time. And I don’t even know what I’m having a hard time with. My mom came out to talk to me tonight, I could tell the other day she thought I was using drugs when the girls were here just by a look she gave me bc I was being grouchy. Tonight she asked me about it, I told her no I haven’t used, I’m just really depressed. She replied I am affecting everyone around her. And that there is nothing more she can do for me and at 31 years old it’s time I figure it out on my own. I wasn’t mad and yeah I get where she is coming from, I’m not asking her for anything, I apologize for my behavior when I’m wrong, I try to stay accountable at all cost. I’m not playing victim when I get into my depressive episodes I just kind of ride them out. I’m not trying to bring anyone down with me, I told her I was depressed bc that’s what I am, I wasn’t looking for her to do anything for me but I guess as a parent you feel lost and maybe she doesn’t think I’m trying. I think she thinks I am using drugs. Me her and my stepfather don’t do anything for Christmas eve, my girls were with there mother this year, having Christmas eve dinner with my exes bf. I still wish that was me with my girls and family together, so yeah right now I’m a little more depressed then usual, what more can I do besides ride it out. I’m grateful to be sober, im grateful I don’t have any cravings. I do understand where my mom is coming from. I’ll keep trying and pushing forward. I’m grateful she has always been here for me no matter how difficult I’ve made it, I’m grateful today is Christmas and my girls will be home after to open there presents, I’m grateful I don’t give up. Anyways merry Christmas everyone.
