Between my job and kids I’ve aged about 50 years in the last 3 months
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…1366. Another gift of sobriety…new holiday traditions. Never been a Christmas guy. Second year in a row spent the day baking with loved ones, then a Christmas party with Ms. Monkey’s family.
When I was drinking, I wouldn’t have had the time for people, nor cared to bake for others.
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Hello everyone out there…
So yesterday I started Christmas vacation! No work until after Christmas. Looking forward to the time off!
Driving home from the gym yesterday morning I went down the road that passes by the old liquor store I used to go to, practically every day. I had this fantasy go through my head, huh what if I stop and get something… and do what I used to do…sit at home and drink all day? I drove past. Figuratively, I’m not going down that road again.
I’m going to visit my parents for Christmas eve and day. I talked to my dad on the phone and he said oh its been awhile since I have had some beers with you! He uses my visits as an excuse to drink a bit more than my stepmom normally allows. They never knew how much I drank, and really don’t know that I have quit. The last 2 visits there I didn’t drink but I never told them why, and they didn’t ask. Maybe this time I will share more with them.
I’m proud of what I have done, and continue to do for myself. Except for those occasional, fleeting thoughts of drinking, I’m not afraid that I will fall back. That person is just not me anymore. Even still, I need to recognize what is going on in my head.
Today I spent cleaning house, shopping, laundry, ya know, the fun stuff! Tomorrow is planned out. Going to stick to the plan.
Bye for now…
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Evening check in
Work was good. One of my team leads complimented me on taking the lead today (between me and my other coworker) when it came to my client. It was even more a compliment since my coworker has been with this client far longer than myself, so the fact that this was noticed in me was so nice to hear. This is another gift of recovery… being present. Being able to be of real use and be productive. Actually… I think for me this is the greatest gift of recovery. Being in the moment, being present, being where my hands are. Whether it’s being present with family, or being present at my job, being present so I am able to help people, being present with where I am at within myself, it is all about being present for me. I love this about recovery. Sometimes in the problem, it wasnt the things I DID that hurt people, it was the things I DIDNT do. I was rarely there, and even if I was there, I wasn’t there 
I don’t want to be that way anymore. Im grateful for the very little sobriety I do have. It can only get better 
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it’s easy to be present just after a relapse as we are very focused on what needs to be done but what happens in a week or two when we get that ‘fuck it’ attitude. That’s the time to focus on the now. Where am I and what am thinking? What are the consequences of my actions? What shall I do instead? Who shall I call for help? Do I actually want to be sober?
It’s harder than it sounds bc I’ve literally had out of body experiences and ended up drink in my hand and don’t remember going in the shop to buy it but if I could have been present at the time when I needed it most things would be different. The next time I went in the shop I phoned a sober buddy and spoke to him until I had finished my shopping and got out. So next time you pick up the phone for drugs try typing in a zoom code for a meeting or phone a sober friend instead. 
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You are ABSOLUTELY right! That’s my pattern to the “T”. I relapse… im all right back into doing things that I know I need to be doing… im present and things are good… days go by and things start to slide. Ur right. And I’m glad u wrote this bcuz this IS the reality of my addiction. This is what I need to be reminded of. I have to push thru the tough times. That’s where it gets real for me. If it were easy I wouldn’t have struggled for sooo many years with trying to get clean. I would’ve gotten this recovery thing long ago. I can not get complacent. And I tend to do that. Or I give in too easily when the going gets tough. I have some thinking to do and I have some planning to do so that I don’t fuck up anymore. There is absolutely no reason for me to relapse anymore. I know this routine, I’m learning about myself and my addict thinking. I want to start using the tools. I want to get to where ur at and where so many others are at.
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By the way Paul, thank you for always being so true about recovery and telling it like it is. I need to hear that. I need to be reminded of that. And ya its not going to be easy… and I know that. But im glad to have people like you and others here on TS that know exactly what it is like.
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While drinking I feared everything from the moment my eyes opened in the morning until I managed to fall asleep later that night after laying there already fearing the next day. The opposite of fear is faith. Faith gives me the ability to presume that things will work out OK, if they don’t I have enough faith to know I can deal with it.
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Love this!!! Fear or faith 
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We are no more sober than you, if you are clean today then you’ve got what we have. Tommorow I hope to do the same but I’ll worry about that tommorow.
Congratulations on being sober today 
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I bought a ooni pizza oven anyone have one also?
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I’m proud of ya too JB.
Have a great Christmas vacation. Enjoy sharing with your Dad. And Step Mom. I would sure love to have had the chance to share with my parents. They would have been so proud of me.
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Thanks my friend 
I am clean and sober today. And it feels so good! I’m glad you are too!
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Congratulations on your 90 days MsM
That’s HUGE. GREAT JOB!!
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Thanks Eric I appreciate that. You have a great Christmas as well. Oh, and nice pic out at number 9!
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Checking in, 1830 days. I’ve been catching up reading here. Tomorrow I will take my 5 year token at my regular women’s meeting. And my son and I will read during the lighting of the advent candle at church. All good stuff from being sober. I have a special needs daughter who is nonverbal, so she will light the candle. 
Here is a photo of her meeting Santa this week.
Keep on going everyone for another 24 sober!
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This is magical and so beautiful!! Merry Christmas 
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You too, Dana, Merry Christmas!
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Hey beautiful souls.
I’m back at it again. I know I am always able to get support from this forum. It’s been pretty rough since my last post almost lost my house due to a relapse and I’m mentally unstable but damn it I’m back at it. Started going to meetings again. Feeling pretty good about it this time.
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