What will you do if he comes home with drugs already bought? Can you leave? What are your options? You don’t want to use. Not just bc there is some money around…
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He never has done that. Not once in 7 years. So I don’t believe that this would happen. History has shown me that he tends to ask me my thoughts on using… and then I cave and say yes. The odd time he has made a call without asking me 1st. So he has done that assuming that id be okay with that. But I feel like if I tell him in advance that I don’t want to, then that would solve that problem. He isn’t disrespectful to me and would call anyway if I said no. He thinks differently than me lol he isn’t an addict by any means. He actually has never had 1 drop of alcohol in his 47 years of living!! (This was due to seeing his step dad shoot himself in the face while drunk) but I still need to be proactive. IF that occurred where he did bring something home, I’d leave 
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Okay so I sent the text to my hubby that I said I was going to send. It showed that he saw the message. He called me just now. Seemed fine and everything… mood was good. We didnt talk about it tho (not using etc) but I feel good about the conversation. Ultimately tho… my recovery is my responsibility. No body forces me to use or not use. I have a choice today and today I WILL continue on with my recovery. I take responsibility for my actions. No blame game here lol I don’t want to go through the feelings of having to reset my timer, or the feelings of letting down myself and others. I don’t want to do that!!! I seriously don’t know if I have another recovery in me. I literally risk my life everytime I use and it would be absolutely ridiculous to believe that it won’t happen to me. I dont want to die! So im staying clean today. Fuck whatever happens. I’m not picking up! Staying vigilant right now 
Also… I apologize if my constant posts lately have been a pain lol I haven’t been this clean in soo long and I’m really putting in the effort. And u guys are my biggest support system right now so ya I ramble alot lol
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Thanks hazy, taking my beautiful girls sledding in a little here. And took a cold shower kind of helped kickstart me a little. Loves, smiles and hugs back at you 
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Right on Marc! Huge congrats, two years is awesome! Great to see you. Happy happy joy joy.
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I’m almost a full week sober- I’ve tried out sobriety a few times, and this is the first time I feel some sort of mental shift towards maybe wanting to stay this way forever! In the past, sobriety has always been a short term necessity with the goal of being able to eventually have alcohol again. But because I saw alcohol as a reward and something to be desired, it never stuck!
This time, every time I crave it instead of imagining how good it tastes, I imagine the nastiest flatest beer, or shitty wine that tastes like cough syrup. The cravings have been getting less and less as I train my brain to think of alcohol as gross instead of something I’m missing out on.
I am STRUGGLING with all the sugar and food cravings though! Omg I’ve been letting myself go a little wild this first week, but I definitely need to get a handle on all the food and sweets cravings in week 2.
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That’s amazing!! I’m so glad to hear that mentally things are changing for u and towards the thought of alcohol. My eating habits have sucked too 
I’m on day 9… but ultimately what’s most important for me is staying clean. Of course I do my best to exercise and eat well. But ya I crave alot of foods and sometimes even eat out of emotions or boredom. But yay on ur sobriety!!!
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Huge hugs Mike!!! Ur determination to stay clean and sober thru all the good, bad, and ugly times are inspiring. I’m hoping things lighten up for tho abit. Cuz struggling mentally or emotionally gets exhausting
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@Vern sending strength 
congrats on your days 
@anon57836609 congrats on passing your theory:tada:
@anon53116147 sending strength
@KarenKW congrats on double digits I hope you feel better once therapy restarts 
@Lotusflower congrats on recognising the need for a new boundary and taking action
@Charlie_C sending strength
@marcusmaximus2000 congrats on 2 years 
@Jennajen I hope some company helps
@BostonGirl congrats on your week
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@Rockstar24777 sending strength
@Deep sending strength congrats on 2 weeks
@Butterflymoonwoman well done for sending that text to say you don’t want to use tonight, so now hopefully he doesn’t come home and ask you. I’m praying for you
@TripnMN @Pica @SelfLove_42 @Its_me_Stella thank you all for the support I do a lot of things to support my mental health, SAD lamp on most of the day, prescription meds, high doses of different vitamins and minerals that are known to help with depression, meditations throughout the day, and I only use social media minimally, 10mins or so a day, but I can really feel that my body and mind is craving exercise. I did want to get an electric wheelchair but my dad won’t give me any of my money to get one as he says if I start using one now I’ll never get out of it. I can drive to the gym to use the pool though, so I can start with that 
515 days no alcohol.
76 days no nicotine.
14 days no binge-eating.
7 days no cocaine.
Woke up to more using thoughts, after my first using dream in a while. These were amplified by a text from my landlord saying he is thinking of putting the flat on the market 
I am so upset and scared by this, it took me a year to find this flat, no rentals would allow pets or accept disability benefits. I am so stressed, but I’m ‘trying’ not to worry now until he confirms that he is definitely putting it up for sale. I’m seriously praying he changes his mind. I felt myself unable to cope all day after his text whilst I was browsing the available rentals, and I can’t spend every day doing that without a confirmed reason. What I am pleased about, is that I was able to talk my addict down, I told him that if I used today I would most likely sit here having panic attacks, he didn’t like that! For the first time in a long time, the alcohol demon has tried making a bit of noise, but I know exactly where that takes me and I’m not going there. I’m finding lately that meditation isn’t having as calming affect on me as it usually does, I’m struggling to switch off and connect with them, I still do them every day, and will continue to, but I’m not enjoying this anxious, restless state that is me recently, it’s building in intensity, I really do think exercise might be the answer, it helped massively until those guys in the changing room sent me scurrying back into my shell, it’s time to overcome the fkin fear they instilled me with!
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Checking in on day 244. Leg day at the gym while my wife is Isolated in our master bedroom with covid. Grateful to have a career that affords me the time to stay home to care for her and handle all kiddo related stuff. Have a great day in sobriety everyone.
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I am so sorry to hear about ur landlords texts but u are right tho, it has not been finalized. Housing situations always stress me out too meditation is a funny thing. They do say practicing everyday helps in gaining the greatest benefits from it, so its sooo good to hear that u continue on with it, even when u don’t feel like it’s working. I just did a 10 min guided meditation before coming back on TS. Do u ever do guided meditations or do u meditate on ur own? When I get super anxious I usually need someones voice guiding it bcuz my mind runs n runs n I can’t get into it and gain those benefits I want on my own . And 100% yes on exercise! I don’t know what happened in the change room as u mentioned but whatever did happen, know u are worth it! U are worth having a healthy lifestyle, mentally and physically. Exercise does so much for our minds n bodies! It’s always altitke nervewracking entering the gym. But everyone started somewhere keep up the amazing work my friend
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Day 95.5 AF Things are pretty even keel right now. Why does that always makes me nervous? If things have been good for a bit, why do I expect that things will turn to crap? UGH! I ain’t drinking no matter what shit hits the fan.
@BostonGirl Congrats on 7 days! 
@marcusmaximus2000 Congratulations on 2 years!! 
@CATMANCAM Congrats on 7 days without cocaine!! I know you are really struggling right now but you can handle this sober. 
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Ah OK so I’m not the only over consumer here LOL? That makes me feel a bit more normal 
But on that note, I have also acquired a many oversized tshirt my self these past 6 months. It’s been my go to thing. Big tshirt. Short bike shorts and sneakers.
So I’m all for the 59 tshirts LOL 
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Aaaah jealous. I have a wooden sledge in my shed but south UK doesn’t get much really ever!.. not since I was very young. Enjoy!..
Just checking in. Day 74
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Congratulations on your 2 years ! 
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Checking in
Day 9
Family left. It was a nice visit. Hubby is done work and is on his way home. Should be home in about an hour. Having some thoughts of using to be honest. But I’ve been playing the tape ti the end. Gonna blast some music and once hubby is home, maybe order some food! Hope everyone’s day is going okay
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So, day 7.
The weekends are my downfall.
My pattern was to skate through the week, with the ‘reward’ of having a drink on Friday or Saturday. Sometimes both.
We have groceries to do, so I’ll get some NA beer for myself. Which has worked great for me in the past. That way, I’m not having to leave my husband to drink by himself and we can still have quality time together.
I hope everyone enjoys the weekend!
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