Have you ever felt this truly sinking feeling inside. It permeates right through you. A pit of despair. That’s how I’ve been feeling lately. Depression at its worst. I’ve done quite a bit of therapy and self care but nothing seems to be helping.
That’s how I’m feeling. No joy, waking up only hoping that the evening will come quickly so I can fall back into a deep sleep so that the pain will fade away.
Still sober, still here, struggling everyday. When will this end?
I haven’t the urge to drink, smoke weed or use any substance. I just want to feel again, feel joy and happiness, laughter and love. All have been lacking for the past several years. All have been deeply impacted by workplace psychological violence and harassment which has effected the core of my being.
I’m just rambling away here sharing my thoughts. No one else to talk to or share with. Thankful for this small community of likeminded people though .
Thank you!!! Sounds like ur night was nice also!! Ya the food was delicious. I feel like he does love me and adores me. He’s definitly not the emotional type but he does things that show it it’s amazing the things we miss out bcuz of our drinking or using eh? Like really enjoying the taste of food! It’s amazing! Guess that’s why iv been loving food lately lol
@Butterflymoonwoman thank you I do guided meditations too on the Calm app Congrats on double digits @Rockstar24777 thank you @TigerMatriarch thank you and I love your new username @Frog_Hiccups@MarissaRKX congrats both on your week @LigerLillyLonningLeu welcome congrats on 3 days @Deano congrats on your week so glad you’re already feeling the benefits @SoberWalker thank you love the sunrise/sunset photo through your blinds hoping you don’t catch Covid @Hopeful777 thank you I’m sorry you’re starting to feel anxiety and depression too, I hope it doesn’t get too heavy @Tomek try to be gentle on yourself, you are going through puberty all over again, I don’t know how you found it the first time but for me it was hell, so it helped to remember that when I first started puberty2.0, not only that but the break-up and resettling into a new dynamic with your spouse can’t be easy either. Sending strength
@ShadowFax congrats on your week love the photo of the cow @Daisy49 congrats on 5 weeks sorry about your friends @Singtone I’m so pleased you made it home okay @Deep thank you @Its_me_Stella I’m so sorry for the loss of your beloved dog I’m glad you’re feeling okay. Congrats on 9 months free from SH @SC-ptsd congrats on double digits @Complicatedmama I really hope the children all feel better soon Sorry about the ex. @Clarity this is so wonderful @Twizzlers@seekingsolace sending strength and hope
516 days no alcohol.
77 days no cocaine.
15 days no binge-eating.
8 days no cocaine.
Today started by being aggressively confronted via text by my other friend (my one other friend did this last month). I don’t feel able to respond authentically out of fear of further confrontation, so I’ve not responded at all to the friend today. I haven’t got the mental energy for it.
I haven’t been able to get out of bed or fall asleep today either. It’s really making the days drag. Had thoughts of using just to get a break from the depression and feel different for a few hours, but thankfully this forum and all of you wonderful souls helped me not want to reset again.
@seekingsolace I feel your pain very much so. I have been struggling with depression many years, and have felt like I am slowly dying each day. The last few weeks have been hell, but through that darkness I had the sense to know, that should I drink to numb the pain or take away my loneliness, I may as well just go ahead and pull the trigger. In the dept of this daily despair and noise, I force myself to believe that this is temporary and will pass. I put one foot forward and pray someone is guiding me until I find the strength to do it on my own again. I send you hugs and know you are not alone. One step at a time, one day at a time
D 173 alcohol
D 17 nicotine
Checking in clean and sober today.
Quiet day at home reading Way of the Peaceful Warrior and calming YouTube meditation music.
Congrats to all milestones today, WTG!!
It’s 6:30am here. I’ve been awake since 2:30am despite being exhausted. The joys of jet lag. Went to bed at 8:30pm yesterday hallucinatingly tired, but once my eyes opened at 2:30, my race was run. The strange thing is that at 2:30am in Singapore, it is 7:30pm in France, so I should just be settling down for the evening. I thought it (jet lag) was a myth when I was younger. I think it is very real now. I guess humans just shouldn’t be at two different points on the earth’s surface 11,000km apart on the same day.
Anyway, being awake, alone in a silent apartment has given me some thinking time. It allowed me to realise that I hadn’t thought about drinking at all during the last couple of days. Initially, I thought that might be the complexity of the journey, but this morning I’m wondering whether it was a forced absence from TS.
As supportive and inspirational as I find this forum, I do think that it places my thoughts about alcohol front and centre in my brain.
I think I’m going to take a leave of absence for a while and see how that feels. It may be that my brain is not functioning correctly at the moment and that this is a ridiculous thing to do, in which case, I’ll be back soon enough with my tail between my legs.
You will not notice much difference since I spend 98% of my time reading and only 2% posting. I just thought I’d let you know.
Take care and I’ll pop back in to see you all soon.
It’s been an exhausting day. I lack energy as a result of being jabbed with the booster I think. Had to work from 7 AM-5 PM. I was busy with needy customers a lot. One person started bitching to me that cargo that’s supposed to be in the freezer had been standing on the floor for 30 minutes. I completely understand tipping of an employee. I’m glad if someone does because it might have been there for a long time. But she was pretty much getting in my face and I thought she was about to hit me or some shit. Turns out she’s a regular in the mornings and bitches to everyone. Not a fan. And that stuff is frozen -22 celsius, it takes about 3 hours to thaw.
And my dog peed on my bed
But despite that I’m doing pretty good
.
Your awesome!! How’s ur day going?
it’s amazing the things we miss out bcuz of our drinking or using eh? Like really enjoying the taste of food! It’s amazing! Guess that’s why iv been loving food lately lol
I do guided meditations too on the Calm app 
hoping you don’t catch Covid 
