Thanks Cindy❣️
You just put a huge smile on my face.
Thank you.
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Sorry to hear about the passing of your friend. It’s always a rude awakener when this disease takes someone close to us.
Congrats on your recovery Dan.
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Hey Cam way to go on maintaing and working through your urges.
I as well downloaded Tik Tok a few weeks ago…a nice escape …to bring laughter,
Thank you for the congratulations.,
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Don’t stop talking about this. Keep shining light on it, it will lose its strength.
What was the situation? Maybe I missed your post…
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Congratulations on your 150 days 
. Hopefully the day gets better.
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Congrats on day 50.
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Woke up at 5am to the sound of a metal bed frame being thrown out of a 4th storey window right above me…
The tenant was in a full on meth psychosis episode and smashed his window and proceeded to hurl a whole metal bed frame out the window.
I am lucky I did not sleep with my window open last night or I would not have a window this morning. The frame would of smashed my window on the way down.
More signs from the universe showing me why I am to NEVER touch meth again.
Also more signs to push me to move out of here faster I applied for a few properties over the weekend so hopefully I get some good news this week 
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Thank you! Ya im trying not to keep these thots to myself. The situation happened this morning while leaving my apartment. It wasn’t overly serious but 2 people (woman and man) were getting really rude and mouthy with me in the lobby over a key fob to a unit they were renting for a few days. I found the man passed out in the elevator as I was trying to go to work. He left the elevator after my husband told him to leave but he accidentally left his fob behind. Anyway they started getting rude and whatnot in the lobby as I was heading out due to this fob. My hubby came down to the lobby with the man from suite 414, stepped in and ended the situation. Anyway this is what began my using thots. And then issues came up of me feeling “weak”. Realizing that I don’t have those survival skills anymore (which is actually a good thing to be honest… cuz I don’t need them anymore…) BUT… I don’t like feeling weak. Like I cant handle myself anymore. I feel “soft” to this type of thing now. Idk. It thru me off. I’m in such a weird state mentally. Idk. Honestly, this would be a very stupid situation to relapse on (I mean realistically any situation doesn’t need to be a reason to use) but this reason in particular would be a super stupid reason. That would be like me giving away my power to these people. Why should I let them impact me SO much as to ruin my clean time, feel crappy about myself, and cause financial stress. Nope not doing it. Ya I needed to let this out 
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Omg… how awful is this?! What a way to wake up 
I had a situation happen too 1st thing this morning (definitly not as serious as ur situation tho) but was related fo substances and other people causing problems. Ya another good reason to stay on this path hope ur day gets better!
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Day 43 Sober
Really good day, took the kids to the cinema, nice family meal afterwards followed by fun and games before settling in for an early night. Up and out to work for 5am….and well, you’ve all seen my pics so it’s clear that I need lots and lots of beauty sleep!
Love, hugs and prayers to you all!
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Isn’t it interesting how we perceive things when the universe shows us signs of growth.
I’ve never been more put off from using in my life. Seeing this this morning just cemented the fact that I absolutely LOVE being clean and will protect my sobriety at all costs.
Also, the tenant threw a big bottle of yellow turmeric powder out the window. My window was covered in yellow orange power like it was that Indian colour festival LOL 
you know the one where there is beautiful multi coloured powder thrown every where LOL?
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Afternoon check in
Day 11
Feeling mentally off. Need to let this go. I have given my power away to this situation that happened this morning. Time to take it back! I have let it rent space in my head and I’m done with it. It’s causing me to think of using. And what I have to come see is that I have no control of the 1st thought, but I DO have control over the 2nd. Yes I’ve thought of using… doesn’t mean I have to act on it. I have control over my 2nd thought and therefore my actions. I feel embarrassed or something over how soft I am. And I’m working hard at trying to change this thinking. Since the age of 16 I have literally lived on survival mode. I learned how to fight to somewhat protect myself, I was amazing at getting myself out of situations, I learned how to spot things a mile away, analyze people’s body language and motives, and I’d put on this exterior so that people would “hopefully” leave me alone. I always lived on instinct. And that isn’t me! That isn’t my truth and who I am. And I should be proud that I’m not the cold hearted person that I used to be. But I’m not proud of that right now My brother is picking me up from work. And he will visit until 630 or so. I want to stay clean and hit day 12 tonight.
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God girl can I ever relate to this.
We don’t need to be tough anymore. We don’t have to live in fight ( survival ) mode We can deal with situations gracefully using spiritual principles to guide us. I 100% understand though that feeling you are having, I have had it too. I experienced it the other day when I had words with a guy who was trying to intimidate me. Allllll my “hood” came back which I was grateful for because it saved my life many times but afterwards it felt wrong. I am not that person anymore and you don’t need to be either.
Your addict is going to be trying to grasp at any excuse to get you loaded for the next few days so hang on tight and don’t lose contact. We will help you get through this.
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Stay strong. You can do this…you are doing this!
If a thought hits…play it forward. That works for me anyway.
Heard in my AA meeting the other night ‘you can always find an excuse to drink but never a reason’
Sending positive thoughts your way .
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Right?! That’s exactly what happened! As you put it… the “hood” came out… and that’s exactly what happened today but the problem is… I don’t look hood anymore. I don’t have that, “I don’t give a “f” attitude and the I have nothing to lose attitude” anymore. Bcuz thats not true anymore! Recovery HAS caused me to care and I DO have things to lose! I don’t look tough anymore and it throws people off when they see me talking and acting one way but I look like the average person in another way. They didn’t take me seriously and that pissed me off bcuz in the past I was taken seriously (to an extent). When my husband came down, they shut right up and he got an apology out of that guy. But my hubby looks tough so to speak and he has very deep voice and he can be intimidating… so he got that result. Me, I open my big mouth, and I get myself into trouble especially if someone is being disrespectful to a child or to another person. I can not sit around and let shit happen. If I’m on the train and some person is swearing or smoking or doing something “wrong” when kids are present… I’ll say something!! Often parents don’t want to get involved bcuz they don’t want something to happen to them or their kids. So I do say something bcuz I don’t think people should be subjected to others disrespectful actions. And sometimes my mouth gets me into trouble and now I realize that I can’t back that up. I literally don’t have it in me anymore. And I can’t stand it!! I hate it. And it’s eating me up. I can’t believe something like this is getting to me 
Sorry I’m just upset. Venting is helping. I’m seeing things tho from this. I think this is stemming from fear and stemming from injustice that I felt growing up. Idk. And I guess this is just another thing changing for me. And I dont know if I necessarily like it. Im just trying to think of it in a diff light right now.
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Oh, wow! I couldn’t live like that! My home is my sanctuary, my safe space! Hopefully you find a new place soon.
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After falling off the wagon big time late last year I’m back on day 4. Felt great the first 2 days and now feel really foggy headed, headaches etc. Is this normal? I really don’t remember as it was back in February last year that I got sober. I was feeling so good. Advice please?
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Ha ha ha!!
Congratulations!
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