Day 5 AF.
Weekend done and dusted.
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Day 50 and counting!
Still been busy as all hell around here, 90+ hours a week in the office, while trying to manage life with the single half day I get free.
But ah well, it is what it is right.
One of our guys is coming back from medical leave next week so I should be back to my normal 80hrs a week with my 2 days off so at least iāll be able to kick my feet up and relax again.
My apartment is pretty well done now. The former tenant (friend of mine) still has yet to pick up the rest of his stuff, but I managed to store it away in a closet I wasnāt using so at least its finally out of my way.
Adopted my kitten yesterday! Made for a super long day though. Totally worth it though
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Congratulations on 49 days.
What time is dinner?
I love chicken curry. 
Love to see it on the foodies thread.
https://talkingsober.com/t/foodies-unite-4-trigger-warning-food-dont-go-bacon-my-heart!
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@Twizzlers thank you so much 
@Singtone wish you well
@Dansig congrats on 8 months 
sorry about your friend
@Jesile congrats on 70 days
@Lotusflower congrats on 50 days
@EarnIt sending strength I can relate.
@Andrea4 congrats on your week
@Mich80 congrats on 60 days
@Grumpybeard congrats on 4 months
@Willowwhiny welcome 
congrats on 6 days
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@Sunny11 congrats on getting through that, not what you expect when taking your children to tennis matches, Iām sure!
@Butterflymoonwoman I can relate to this āfeeling softā, I really donāt like it either. Solidarity
@ShesGotMoxie congrats on 150 days sending hope that the sadness lifts atleast a little
@Scrammbles congrats on 50 days
517 days no alcohol.
78 days no nicotine.
16 days no binge-eating.
9 days no cocaine.
Was awoken from a nap this morning by really aggressive shouting coming from a neighbouring property, the man did not stop shouting, I tried to ignore it for about 15mins but it was triggering some PTSD stuff for me. I managed to put the TV on and watch 2 episodes of the new series of one of my favourite TV singing shows, couldnāt manage to sit through the 3rd and most recent episode but by then the shouting had stopped and Iāve been laying in bed meditating and catching up on here. I also downloaded TikTok for the first time and some of the stuff it showed me was funny so that was nice too.
Iāve been really struggling with this situation with my friend confronting me yesterday, I hate when things occupy my mind, like thinking of what Iād say if I replied, it gives me anxiety because Iāve never been able to say what I want to say to her, sheās too confrontational. I do think itās best I leave it, even though it feels really awkward.
Iām still having using thoughts every day at the moment, but they arenāt what Iād call āurgesā because I feel like I have a choice now, and Iām choosing sobriety.
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Thanks Cindyā£ļø
You just put a huge smile on my face.
Thank you.
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Sorry to hear about the passing of your friend. Itās always a rude awakener when this disease takes someone close to us.
Congrats on your recovery Dan.
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Hey Cam way to go on maintaing and working through your urges.
I as well downloaded Tik Tok a few weeks agoā¦a nice escape ā¦to bring laughter,
Thank you for the congratulations.,
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Donāt stop talking about this. Keep shining light on it, it will lose its strength.
What was the situation? Maybe I missed your postā¦
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Congratulations on your 150 days 
. Hopefully the day gets better.
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Congrats on day 50.
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Woke up at 5am to the sound of a metal bed frame being thrown out of a 4th storey window right above meā¦
The tenant was in a full on meth psychosis episode and smashed his window and proceeded to hurl a whole metal bed frame out the window.
I am lucky I did not sleep with my window open last night or I would not have a window this morning. The frame would of smashed my window on the way down.
More signs from the universe showing me why I am to NEVER touch meth again.
Also more signs to push me to move out of here faster I applied for a few properties over the weekend so hopefully I get some good news this week 
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Thank you! Ya im trying not to keep these thots to myself. The situation happened this morning while leaving my apartment. It wasnāt overly serious but 2 people (woman and man) were getting really rude and mouthy with me in the lobby over a key fob to a unit they were renting for a few days. I found the man passed out in the elevator as I was trying to go to work. He left the elevator after my husband told him to leave but he accidentally left his fob behind. Anyway they started getting rude and whatnot in the lobby as I was heading out due to this fob. My hubby came down to the lobby with the man from suite 414, stepped in and ended the situation. Anyway this is what began my using thots. And then issues came up of me feeling āweakā. Realizing that I donāt have those survival skills anymore (which is actually a good thing to be honestā¦ cuz I donāt need them anymoreā¦) BUTā¦ I donāt like feeling weak. Like I cant handle myself anymore. I feel āsoftā to this type of thing now. Idk. It thru me off. Iām in such a weird state mentally. Idk. Honestly, this would be a very stupid situation to relapse on (I mean realistically any situation doesnāt need to be a reason to use) but this reason in particular would be a super stupid reason. That would be like me giving away my power to these people. Why should I let them impact me SO much as to ruin my clean time, feel crappy about myself, and cause financial stress. Nope not doing it. Ya I needed to let this out 
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Omgā¦ how awful is this?! What a way to wake up 
I had a situation happen too 1st thing this morning (definitly not as serious as ur situation tho) but was related fo substances and other people causing problems. Ya another good reason to stay on this path hope ur day gets better!
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Day 43 Sober
Really good day, took the kids to the cinema, nice family meal afterwards followed by fun and games before settling in for an early night. Up and out to work for 5amā¦.and well, youāve all seen my pics so itās clear that I need lots and lots of beauty sleep!
Love, hugs and prayers to you all!
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Isnāt it interesting how we perceive things when the universe shows us signs of growth.
Iāve never been more put off from using in my life. Seeing this this morning just cemented the fact that I absolutely LOVE being clean and will protect my sobriety at all costs.
Also, the tenant threw a big bottle of yellow turmeric powder out the window. My window was covered in yellow orange power like it was that Indian colour festival LOL 
you know the one where there is beautiful multi coloured powder thrown every where LOL?
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Afternoon check in
Day 11
Feeling mentally off. Need to let this go. I have given my power away to this situation that happened this morning. Time to take it back! I have let it rent space in my head and Iām done with it. Itās causing me to think of using. And what I have to come see is that I have no control of the 1st thought, but I DO have control over the 2nd. Yes Iāve thought of usingā¦ doesnāt mean I have to act on it. I have control over my 2nd thought and therefore my actions. I feel embarrassed or something over how soft I am. And Iām working hard at trying to change this thinking. Since the age of 16 I have literally lived on survival mode. I learned how to fight to somewhat protect myself, I was amazing at getting myself out of situations, I learned how to spot things a mile away, analyze peopleās body language and motives, and Iād put on this exterior so that people would āhopefullyā leave me alone. I always lived on instinct. And that isnāt me! That isnāt my truth and who I am. And I should be proud that Iām not the cold hearted person that I used to be. But Iām not proud of that right now My brother is picking me up from work. And he will visit until 630 or so. I want to stay clean and hit day 12 tonight.
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God girl can I ever relate to this.
We donāt need to be tough anymore. We donāt have to live in fight ( survival ) mode We can deal with situations gracefully using spiritual principles to guide us. I 100% understand though that feeling you are having, I have had it too. I experienced it the other day when I had words with a guy who was trying to intimidate me. Allllll my āhoodā came back which I was grateful for because it saved my life many times but afterwards it felt wrong. I am not that person anymore and you donāt need to be either.
Your addict is going to be trying to grasp at any excuse to get you loaded for the next few days so hang on tight and donāt lose contact. We will help you get through this.
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Stay strong. You can do thisā¦you are doing this!
If a thought hitsā¦play it forward. That works for me anyway.
Heard in my AA meeting the other night āyou can always find an excuse to drink but never a reasonā
Sending positive thoughts your way .
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