Day 12. I am trying to focus - will stay strong. Thankfully I got my counselor tomorrow, just need to last the weekend.
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@EarnIt (hope I figured this out right!)
I wonāt minimize the pain. I will say - we are here for you. So just - hugs and love. You got this, and we are cheering for you.
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Yeah itās pretty normal. Itās good that you felt great the first 2 days. I was actually pretty sick the first 5 days or so. But I had headaches on and off for about 3 weeks, and the foggy head like a confused feeling. Itās alot better now but it takes a little time depending on how much you were drinking. Keep at it.
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Day 1,205 since Iāve started my sobriety journey. Today is the last day of my early 40ās, been trying to enjoy it. Havenāt really gotten out of bed yet, and itās almost 4pm. This time of year has always been hard for me. Really wish I could just fast forward to February so I can prune my rose bushes. 
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Checking in today
AF 5 months 25 days
Nicotine free 18 days
Namaste
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Checking in today:
Day 50 of my sobriety! For some reason I feel so proud reaching the halfway mark to the big hundreds. Though I know its not an official badge I feel like it should be, not 50 though but hundred. Anyways halfway there now 
Iām still postponing my nicotine sobriety though. I just started working fulltime in a new position and the stress it causes makes quitting even more difficult. I will quit, but not now.
Btw: Iām starting to harvest the fruits of my labors now. Better sleep and fewer mood swings. Things are finely starting to look real good
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I can relate to this. You arenāt āsoftā for not being who you were when you used to get into physical altercations on the street, maybe carry a knife with you like I did and pull it out before it got pulled out on youā¦ now we donāt live that way and when we are in those types of situations they somewhat baffle us. You are STRONGER for maintaining your SOBER composure and not going back to old habits that helped you survive when you needed them, but are not useful now because you are a different woman. I hope this helps
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Checking back in. I am in a far more stabilized mood. I am still fragile and sitting in on a TLC meeting. I definitely forgot my breathing today. Box-breathing is everything. If you donāt know what it is, Google it and give it a try. It is very grounding.
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Checking in, still sober. I feel like I am coming out of my storm so to sayā¦ they say you are either just entering a storm, in the middle of a storm or just coming out of one. My HP ceases to amaze me. I thought I would have enough money to cover everything from my bills to my cat food this month and I was short and would have had to pay for my cat food in change and not get her litter because I got a necklace pendant with Saint Benedict on it which protects you from all evil and is blessed and spent my money on some other things kind of in that category when I was feeling unsafe going through that rough patch and I called my mom and she ordered cat food and litter on Amazon for me so I am all set for this month. I got everything I needed and I knew it would be provided for meā¦ and obviously my HP found it fit that I get those spiritual gifts to myself in my life for a reason. I am so happy to be sober and so happy for NA and the people I have in my meetings and in recovery on here. One addict helping another addict is without parallel. WE NEED ONE ANOTHER TO RECOVER. This disease has taken so much from me and now I am ready to keep receiving the blessings of recovery ā¤ļøāš©¹ like self-love. I can actually look people in the eyes now and not be so overwhelmed with shame that I can feel ok like I can do that. I used to think there was something wrong with me and get scared looking people in the eyesā¦ might sound weird but itās one of the gifts of recovery. But on that note I am fighting the good fight still, my life is far from perfect, Iām still a little crazy, but I am sober and I have a HP that loves me for me no matter what I have done in my past or what I do now as long as I keep being a better me and staying clean I will be ok.
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Thank you, friend. I love you guys.
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It has been mine for the past 5 years. It has been my safe space.
Only since Iāve gotten clean have I begun to feel out of place here. Before that, I was one of those people.
This home has served its purpose. Its been my sanctuary for the reason it needed to be. Now it no longer serves its purpose.
Seeing psychosis episodes like that only makes me thank God that when I had my own meth psychosis episodes, I did not do anything violent or dangerous.
Iāve seen situations like this morning happen hundreds of times in the past ten years, in all different ways and forms. And it was all just another day.
This morning I really truly did appreciate my gratitude for my sobriety more than ever, because it made me realise how far Iāve come.
Right now, my safe space sanctuary is actually my mind. Iām finally safe there and thatās what is most important. I came out of this past decade on the good side and safe with a sense of calm sanctuary. And that Iām grateful for 
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Checking in
Day 11
Iām exhausted and I feel done with this day. I got home from work, my parents and brother came in to visit for abit. Hubby was already feeling stressed as was I. And the visit was abit stressful. We are both hungry. HALT is in full force right now (except for L). My family left. My hubby gave me his bank card so I could go pick up pizza. He ājokinglyā said, take out $$ from the atm too. And I said āwhat?ā. And he replied, āI was just jokingā. But I knew he wasnāt. And I know heās stressed. He doesnāt know that I was craving to use today. I didnāt want to tell him that bcuz that would maybe give him a reason to try and say something about that, which would in turn convince my addict brain. I leftā¦ im sitting in the pizza place now. Not going to atm. Going straight from point A to point B. Im tired. I want to use. And Iām not going to. And I wanna just bawl in the pizza place bcuz Iām praying to God to give me the strength to stay clean. And its working. And I think of all the people important to me, including u all on TS and myself. And I dont want to use. Im going home. We will eat. And I will get thru tonight. And by 11pm ill have 12 days. Sorry for the blunt wording, but seriously F U addiction. Iām sick and tired of being sick and tired.
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Iām glad you checked back in and are doing better, amiga. I was just catching up on this thread and Iām glad you came here to share. Those hard moments/days/etc stuck in the hopelessness can feel so derailing and defeating. Glad youāve got your breathing going and a meeting to bolster you. Remember youāre loved. Love canāt fix it but it can soften the jagged edges. 
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Go home now. Give the key card back. Tell him not to do that again.
I think you need to have a series conversation with him about what you both want.
Thatās not supportive behaviour.
Go straight home. Eat. Have a shower. Go to bed.
Do not use. You know it is a bad idea Hun.
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Was it that it trigger your fight or flight instinct? You felt unable to fight so flight was your best option. Addicts take flight by using?
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This will change. It just takes time. You know this.
I went from day one to now nearly 230 days. Only because everyday I wanted to get on, I pushed through, no matter how hard it was, I pushed through the cravings and Iāve somehow made it this far.
If I can do it, you can definitely do it.
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I embarrassingly cried in front of the sweet older woman who took my pizza order 
She was chatting with me while I waited for my pizza and she was soo sweet. It did help to take my mind off of using. And then when she handed me the pizza, I thanked her for the talk. I told her today had been stressful and our conversation helped me. I told her she was a very sweet woman. And then I broke down (to a complete stranger lol). I started cryingā¦ not full out bawling but it was noticeable for sure. Anyway, I walked home. Didnāt stop at atm. I gave hubby his card back. I ate. Hubby is super stressed. He noticed no money had been taken out and he ate and is now having a smoke. Iām relaxing. I feel better for sure. Craving has passed thank u all so much for having my back 
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I honestly donāt know. This whole day has been pretty much stressful from the get go. Idk what happened today. All I know is that Iām still clean.
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I just saw this! Congratulations on the grand baby! The world definitely needs more Leos in it. (from one Leo to another 
)
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Thank you!!! Yes I agree!!! 
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