Right?! That’s exactly what happened! As you put it… the “hood” came out… and that’s exactly what happened today but the problem is… I don’t look hood anymore. I don’t have that, “I don’t give a “f” attitude and the I have nothing to lose attitude” anymore. Bcuz thats not true anymore! Recovery HAS caused me to care and I DO have things to lose! I don’t look tough anymore and it throws people off when they see me talking and acting one way but I look like the average person in another way. They didn’t take me seriously and that pissed me off bcuz in the past I was taken seriously (to an extent). When my husband came down, they shut right up and he got an apology out of that guy. But my hubby looks tough so to speak and he has very deep voice and he can be intimidating… so he got that result. Me, I open my big mouth, and I get myself into trouble 
especially if someone is being disrespectful to a child or to another person. I can not sit around and let shit happen. If I’m on the train and some person is swearing or smoking or doing something “wrong” when kids are present… I’ll say something!! Often parents don’t want to get involved bcuz they don’t want something to happen to them or their kids. So I do say something bcuz I don’t think people should be subjected to others disrespectful actions. And sometimes my mouth gets me into trouble and now I realize that I can’t back that up. I literally don’t have it in me anymore. And I can’t stand it!! I hate it. And it’s eating me up. I can’t believe something like this is getting to me 
Sorry I’m just upset. Venting is helping. I’m seeing things tho from this. I think this is stemming from fear and stemming from injustice that I felt growing up. Idk. And I guess this is just another thing changing for me. And I dont know if I necessarily like it. Im just trying to think of it in a diff light right now.
Oh, wow! I couldn’t live like that! My home is my sanctuary, my safe space! Hopefully you find a new place soon.
After falling off the wagon big time late last year I’m back on day 4. Felt great the first 2 days and now feel really foggy headed, headaches etc. Is this normal? I really don’t remember as it was back in February last year that I got sober. I was feeling so good. Advice please?
Ha ha ha!!
Congratulations!
@Mich80 Well done on two months! Keep going!
@Grumpybeard Can’t be grumpy about four months! Give urself a pat on the back!
I do economics stuff for a living. My advise is always - let that pay go to a savings account you never check except to check that you got paid. Then set up an auto-transfer to the checking you use for spending and bill pay to be just what you need plus a 5-10% buffer for cost overruns. If that amounts to more than 70% of your income talk to someone about costs.
Once you hit a decent saving amount (I advise once you have equivalent of covering 4-6 months costs to ensure you are liquid in case of job loss or emergencies, how much buffer you need depends on your level of job security), then meet a financial planner (you don’t need a high end one, your local bank branch will offer someone who does it for free as part of their services). They will help you set it up to meet goals of long term financial security (avoid the high risk Wall Street or mortgage markets like the plague unless you are a trust fund baby).
In my experience, this is the safest and easiest way to longer term financial security for 80% of folks. If you are a 1-percenter it is different but then you probably already have your finance peeps set up…this is for rest of us!
Thank you so much for ur advice!!! U sound really knowledgeable with this kind of thing! This helps me to sort of get an idea about how I can plan for our future! I love stability and those to me sounds like stability 
I hope expressing that makes u feel a little better. Life really can be challenging at times. I hope u can find the strength to make some positive changes, so life isn’t so miserable.
How r u doing Jene? Im just getting caught up on some of the check ins and I noticed ur post from about 6 hours ago. Are you okay?
Just want you to know that you do matter 
Honeslty sometimes life sucks and sometimes it feels like it will never get better. But if you pick up and drink… it won’t get better. It will get worse. Plz stay sober and give uraelf a fighting chance at being happy. Hugs!
Check in for day #637. It’s been a wonderful day. My oldest daughter turned 16 today! She got Covid last week and tested clear this morning and can come out of protocol today. My youngest daughter (10) had been staying with me all week so the rest of the family could limit exposure. I had such a great weekend with just my youngest, it so good to able to spend so much one on one time with her.
Although I will miss my home group meeting tonight, I am grabbing food from my oldest favorite restaurant and taking dinner to the whole family. So happy that I am now more present with my kids and can take the time to celebrate what a wonderful young woman she is becoming.
I got an actual pee ech dee on economics. So go
For it!
Day 517
Just to show how big a deal it wasn’t, four days ago, while searching for kids’ stuff I found husband’s stash of shochu, rice vodka. He has beer openly in the house because that is too weak and too yukky for me to touch. But while I was still struggling to get more than a few months I relapsed on this, so he is obviously worried and hiding it. When I found it, I felt a buzz of excitement “I could mix this with cola and drink it’”. But I just left it, and then genuinely forgot about it until the aa meeting yesterday. I am amazed I am not obsessing over it, but I am not at all!
@Misokatsu and @Butterflymoonwoman Thanks for the thoughts. I don’t feel better. I will. Right now, I waiver between being agitated and sleepwalking. Sometimes the long-term single mom, the single life, being the one responsible, just becomes overwhelming. I just want to put down all the loads I carry.
Today, partnered with other woes, it seems just too much. There’s a reason why people say, “have a drink to take the edge off.” It does take the edge off. The problem, as we all know, is we don’t end up dealing with THE THING making us edgy in the first place.
Dana, I know I matter. If I didn’t, I would have checked out years ago. Years and years and years.
There is no danger of picking up a drink, though it wouldn’t get worse, at least not for me. It would just stay the same, as it has for decades. Sobriety, at least at this stage, and certainly for months and years to come, adds to the pain. It doesn’t take away from it.
That’s the deal. The numbing of the pain. This is not progressive for me. It’s a straight, flat line, neither becoming worse or becoming better. Alcohol keeps me static, immoveable, frozen, emotionally paralyzed.
Day 12. I am trying to focus - will stay strong. Thankfully I got my counselor tomorrow, just need to last the weekend.
@EarnIt (hope I figured this out right!)
I won’t minimize the pain. I will say - we are here for you. So just - hugs and love. You got this, and we are cheering for you.
Hi Friends - checking in again on this day 421. I am ok today and not going to drink, I’m sure of it. However, something odd just hit me. It’s Sunday in the US and the end of the regular season for the NFL - I live up in NE Florida, but grew up in the Tampa Bay area (Clearwater, to be specific). On these Sundays, I would be texting my brother down there and we would talk about the games - he and our father were huge Tampa Bay Bucs fans (and I was too when growing up down there). My Jacksonville team had a good day, and that would have been a topic of conversation. I also just noticed on TV that TB is playing. I would be texting with Kevin (my brother) right now. But, since I lost both my brother (in August) and my father (in October), today just felt strange. I’ve been so busy other Sundays, and the Jaguars games have not kept my attention, that I never missed this tradition. Its very odd. I feel like an orphan - albeit a 58 yr old orphan - but its a strange feeling to less and less living family members around. My mother passed in 2019. I am close to most of the members of Linda’s large family and I have my daughters and sons-in-law here in town, but it does feel a little strange today.
Anyway, this isn’t causing me any triggers and I will not break my string of sober days today. Looking forward to my AA meeting tonight and the best free crappy coffee that comes with it.
Have an awesome evening!
Yeah it’s pretty normal. It’s good that you felt great the first 2 days. I was actually pretty sick the first 5 days or so. But I had headaches on and off for about 3 weeks, and the foggy head like a confused feeling. It’s alot better now but it takes a little time depending on how much you were drinking. Keep at it.
Day 1,205 since I’ve started my sobriety journey. Today is the last day of my early 40’s, been trying to enjoy it. Haven’t really gotten out of bed yet, and it’s almost 4pm. This time of year has always been hard for me. Really wish I could just fast forward to February so I can prune my rose bushes. 
Checking in today
AF 5 months 25 days
Nicotine free 18 days
Namaste