I’m sorry you have to deal with Grandparents without a filter. My MIL is like this and treats me and my daughter the same way. I’ve come to learn that its thier own insecurity coming out about themselves. Like a bully, who lashes out at others but inside is the most insecure person. Don’t let it get to you. Hope you had a good time with your friends.
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Good to see you checking in.
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Hello guys, checking in day 40.
Today has been the most hard day by far. I had many urges and temptation to watch p*rn throughout the day. I even thought that I will relapse today but I am happy to tell that i did not.
I kept telling myself that it is okay to feel bad and instead of resisting these urges and emotions, just allow them to be. Before whenever an urge arise, I would try to resist it and push it. I would try to force the sexual thoughts to go away but it always ended in relpases.
Today was different. Even thought it was hard, I tried to accept how i am feeling in the moment and observe the thoughts. I reminded myself of the goals and aspiration in my life. I know its just the start of the journey but its a big win for me
And am so grateful for you guys. Seeing you giving your best really inspire me.
Bye guys, have a great day and thanks for reading.
Love you.
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Checking in 160 days sober.
While we check in here, take a little time today to check in with someone you love. Friend, family member, anyone. It’s a hard time in the world right now. Your call could give them light and hope when it’s needed most. 
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Congratulations 
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Thank you!!
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That sounds awesome liv. And great at rocking the jump, I can relate with anxiety I broke my ankle on a kid hill at a place called whiteface. I literally couldn’t stop and ran into the building at the bottom of the hill. But I am glad you got out there and had fun.
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Day 142, girls did come over and we did have a good day much love
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Day 110
Not gonna lie, I’m hurting.
Realizing nothing is as it seems. Friends and people all have motives and agendas. Some intentionally attack me because I’m open and forward about my faith.
Men can be disgusting pigs. (Sorry brothers)
I know there are so many good and well intentioned men out here too yet I seem to attract some ferocious wolves and pigs. (Boars)
Anyways …
I’m feeling extremely alone, bored, unsettled, un-purposed and closed off. I’m feeling unworthy of true love and honorable froendships, I’m feeling abandoned and shipwrecked.
I think I’ll go for a very long walk. And turn off technology except good music and headphones.
Deep breath…
Today is one of these days where I’m glad tomorrow will come and hope is but a speck on someone else’s radar.
I feel VERY disposable and replaceable. Mis-guided, mis-calculatrd and fucking depressed.
Sorrow…
Sorry for my dark truth here.
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Those are some hard feelings. But you are the opposite of all those things, you are unique, of value, lovable.
A good stomp listening to music sounds like a smart response.
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I’m sorry to read your having a lousy day. That sounds awful. Getting it out on here and then Getting out and having a good walk with some music is a great idea. If I felt like that I’d get Eminem and some other angry hip hop artist blaring in my head and power walk it off. Or a good Christian playlist. And get the power of God to help relieve your pain. Either way you are doing something to help yourself. I’ll throw a little prayer your way too.
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
1Peter 5:7
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It sounds like you have faced a lot today, and feeling pain is hard when we are learning how to live this new way of life.
I am going to challenge this thinking though. I understand where you are coming from 100%, but this thinking is not going to work well if you want to move forward in your recovery. People can be shitty, and lots of people are always shitty, but not all people are shitty. I have been blessed to find some pretty amazing people in recovery who are working solid programs and are bettering themselves daily. To be honest with you, I’m not super interested anymore in having non " addict in recovery" friends. I find the general population needs to do some work on themselves and that we in recovery are willing to do that. Once I changed who I was hanging around with and took a look at the common denominator in all my “shitty relationships” (me) I was able to change some things up. You are right when you say “we attract”, that is exactly what happens. So I needed to look at my behaviors that were attracting this type of person into my life. It is a cycle for me, and it can be broken if I stay self-aware. I can’t blame all the men, not all of them were hunting me down, I waved down quite a few.
You are definitely not alone Paige, although I am sure that you do feel it. Attacking you due to your faith only shows someone’s ignorance, I am sorry that you were hurt in this way.
Sending you a big hug, I hope you can clear your mind while you walk.
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Hope you have a better evening paige.
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Well done sir!!! When you get those urges I know its not easy at all! I always ask myself in that moment…what will I feel like after drinking that bleach? Momentary bliss followed immediately by shame, guilt, and sadness. Win the moment win the day. Congrats on staying strong bro! One moment at a time…
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Not posted in a while as I’ve been pretty busy recently. But still going strong, checking in 48 days! 10 days longer than my last stint! Enjoying sobriety now, I like having more time, my life is so much more in order, is great not having hangovers & feeling like crap. Iv actually started a project recently which I’ve been enjoying and which could bring in some money in the future. Would never have had the head space to even think about doing half the stuff I’ve done relating to this when I was drinking! I’ve not smoked or vaped either for ages (not actually been counting the days with that but it’s been a decent amount of time and I don’t crave it anymore) and finally starting to get a bit of a grip on the eating junk food, started counting calories & eating healthy and generally I’ve been sticking to it, just allowing a few treats every now and then. All in all things are good atm and after ages of being bored depressed and sober, I now feel like I am really starting to enjoy the benefits of a sober life. I don’t want to speak too soon, but I really don’t see myself going back to drinking. Met a friend for dinner this Eve and went to a pub before hand as we were early for the table, not even one part of me wanted to drink, it just wasn’t even a temptation. And just had a really nice evening catching up, having nice food, and bits I’m back home sober and clear headed 
. Haven’t been able to catch up on all the previous messages recently, but hope everyone is well
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I’m sorry you are hurting. You are not alone, but you’re right, there are dishonest and cruel and manipulating people out there. It’s hard to understand how some people are the way they are. If you need to talk more you can always message me. I know you don’t know me, and it’s hard to trust people. I’ve felt similar to how you are feeling. That’s why I don’t let a lot of people into my life, I always have my radar on. I’ve been hurt too many times… But there is so much good in the world and I hope to send some your way. Hugs.
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I always appreciate how much understanding you have of how the world really works. I’ve found that the general population you speak of avoids the Work because it’s hard, it’s long, and at times the pain is unbearable. At a certain point you have to really look at yourself and admit that maybe you’re not as good, or as kind, or as strong as you thought you were. That maybe your “good intentions” are actually rooted in fear and insecurity, or maybe those fears and insecurities subconsciously perpetuate thoughts and emotions, that drive certain actions you take; and, in those actions, you end up in the same situation over and over again, and you wonder why it always happens to you, or why all (insert group) are horrible, or why you can’t find love/success/etc.
The most interesting thing, I have found, is that after the years of diving into the underworld of our consciousness, the path opens up and suddenly, with all that understanding and power of self-responsibility, there is a place of real freedom.
@PaigeTurner I’m sorry you’re hurting. It sounds like you’ve been through some difficult situations. I don’t know you, but I can tell you that you are worthy of love, and of friendship, and of all the good things that come with those connections. Keep walking forward and learning about yourself. One of the hardest things I had to learn was how to let go of people who did not value what I had to offer, or respect the person I was. It took decades to not only logically understand this, but to really accept the feelings of sadness and disappointment that came with it, to really know I wasn’t going to get what I needed or wanted from those people, and then to let them go. I wish you the best in what’s happening right now in your life.
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Hey everyone. Really trying to make it through the rest of this night. In a not so great place and I just wanted to reach out here cause I need to do something so I don’t let it beat me tonight. Could really use the extra boost tonight. Thanks everyone.
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@Kymage thank you, I’m sorry you’ve been having.bad days too 
@JennyH thank you
@Lotusflower thank you and thanks also for the reminder re progress 
@Misokatsu thank you
@Frank68 prayers for your granddaughter well done for staying sober have a great fundraiser
@Dansig I’m glad the interviews went well belated congrats on 300 days
@Hopeful777 I hope you had a nice day at the beach 
congrats on battling those thoughts
@kat261 congrats on 7 months have a great vacation
@Annedizzle welcome I hope things went well at the doctors appointment
@1in8billion sending strength congrats on 30 days and your self-awareness over the eating stuff
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@Butterflymoonwoman I hope you enjoyed the exhibition
@DTC52 sending strength in time, weekends become just like any other day
@ShadowFax thank you Roland
@zzz I hope your hand heals quickly
@KellyKelly welcome back
@Nastymrskitty welcome congrats on 8 months seems like you can recognise the lies our addict brain tells us. I’ve been going to CA in-person and Zoom meetings and it is really helping to hear shares from other addicts, to know that I’m not the only one with a mind like this, and that there is a solution.
@SadMemeQueen Ugh, I’m sorry you had to deal with that 
@5th_dimension sorry things didn’t work out, sending strength
@anon53116147 this voice of doubt could be your addict trying to make you feel so shit that you end up using, please fight it sending strength and I’m so glad you listened to the bad vibes I glad you had a fun day with your girls
@Mno that is a gorgeous photo 
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