Love the new avatar again. I see strength in it 
You are getting stronger.
3 Likes
That sounds quite hard. I know what you mean about the world being unsettled sometimes, like everyone is anxious and on high alert. I guess you are more attuned to it because of the meditation and because you have a clear head. It is really hard to not let it trigger you though. I seem to be processing decades worth of stuff at the moment and everything is triggering me.
Hope you feel more settled this afternoon.
1 Like
Awesome Seb! Congratulations on your 2 months. 
1 Like
Day 5 of no self harm in a few hours.
Was supposed to get some school done but I didnāt sleep so thatās put off for now. Hung out with my friends again.
Now that I have a little bit more of a social life Iāve noticed how helpful company is. Unfortunately, this has also made me realize how much worse I feel when Iām alone. Since my only friends are online friends, it gets lonely. And when Iām done talking to them for the day, I just feel this pit. I think itās just a rude awakening when Iām having so much fun and then the second I hang up Iām back to this abusive environment.
I just feel bad today. Maybe itās a lack of sleep. But lately even when nothing has happened to cause me being upset, itās like my brain creates pointless anxiety. Iāve had so many bad nights lately, when nothing has happened to cause them. Itās just a general feeling of anxiety and despair.
I just desperately need a positive change in environment. Iāve lived in this cycle of abuse for nearly 20 years. It just gets exhausting
12 Likes
@Butterflymoonwoman congrats on saying ānoā 
That dream catcher is awesome 
@1in8billion thank you 
@Tomek good to see you checking in, and feeling less socially anxious 
@Becsta sending strength
@JennyH congrats on your month sending strength
@Sabrina80 welcome back congrats on 2 days
@Tito23 congrats on 3 months
@kat261 thank you
@DTC52 congrats on your week
@zzz sorry to read this, I hope youāll keep trying 
7 Likes
@Grumpybeard congrats on 6 months
@Minatasha welcome sending strength
@Seb congrats on 60 days
573 days no alcohol.
38 days no cocaine.
15 days no binge-eating.
Started Step 4 today, my sponsor didnāt come round as he said the reading only takes 20mins so we did it via video call. The first task he set was for me to write a list of all of my fears, he gave me today and tomorrow to do it, so far Iāve listed 103 fears.
I got myself out for another slow walk around the lake this afternoon, really enjoyed it, it was very peaceful and my feet didnāt hurt much at all.
I attended two CA Zoom meetings back to back tonight, powerful main shares and share backs too.
Looking forward to a new week of recovery, hoping to connect with some more newcomers over the phone. Also looking forward to the face to face meeting on Tuesday evening.
I hope youāve all had lovely sober weekends
22 Likes
Well done!
Nice job!
1 Like
@CATMANCAM Wow ur incredible work! Sounds like ur Fear section of your step 4 was done very thoroughly. Thats awesome! Keeo up the great work my friend! Recovery is sounding amazing on you!
@JennyH Iām airry ue going thru everything at once girl. It can be aooo exhausting and overwhelming. I hope u get some peace and serenity soon. Recovery isnāt all like this. But it sure feels like thise triggers and trauma etc drag on sometimes 
@Dazercat thank u Eric! I do feel strongerā¦ well maybe stronger isnāt the wordā¦ I feel empowered absolutely! I feel strong but not sooo strong to think thay i can overpower addiction on my own (if that makes any sense). Where Iām right now with addiction is like the ocean waves. This is exactly how i think of addiction. Cuz ocean waves can be intense or not so much, they can be unpredictable, and they can feel over powering. I respect the ocean waves bcuz they can be deadly. I feel strong and capable of managing the waves but I am cautious and on my toes. And I respect the fact that addiction is cunning, baffling, and powerful. I also have a healthy fear of addiction like I do of the ocean waves. In the past, I used to be sooo fearful of addiction and its hold on me, and I even had intense fear of being clean and relapsing. Iāve also been on the other side where Iāve had no fear at all of using, and no fear of being clean and sober (very over-sure of myself/cocky). Each side wasnāt healthy for me. Now I feel like Iām in btwn lol
4 Likes
Hey cc my sober twin! Hope you are well! Ya it snowed on and off most of the day here. Actually, I just looked outside and it is snowing again. This time of the year the snow comes and goes fast. Probably all be melted away by tuesday. Here is the view right now from my balcony
Bye for nowā¦
14 Likes
Welcome back! Glad youāre here 
1 Like
@Butterflymoonwoman I know what you mean about picking up vibes. Going out is sometimes more stressful than sitting around the house. I have given up on social media (except here, or course!!) because it seems everything upsets me on some level.
Getting ready to start my first full week of work. Have to go to bed by 9 and Iām not at all tired. Plus itās snowing, so my ride may not show up tomorrow. Just going to find a movie or read something and call it a night.
Cheers, everybody! 
6 Likes
Checking in on day 268. I went ice skating with the family today. I think the last time I was on ice skates was when I was twelve years old (30 years ago 
). I managed to not fall on my ass, and even started to get the flow of it. Iām no Brian Boitano, but I had tons of fun with the kids. Definitely a good sober day.
Hope everyone is doing OK during these challenging times. 
19 Likes
Snow!!! 
we got snow here too 
1 Like
Checking in on Day 39. Sunday night anxiety, blah. Going to try some stretching and tea before bed. Sending love to all
17 Likes
I understand the Sunday thing. I hope you find a moment to breath. This just reminded me of somethingā¦ Maybe youāve done it. When I get anxious I take a deep breath and try to notice three things I see, three things I hear and three things I can feel (Petting my dog is the best one in the last one!)
Have a peaceful night and I wish you a great sleep.
3 Likes
Thank you! I use that technique often, and I had not thought of it.
I forgot about it too so thank you for helping to remind me to remember about itā:smiley:
1 Like