Big hugs. Maybe do cry? Let it out. It is hard, but feelings have to be felt, not numbed.
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Man I relate with you alot cam. I apologize as I sometimes just blow through quick and not even catch what Iām actually reading. But my whole life dude I have felt the exact same way as you, I was very vocal about this with my mom, she did so much research on it and this was even before my addiction, she new I was born with a twin when I was a child that was attached to my head. A dumoid cyst, she didnāt think anything of it but came to find out vanishing twin syndrome or survivor twin is a real thing. I was very much attached to that twin and apparently felt alot of regret. So my whole life I really hated myself. I even always had friends who were twins and bonded with them so well. Sorry this probably sounds stupid, and Iām not saying this is the case for you but just that I relate and my mind says the same to me when Iām in groups, or when ppl donāt talk to me, last year I went with my sponsor to a car show and literally just sat there in a corner not talking to anybody and felt like a complete idiot. Weāre not idiots man, and itās ok not to talk or have the same interest with ppl. But I do say those guys suck for not striking up a conversation with you, I would never do that to someone as I know how it feels. I always feel ppl think Iām weird and often can pick up on it with the way ppl look or interact with me. But thatās just feelings I geuss doesnāt mean itās true. But my mind says itās true. Idk much love man, you know you can always message me and talk if you want. Sometimes I am in funks and donāt do the best at replying but I am always here man.
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