Getting through my ups and downs, also my up and down thoughts.
Need to start checking in a bit more as i find my head seems more balanced when i do regularly.
Its 12:38am here in the UK. Iv just stopped organising things at home. Have few more things to sort but i thought i must stop, i must check in and not push my self too hard, get into bed and check how everyone is doing today.
I come on here after a tough 15 hour day to these beautiful supportive messages. What a nice ending to a crappy day. Thank you very much for lifting me up when I’m feeling down @Chiron, @Mno, @Hopeful777, @liv_m and @RosaCanDo. You guys are the best!
Aww thanks @Twizzlers! Hugs are always welcome. I hit 900 days and life has been really tough lately. I know a drink or a drug will not help but I wish I could just escape for a little bit. I’ve been using meditation before bed and it’s helping.
Checking In Day22
Incredibly busy day… just go go go. But I did get alot done and feel proud of what i accomplished. Less to have to do tmrw i tried joining some other support groups today for other areas that are bothering me and it wasn’t a good fit and so I decided to leave them. But one thing at a time I guess. Recovery is ultimately my #1 goal. Recovery needs to come 1st otherwise I truly have nothing. I feel tired today for sure I’m grateful that I’m clean tho and abit more aware of how I take out my stress on others. I had to apologize to hubby shortly after he got home bcuz I was playing my frustration and stress on him, when he did nothing. So im learning to recognize when I’m in the wrong and that’s huge. Hope everyone day/night has been good
900 days thats big !! Congrats
When i feel overwhelmed or my thoughts suddenly become too much i have to remind myself the feelings are temporary and wont last forever.
If you can just take time out for yourself doing something you enjoy if its possible too x
Im glad meditation is helping you, i find it difficult to quiten my mind so have been listening to audio books to learn to quiten my mind and not let it wander off, in the hope i can meditate properly.
Im here if theres anything i can do to help
I really hope after some rest you will feel better.
Thank you @Twizzlers. You’re a sweetheart! Exhaustion is my enemy. I don’t stop to think about H.A.L.T and it gets me every time. I’ll be fine as soon as I get caught up on some sleep.
I can totally relate Lisa …Exhaustion is huge for me. I have that H.A.L.T posted on my fridge. I haven’t been sleeping all that well lately. @Twizzlers , my mind gets so overwhelmed and I really appreciate the thought of reminding myself it won’t last and love the idea of the audiobooks because I find meditation really difficult too.
It’s only day eight for me and today was the first day I didn’t have a really intense craving but I have been feeling off- kind of brain fog and extremely tired. It’s not an intense craving at all but it’s a feeling of "What’s the point if I’m not going to feel any better I might as well just have a drink "
But I won’t because I know I will feel better in the morning waking up sober. Thanks for your posts♥️
Day 7 of no self harm. Wanted to make another update separate from my last.
I don’t know why, nothing happened. But my brain has fine into flashbacks very badly. The only way I know how to bring mysekf back and ground myself is to self harm but I know I can’t do that.
If my life doesn’t change soon, I am going to end up dead. Living the way I am right now is just not feasible. Constantly dissociating. Having flashbacks. The way my family treats me. I’m in therapy and I’m doing everything I can to stay in a good place. But this environment is preventing almost all of my stability and progress. I just don’t know how much longer I can do this. If it’s not me dying, I’m going to completely give up hope and stop fighting. Which will lead to me death.
I’ve honestly been debating just packing a bag and taking the bus as far as it goes. I’ll be homeless for a good while. I have no one anywhere near me. But I think the streets may be better than living here and being around my family.
I’ll give it 3 months. 3 more months and then I’m out of here. I’ll pack and go
I still get them days it was our get out of jail free card for so many years our first place to hide.
Thing is as bad as life can be it’s still better than it was isn’t it. Huge congrats on your 900. You deserve it.
Thanks for checking. Day was ok, girls were here till 4. No treadmill it’s been a really long time little over like 2 months, it was through Bowflex must be that had to build the thing or something lol. Hopefully tomorrow, but day was ok picked up and made space for the treadmill sold my exercise bike. I did get triggered tonight because I stopped to the gas station and saw my old dealer and he gave me the double nod like what’s up what’s up and I feel awkward if I don’t say hi because I know him on a mutual level so I feel I still need to say hey like not be rude. And then when I got in the truck I caught myself thinking about asking him but I didn’t I hurried up and jetted. Came home meditated and laid on my acupuncture mat. I’m glad it was kind of a busy day for you and hopefully a good one even if a little hectic:) your doing amazing and love seeing your growth
i tried joining some other support groups today for other areas that are bothering me and it wasn’t a good fit and so I decided to leave them. But one thing at a time I guess. Recovery is ultimately my 
I’m grateful that I’m clean tho and abit more aware of how I take out my stress on others. I had to apologize to hubby shortly after he got home bcuz I was playing my frustration and stress on him, when he did nothing. So im learning to recognize when I’m in the wrong and that’s huge. Hope everyone day/night has been good 
