Great job Cindy.
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Way to go Cindy!!!
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Checking in sober, but eating to much chocolate, have to cut back on that. But Im not drinking so Im happy with that. Last days I have been thinking about my x bestfriend, the wine. Not craving for it having a hard time, but thinking about it, how it was nice having a glass friday nigth after work or in the summer with cold rosƩ wine. So now Im thinking about summer, and all special occasions, and I cant drink. And it makes me a bit sad, like what do I do instead its not the same without wine. Not to worry about that yet, one day at a time.
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Playing the tape ALL the way to the end helps me when my mind lies to me about all the ābenefitsā of using. There is a reason why we quit and why we are here. I go back to those reasons and then write a gratitude list of the blessings thay have occured in my life due to my recovery 
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Day 151 checking in
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Yes absolutley! Its a reason I cant drink and I know it. And I sometimes play the tape all the way and I dont like the end, so I dont drink. I also try to remind my self all the pain I had around my body, the anxiety and the worrying about dying of this. But sometimes its hard to remember exactly how painful it was now when I dont have it. Just have to take one day at a time, and tomorrow is tomorrows worries, the same for summer.
Thank you for your replie.
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Checking in
Day 5
After pray and mindfulness on my way to work, I am feeling slightly better. My client is tired today so she is still sleeping but my coworker is on a rampage. I hate work drama and gossiping snd this n that. I literally sat there listening to her about why this organization is shitā¦ (which to be honest, it isnāt that supportive seeing how it is actually quite a dangerous job and the lack of emotional support after physical and emotional attacks is so obviously not present here). We have both been here for a long time (me 8 years this year) and ya there is a reason why it is called Complex Needs. But I am choosing to be grateful that I have a job. I just left the office sbout an hr ago and sat in the living room to collect myself and refocus. I do think about a career change often. But financially and time wise I donāt have the space to do that. I also want to figure out the direction I want to go with my career. It canāt be something where Iām hesitant/wishy-washy on it and spending money and time I donāt really have. I have to be sure of it. Anyway, I am already wanting to leave work. 5.5 hours more to go lol
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Checking in day 46. Our little dog died on Thursday, he was 20 years old and we were very blessed to have him for such a long time but it does suddenly change the dynamics of our household. Iāve handled it well and so have my wife and kids. Iām glad I could be sober and clear headed for them during this time. Iām going to a concert tonight by myself but Iām confident Iāll be able to stay away from booze. Thanks to all of you for your support. Iām happy to be part of this community.
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Congratulations!!!
Iām so sorry for you loss Bran.
No matter how many times we go through the death of a pet. It always always sucks.
20 years though? Pretty cool.
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Yes! I always joked that he lived off of spite and pure hatred 
if you know a chihuahua you know what I mean.
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Checking in before going to sleepā¦ 4:44am (day 15) where I am in Australia, but my night shift at a gas station kinda interrupts my ideal ābefore midnightā plan I was hoping to work onā¦ I feel strange at the moment, not negative per se but like thereās a lot of responsibility weight on my shoulders. Maybe Iām overwhelming myself? I know as a fact that my addictions and problems arose out of and have since easily been triggered by great stress. I just donāt want to succumb to my greatest fearsā¦
I feel pressured to help my younger siblings; to normalize socializing with family, housemates and others; to succeed at work; to stop being on a rollercoaster on ST, before my psychologist or above all for my obvious mental and physical health; not to accept an easy escape but pave a hard yet better path in unknown territory; to keep my shit together and always stay mindful lest I slip; not to give up, and to succeedā¦ I donāt even know what Iāll tell my psychologist next friday (who was absent last week), but thatās not necessarily a worry yet either.
Last week seems to have flown in comparison to the week before despite going relatively well, I wasnāt quite as switched on and hadnāt even set myself a follow-up timeframe promise after the first week like planned, just kind of lived through it. So for the sake of learning from the past before anything happens if Iām not careful (maybe my feelings are a reminder to stick to a plan), Iām going to try making that promise every morning after waking up and meditating around 8am for nowā¦ One day at a time for now I guess ey! Weāre our own and only judges in this mysterious life, no living being is a failure, only different, and only we can know where we feel weāre meant to goā¦
Maybe I just feel quite vulnerable right now, on my own to a large extent and with my future on my shoulders as I write thisā¦ Just felt like getting some thoughts off my chest because exposure is helping me a lot recently.
Anyways, cheers for taking the time to read this and keep your heads up fam. 
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Wow congratulations on the long beautiful life you had with your dog. I am experiencing this too at the moment. Sorry for your loss, enjoy your concert, and congrats n your days.
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Can I ask what ur plan is? Working nights must be hard. I found being awake overnight when I worked at the halfway house I was at, really triggered using thots. Hope thatās not happening for u 
but ya working overnights is TOUGH! Stress is a huge trigger for using too for me. Itās almost like I have to catch it early on before the stress monster gets TOO big and so overwhelming that I cave. But u seem to be doing the right things! Co vrats on ur 15 days!!! Hope u get some good rest
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Oh wow Roland!!! God Iām so proud of you!!! Has it really been 50 days?! I remember ur posts about when u slipped and now look where u are! Incredible work my friend!!
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1391
As I close in on four clean, I think if this often, What side of the bus will I sit on today. Today I choose the side with the view. I know that the other side of the bus gets meā¦
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Checking in day 128. Not to much to say. trying to be in the good spirits keep the gratitude going. @Becsta thank you, I didnāt know that meaning honestly but seriously that is a good selling point that you described. It does seem to be the most versatile machine out of all four. And your response definitely helps me want to get it 
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Hey guys. Just checking in day 26.
Have a nice day
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