Happy Saturday all. Feeling some things so I grabbed a bubbly juice, a good tv show and the treadmill. 75days.
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Evening check in
Day 5
Feeling proud of myself for choosing to do the next right thing with my intense anger. I am generally not an angry person and i neber get THAT mad. Something that wouldâve made me use, turned out to be a learning opportunity for growth. I still donât know WHY my coworker angered me so much. Iâm not sure even how to figure this out or if it even does need to be figured out. But something definitly was triggered within me. Anyway⌠I ate and am relaxing now. I do know that anger is a secondary emotion. So I need to discover what emotions were being set off that therefore came out as anger.
Another positive thing happened tonight. The âbig bossâ of our old dealer contacted my hubby thru Instagram 
asking if something was wrong as we havenât called in awhile (these guys man⌠they are so damn persistent and find any way imaginable to contact u). My husband told me that he told him, that we quit! Apparently the only thing that guy said was, âwell we will be here if u ever need usâ. Iâm proud of hubby for saying. They used to beat around the bush and say we didnât have money or this and that. And he actually came out n said something! Proud of him.
Sorry for all the long posts lately BTW. It does help to get stuff out but Iâm sure it gets sickening to read lol
Anyway, thanks Ts fam!
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Hey Dana, thanks for your reply! 
part of my plan included sleeping before midnight as Iâve heard much that itâs important for deep sleep. 10-11 as initially hoped is no longer possible, but midnight or at least not too much later(!!) would help⌠I know I can manage before 1am if I change some things!! Lack of sleep has brought me into some crazy states of mind before which have predictably led to relapses, so I do appreciate the importance of healthy sleep!
Iâll post my daily plan later as well as something from one of my psychology sessions⌠
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Ya Iâd love to read ur daily plan! When u have time tho to post it, Iâll be happy to read 
Absolutly sleep is sooo important. Itâs our bodies and minds time to heal. I get like that too. Honestly lack of sleep (especially severe lack of sleep), creates some very unpleasant thots that I donât even want to get into. But since I know that now, I too strive for bed btwn 10-11pm
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Hope youâre feeling better Dana, big hug, your coworker has her own struggles by the sounds - please donât dwell on it too much⌠I donât think it was meant as personally as youâve taken it and she mightâve just been paranoid after exposing some of her vulnerabilities, but itâs not worth the attachment⌠Try having a think where the origins of these emotions might be stemming, maybe breach of trust or not being believed might be a personal triggerâŚ? Or perhaps you generally feel uncomfortable with her and donât feel ready for the unexpected intimacyâŚ? There might be many reasons, but youâre pretty mindful of it all which is a good start, maybe try meditating, walking/exercising, taking a swim/bath/shower, talking to her or someone else about your feelings? 
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There you are, Sis. I was getting ready to call you out on the âyou are missedâ thread. Or put your pic on the back of a milk carton. 
Anyway, I miss you and glad to see youâre still kicking sobrietyâs ass. Great numbers you got there.
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I feel awful actually right now. I felt so justified in my anger. And now that Iâm talking with you and others on here on TS. Itâs making me see some things. Iâm proud that I didnât use!! Donât get me wrong. But anger/resentment is something I canât afford to have in recovery. They say it is the #1 killer for us alcoholics and addicts. Evil was definitely trying to kill my joy and my connection with my HP. And it worked this time. BUT⌠I didnât use over it. I just wad completely running on self will and didnât pause when agitated, or didnât ask for direction from my HP. Damn 
I did my step 11 nightly inventory. And when it said âDo u owe an apology?â. I said no thinking my anger was justified. But I think I do. Bcuz I wasnât acting the way my HP would want me to act. I do have reservations with her. I donât like getting close to coworkers. I felt attacked and accused of doing something I didnât do. I probably did take it very personally like u mentioned. In fact I think I did. Not being believed⌠ya thats one for sure. That stems right from my abusive ex. Being accused of things and having to prove myself all the time that I wasnât doing them. Damn ur good!! U have given me many things to think about lol. Thanks for ur insight! I appreciate it
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Checking in, Day 152.
I woke up tired and exhausted. Tired of feeling this way so I decided I had to try and just snap out of this funk. I spent all day meditating and doing fun things with my daughter. We danced and sang together for quite some time and it made me feel so much better.
Everything just is what it is and thatâs what it is to be.
I have to focus on things in my control, I need to continue to grow and learn how to breathe again.
Today, wasnât horrible. I think that I will be okay, I just have to keep pushing forward.
I appreciate everyone in this community, you guys fucking rock.
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Thank you Dana 
Time is indeed flying by. One day at a time works for me. and Iam less counting the days. I hope you are doing well. Wish you a wonderful sober Sunday. stay strong 
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- Coffee. Spinning class planned this Sunday morning. Pondering if Iâm going. I should. I will. Going to get my rain gear to get there. And hurry a little bit. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Make it sober and clean. I will. Itâs the only way to have a better happier life.
Pic is from my little ride to the dairy farm yesterday. Having some of itâs delicious yogurt with muesli now. Love.
@ShadowFax 50 already Roland! Congrats!
@apes2020 Ever better, ever stronger, ever longer. Great numbers April.
@C_8 Thanks for checking in Cate. X
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Love that feeling of being past the last milestone. Congratulations!
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Great job, well done. Thatâs a great milestone to hit 
Day 152 
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Must be a amazing feeling. You are doing great! congratulations 
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Congrats on 90 days, thatâs huge
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50 days, thats a nice number! Congratulations for making it, one day at a time
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Almost at 1000 how exciting ! 
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Hey.
As Iâm in my 40s I can honestly say my problem with alcohol is the same as when I was in my 30s 20s and teens. By doing step work ( avoided this for 20 years ) helps me to see in black and white the true addiction, destruction to myself and others,. With that I donât glamorize drinking as assisting me to have fun . Having fun is much deeper today. 
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Checking in on Day 15 (yay!)
I had my first social challenge last night, dinner at a friendâs house. We took a bottle of wine for husband and sparkling lemonade for me. It was actually really easy not to drink which really surprised me. I wonder if this is what other people always felt like when they offered to drive? I could never understand that position before, would have preferred to spend a fortune on a taxi or stay home. And then I remember me in my teens driving friends to nightclubs or the pub, the music and social side was enough for me then!
I also discovered a new herbal tea while there so may have to do a shop for healthy drinks later! I went to the local shop before going to buy my lemonade and it felt so strange bypassing the wine section for the non alcohol section. Donât think I have ever been in there before 
@Mno beautiful picture again 
@Butterflymoonwoman that sounds so hard. I know what you mean about the anger and it being a secondary emotion, I am really bad at feeling angry and never quite understanding why. I sometimes have dreams that I am raging at people for no obvious reason, like I am acting something out. I think you did really well to process it and not act on your cravings
Have a great Sunday everyone!
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