Day 1205 AF, 2 days no sweeteners 
I am tired in a good way. Started the online yoga teacher training and I was feeling resentments, anxiety. I was to observe. So I did. Observation. I slowly accept the different method and try to follow.
Takes my worries form the situation in Europe.
I am grateful to be sober. I am grateful my decision to leave here is still firm. No stress about that, though, which is even better.
I see your progress Mike. Youāve come a long way friend. I think we can see it so much better here, even if weāre no pros. We see where you came from. We see where you are now. The difference is HUGE. Love.
Huge, HUGE hugs š« Reallyā¦ just a super huge long hug is being sent to u right now from all the way in Calgary.
Checking in on Monday afternoon. Iām sober.
Sending love to you Carolyn, Iām sorry you have had trauma. I appreciate your wisdom and caring here. Wishing you freedom 
Going out on a hot date tonight with my husband. We are kind of celebrating the arbitrarily placed day of manditory love and affection, but also the upcoming and most epic 222 day ever. 
Tomorrow will be 2/22/2022. ( @apes2020 ). But, of course, weāre busy tomorrow, so we celebrate when we choose to celebrate.
Iām sure to spend several hours getting ready because I love myself deeply and Iām vain as fuck, and I freely admit it.
As a child and teenager, I was the āugly, poor, overweightā kid in the class. I lost weight over the years, but that didnāt change my views of myself. I had to change my subconscious views and opinions of myself before I could accept peopleās compliments about my appearence. Even when I dressed up, I thought I looked terrible. I didnāt fit the worldās standards and I felt that horrible pain to the very core of my being. Whatās worse is that when I tried to dress up, people would tell me that I ādidnāt have toā dress up to be prettyāwhich, of course, I knew, but I felt ashamed for even trying.
Today Iām not obsessed with my weight and I donāt hide myself in the baggiest clothes I can find. Even when I look like a bum, I feel okay about myself. But when I take the time to make myself up, I really take the time and enjoy it. Itās time I spend with myself, on myself. It isnāt necessary for my self-esteem, but I also enjoy the result without apology. Of course, I do have my moments where I feel those old self conscious feelings crop up, but nothing is perfect.
So, yesā¦ I have walked into a door while looking at myself in a mirror. But thatās because I canāt believe thatās actually me and I love who I see. I think, in a way, when we truly love and accept ourselves, it brings something out within us that others can see/feel, and it has itās own kind of beauty.
I think in a way, my climb out of addiction forced me to handle some of these issues. Itās funny how life works and how all things are actually connected in some way or another. So, I woke up clean this morning and I expect to go to bed the same way. Working with today is always my ultimate goal. Yesterday is gone, and tomorrow isnāt here yet, so today is everything.
Wishing everyone a victorious and happy today.
@Charlie_C Sounds good. Do you have any experience when it comes with walls in shared units? Iām curious if they would have insulation like an outside wall because it is separating two separate homes. Iām guessing it probably isnāt so, but was curious.
@SoberWalker Oh god, are you kidding? 
I can understand the desire to not share a date with an extremely close member of the family, if theyāre against it; like, perhaps, a parent or a sibling. Although, normally one tends to avoid those dates in general, I think. Humans are such strange creatures at timesā¦ My brother-in-law just eloped in Costa Rica then shared it on his socials. His mother is particularly upset, but itās the manās third marriage and he just didnāt want the fanfare and possible drama. We live and learn, I guess. I hope this gets smoothed out without some type of emotional psychodrama spectacle.
@anon53116147 It can definitely be disappointing when you donāt get feedback on something youāre really proud of. That type of thing used to really stab me in the heart and weigh heavily on me. It took years of digging deep to figure out where that desire for the recognition came from. Sometimes, I thought Iād found the answer, then realized later it was actually even deeper than I realized. The truth is that you really do need that feedback. For whatever deep reason that resides in your subconscious. Until itās found and resolved, youāll always want and need it. And thatās nothing to be ashamed of. It simply IS. So on that note, Iām really sorry you didnāt get the recognition youād hoped for, but Iām glad that youāre still moving forward. Every step matters, and I think youāre doing great.
@anon74766472 Are you letting go of any and all sweeteners like sugar and fake sugar alike? Are you eating fruit? Iām sure you mentioned your goal somewhere, but I apparently missed it.
No, itās mostly sweeteners like acesulfam, aspartame, cyclamate things. Still using bot of erythrit but this is f*** expensive. I eat fruits, not loads though. I have to keep an eye on the carbs due to diabetes.
Ah! Okay, that makes sense. Good for you. Some of that stuff is just horrible for the body (said as I finish the last of a āsugar freeā caffeine drink 
). Good luck!
Hello guys. Just checking in day 28.
Have a nice day
Checking in sober 7 5/32 M AF
Had a drinking dream last night. Caught me by surprise. Donāt need that garbage running my life anymore!
Hope your day is joyous today!
Almost to 30! Keep up the good work bro!
I understand that.
Checking in at the end of day 255. Bedtime, but kinda jetlagged. Probably should put away the phone and try to sleep. Today went pretty well. Iāve identified three potential troubles with the work trip. 1. good old-fashioned craving. There are drinks around in the evenings, and I could imagine feeling that familiar, nostalgic tug. 2. An invitation to drink. 3. Feelings of inadequacy that initiate that old drive toward oblivion seeking.
My rough plan for 1 and 2 is to avoid evening gatherings as much as possible, which is not always the best choice career-wise, but I have found some nondrinkers here, and plan to stick with them during these times. For 3, well, I am doing my best to remain positive, continue checking in here, and maybe attending an online meeting when possible.
Anyway, sorry for rambling. I think laying all out here helps keep me accountable, so thanks for letting me blab. Have a good night / day wherever you are!
Thank youš„° I plan to eat a full lunch soon
So far Iām okay today. Going to eat a full lunch soon. I finally took a much needed shower. showers always remind me how gross I feel (due to SA and anorexia). They also exhaust me because of my poor health.
Have to catch up on some school tomorrow. Iāll update if anything changes today. Iām so proud of all of you.
Checking In
Day 7
Hope u all are having a decent Monday. Iām slowly getting things done around here. Just needing distraction today. Feeling very distant today also. Maybe I will try to enjoy a creative activity of some sort. Probably gonna get off social media for awhile too. Iām needing something but not sure what yet. Im okay 
Iāll check back on here later 
Day 1211
Going through letters and paperwork from my incarceration, I found a little inspirational that my wife sent me.
Iām betting a few of you can also relate to this.
Stay free, stay honest and above all stay sober.
Love ya.
Thanks so much for your insight and wise words. Iām just trying to work through it all. Iāll get there. @Mno 
I feel hugged. Thank you, Dana. Much love to you. @Butterflymoonwoman 
Youāre so very kind, Owen. I sincerely appreciate you. @Nowenbrace
Thank you for understanding. It makes me feel not so alone. @Its_me_Stella 
Thank you to you and everyone else in this community for the love and support.
Especially the words you shared with me the other day when I couldnāt help but keep thinking about giving up. Depression can be a real motherfucker.
Iāve spent alot of my recovery time here and its helped such a great deal.
I said it before and Iāll say it again.
You guys fucking rock.
Day 154.
Today has been a slow and cozy day indoors, not really struggling much with depression today. Just doing a few virtual meetings and arts n crafts stuff with the kid. Might go to the mall later with her depending on how cold it is.(as well as her mood)
But overall a very simple and laid back day.
I am thankful that it has not been very difficult to breathe. I am also thankful for this community.
Just watched films tonight. Couldnāt focus on studying, shit day in lab, thatās okay. Had a long drive yesterday night through a storm after seeing my grandad and Nan. Feeling tired from the weekend away. Not sure about going in to uni tomorrowā¦ I have an issue with a full week at uni when itās half-term for my kidsā¦gotta get over this cos I donāt want it to manifest. Self confidence issue, feeling different issue, issue with the uni throwing a workload on. Issue with 23 weeks is a university year and costs 9000+, and issue with the way they have organised their lectures and labs on the student site which is totally unorganized. 
ā¦ Grant me serenity to let this shit go. !..(on a 24hr USA na meeting now)ā¦ please universe help my stubborn idiotic shit.
