Im sorry to hear what you went through as a child, I too have been through this as a child.
Childhood trauma definitely can effect our adult selves and no, not everyone understands it. In my experience, sometimes not even people who have had similar or even the same experience completely understand.
I guess the way we all deal with it and cope is ultimately different too seeing as every situation and individual is unique.
I was a quiet kid, the trauma just made me even more quiet and to myself. It wasnāt until i started abusing alcohol and substances a few years later that I felt like I could come out of my shell. But in my adult life, I also find myself to be a bit weird. Definitely overprotective over my daughter.
You are not alone. Good to hear you have been doing well in your sobriety
Thank you. I agree with everything youāve said, and I appreciate your understanding.
Until the kids got older and told me I hadnāt been, I always thought I was overbearing with my protective nature. Thereās definitely a fine balance between being hyper vigilant and still allowing them the freedoms that come with their advancing ages. I remember being frightened for them every time they went places without me. But I also knew that I had taught them to protect themselves and always get away and call me or another trusted adult if they felt unsafe in any situation. I held on tightly to that until they were back home. So I absolutely understand being overprotective. Thank you for sharing.
Checking In Day 7
Feeling a bit better. I am really trying to just be aware of where Iām at and just be gentle with myself today. Iām feeling alot of things today and the majority of the feelings are not pleasant ones, but Iām slowly working on getting thru it. Thankfully I will not use over these feelings. Iām also trying to be aware of how I treat my hubby. Cuz this is absolutely not his fault for why I feel like this. He is going to make supper tonight which is nice. Iām looking forward to it
@paper_boats congrats on 5 months @Kacialyn congrats on 3 weeks sorry for the difficult feelings youāre having, sending strength @Butterflymoonwoman@Dohertymk congrats both on your week @SoberWalker Iām sorry I hope the conversation goes well. Regardless, you are doing whatās right for you and your relationship, and I hope people will come around and be happy for you @ShadowFax congrats on 2 weeks smoke-free @Bassanova congrats on 2 months @ShesGotMoxie I relate to this a lot, thatās also the same age I was when it first happened to me, it does change you, and for me so far, it never leaves. Iām about half-way through a 2-3 year waiting list for therapy specifically for CSA. Love and solidarity
560 days no alcohol.
25 days no cocaine.
2 days no binge-eating.
Pleased to be able to say Iāve had a really pleasant day today.
I woke up feeling good. I took full advantage of this and made 3 important phonecalls. I was assertive and felt confident. All 3 issues should now be resolved.
The sun has been shining and although I love how good I feel when it is, I do worry about how low I have been getting when it isnāt. Living in the UK this is definitely far from ideal, though Iām comforted we are coming up on longer and brighter days in the foreseeable future, so Iām holding on to that.
I am looking forward to the CA meeting tomorrow night, there is a āgroup conscienceā beforehand and I have no idea what that is, so I may just arrive at my usual time for the meeting itself.
Evening Checkin Day 7
Just relaxing this evening. Ate supper and took care of a few things. Grateful to be ending this day clean. And boyā¦ today I realized how obsurd my thinking can get. Probably 6x today I had to evaluate whether what I was thinking was rational or not. Like me making up scenarios in my head, where I had no proof of those things even happening. For ex: hubby went shopping. In my mind Iām thinking he lied to me and went to a friendās place to use. Or likeā¦ me believing for sure that heād ask me to use when he got home. I realized shortly after thinking these things that they were based off no real facts at all and that I was literally making things up in my head. He came home with Jordan shoes (thatās what he went for), 2 new cute Dalmation Fish and cleaning stuff for the tank. He has not asked once if it would be ok to make a call. Thank God I didnāt say anything to him and accuse him of using while out. That wouldāve been a recipe for disaster and ruin both our days. Grateful for the awareness I have today and I only have that bcuz Iām clean and can think with a clear head.
Thanks I appreciate the love. Honestly I know where a lot of it stems from. Not to say I didnāt have a good childhood . But I literally remember my gram, and aunts sitting my cousin side by side when we were younger and doing math, or spelling or flash sheets and having us compete against each other and Iād never get any of it right bc and they would all just be saying really mike you donāt know that, you donāt get it? And praising my cousin on how good she was. My parents never coming to any of my foot ball games or baseball games, never hearing good job for anything pretty much I ever did in life. Anytime I said i wanted to be something a pro motocross racer, or skateboarder my dad always telling me really mike you think your gonna be able to do that? Try for something a little more likely to happen. So yeah idk i feel thatās a good part of the reason maybe Iām wrong idk.
Coffee after another bad night. I donāt know why my sleep is failing. I will make it through this work day but damned I feel like sh*t. At least Iām sober and clean.
Thanks for that Mike. Me this morning. Little signs right? Pic is from the top of Steens Mountain OR. Love.
Checking in on the morning of day 10. Still sober!
I reached a milestone!
Iām very happy about it. But I know hard days are coming. Iām tryin to redirect my mind to think more on a ātake it day by dayā basis. Getting closer to that little by little.
Adequate, confident, empowered, strong, healthy, excited.
Have lost just over 10kgs in just over a month. Eating well, exercising, meditating, reading alot to better understand addictions etcā¦
Peace and strength you all
Hi Caroline so sorry for what you been through, and to open up about it here, no child should experience trauma but they do sadly and it ruins life, riselence should not be needed at a young age you are fighting and you should be so proud, deep thinking is not weird its a strength to dip deep for answers. I had some trauma with alcoholic, abusive parents and yes I feel different, you lose a lot of light heartness as we lose ability to trust or take situations as they are. You are doing amazing with your days, your a fighter, keep going and a virtual hug to you
Re one of the Housing jobs I applied for, received an email inviting me for an assessment day/interview this Thursday! Yikesā¦ only thing is max number of people are off at my job, so trying to wrangle a day offā¦ very short notice though, I have responded I may have difficulty but will confirm today. What will be will beā¦
@icebear doing well there with your plans to deal with the work trip, tough but you can do this
Way to go @CATMANCAM well done with those phonecalls, have a good meeting
Congratulations on double digits @Jonachav123
I hope the conversation goes well. Regardless, you are doing whatās right for you and your relationship, and I hope people will come around and be happy for you 
