Checking in daily to maintain focus #39

SadMemeQueen · February 22, 2022, 8:57pm

Heading to the library to catch up on school. Feeling okay today.

Just a quick update before bed. I didn’t get anything done for school unfortunately. Math is really not my strong suit and I haven’t been sleeping enough to even begin to wrap my head around it. I have 2 weeks to work on it though. Still feeling okay. Going to head to bed soon

Deadman · February 22, 2022, 9:16pm

Hey Math Club Members this happened today…look at my artsy background…also, fought urge to wait for the 5 & 6…and won…lol

Be well Sober Peeps,

anon53116147 · February 22, 2022, 9:30pm

Nice congrats. Definitely love that back ground

Thirdmonkey · February 22, 2022, 9:31pm

…1432. Strange how life works. Ms. Monkey has been stuck in the house almost entirely for a week and a day. A small trip to get groceries is it. She has COVID. She is in good shape, seems to be asymptomatic.

Butterflymoonwoman · February 22, 2022, 9:49pm

Checking in
Day 8
Been a crazy busy day. I am just sitting down and taking a break. Thot id check in and then do my morning ritual (at 240pm lol). Have thots of using for whatever reason. It’s been a good productive day but maybe the urges are from not doing my morning routine. So I’ll do it right after this. Took care of some much needed phone calls and emails and signing forms for things etc. And then I went thru all my dreamcatcher stuff and I started planning that dreamcatcher for my hubbys coworker. I might even make alittle business out of this again. I don’t think the need is necessarily there compared to the cakes I bake. But my heart is being drawn back to creating beautiful dreamcatchers again. Now for some dishes and tidying up and think of something for supper

Dohertymk · February 22, 2022, 9:51pm

Those are beautiful

Hazy · February 22, 2022, 10:31pm

Hey , you’re doing great, every day clean is a miracle,… Sometimes to feel shit is okay, it’s time to just stay in pyjamas, give yourself some TLC, sleep if you feel to, you can get through uncomfortable days to the other side, I believe in you … take it Easy, one day at a time

Misokatsu · February 22, 2022, 11:14pm

@Bomdhil Keep fighting, but you gotta try something new. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Glib but true.

Sounds bloody obvious but absolutely true. And as we are all flawed people, we become flawed parents.
Reminds me of the Phillip Larkin poem

"They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself."

I went out and bred though.

@moonchild7994 Congratulations on two years!

@Butterflymoonwoman Yeah, I also had to parent my mother. Was her confidente about her poor relationship with my stepdad (twist - probable biological father) and covered up her affair. I was the awkward but “good” kid (too terrified to stick a toe out of line). I cannot explain the guilt that my kids also had to parent and worry about me when I was drinking. At least they are not scared of me. They talk back too much for that.

@Deadman Nice catch! I wouldn’t be able to resist trying for the .56 too.

Becsta · February 22, 2022, 11:38pm

Wednesday morning check in

@AyBee we went from sober twins to sober triplets with @Mno coming in soon and now we are also sober quadruplets with @ALC227

Dazercat · February 22, 2022, 11:51pm

Congratulations on your 10 months Megan.
Good for you.

Butterflymoonwoman · February 22, 2022, 11:58pm

Checking in
Day 8
Wow! Do I feel ever good right now! What started as just a basic cleaning of dishes and wiping stuff down… turned into a full-on cleaning session while listening to a beautiful “Aham Prama (I am love)” mantra based song. It almost felt like I was cleaning the “garbage” and “grime” from my past away while I cleaned. Beautiful experience! While doing chores at that! My cleaning was sooo intentional and mindful and focused. It was oddly beautiful I then started connecting to God, giving thanks for my blessings and then surrendering everything in my life, admitting my powerless to drugs, to all situations and other human beings. The urge to use is gone right now. Not even a fear in my mind about it.
I don’t know what kind of person I’m turning into I’m not saying it’s a bad thing at all! I like this improved woman that I’m becoming. It’s very different from the woman I used to be. Sometimes i want to really surrender to things and admit powerlessness. Going down on my knees to pray is a huge symbol of this surrender. Admitting that I’m not in control and that I don’t want to be. BUT… praying on my knees is a very vulnerable and uncomfortable thing for me to do. Today I wanted to do that bcuz I felt inclined to, but something was stopping me. I ignored it and I went down on my knees to pray and give thanks. And it was sooo freeing. I cant even describe it. I really have to push myself to do that when I feel the need to. It’s change