Holy milestone city!!!
CONGRATS EVERYONE ON YOUR DAYS!
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I ended up going with the fk irons Spectra flux. It just has amazing reviews in colour, black and grey and lining. Itās really cool you can hook it up to a app and hover power, and bunch of other stuff. I really wanted the Valhalla but, you itās not wireless you need to hook up to a amp and have a cord hanging and constantly have to reach over to shut the machine on and off. You can order battery packs for it but alot of reviews day the battery creates unbalance and alot of pain in the hand after a long day of use. The flux was way over priced but idc this is seriously all I think about every day itās my passion so it will be worth it, may 21 will be one whole year of tattooing, but alot of that I was doing drugs, I feel this last 5 months of sobriety has been my best tattooing experience so far. Sorry for this long ramble 
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Stay focused my friend. Donāt let that demon win! Itās natural to feel worried and overwhelmed, but trust that it will work out. If u drink things all go downhillā¦ real fast. This great opportunity thats in front u could disappear. Dont give ur addiction that satisfaction hugs
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Sending you light and love 
Iāve been holding on to all the joy I can these days. 
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Day 8 AF 
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Great job lady!!! Proud of you! Keep going 
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Thank you
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Absolutely totally worth it!! Itās your passion and something you want to become your livelihood so worth every penny I say! How exciting 
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Glad you are here with us, you deserve to live a happy and healthy life. Donāt listen to the bullshit your head tells you. Keep checking in here as much as you need to, we can help you get back on your feet. Weāre stronger together.
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Super exciting 
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Checking in. Gonna be real for a moment.
Every now and then, someone says āRelapse is a part of recoveryā and sometimes it gets stuck in my head (like now). I am thinking, I have been sober for over 3 and a half years, is it time for a relapse? I mean, many people say itās part of the journey, right? Maybe I canāt truly recover until I have a relapse.
Iām going to Vegas next week and will by in large be by myself, I could probably get away with it, if I wanted. I donāt want to though, and I wonāt. But Iāve been in a dark place mentally for a few weeks and having this thought in my head is kind of fucking up my vibe.
Anyhow, Iāve reached out to some sober friends, Iāve played the tape through and meditated on it. Iām pulling out the tool box and using them. Iāll not likely relapse, this time.
I know we want to make people feel better about their actions, but relapse is NOT a part of recovery, itās a part of addiction; big difference.
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I struggle with this statement to be honest. But I lean more towards believing that relapse is not apart of recovery. And the reason why I say this is bcuz when I have been told that relapse IS apart of recovery, I dont find it helpful. To say that substance use is a part of the process of recovery, for me, created a dangerous cycle of me excusing my behavior of using drugs during my recovery. And even tho it is common to relpase, I donāt find it to necessarily be apart of recovery. For me anyway, relapse happens when I am not doing something that helps me to continue on with recovery. If that makes any sense. If im doing what i need to do to stay clean, relapse doesnt occur. Thoughts of relapse are a warning sign for me that something isnt right with my recovery. Its a sign for me to do something so that i dont follow thru on the actual act of relapse. Iām glad ur sharing ur thoughts tho and Iām glad ur working thru these thoughts 
wishing u only the best for ur trip
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Congratulations Carolyn !!
Happy 200 ! 
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Itās silly really. 
But youāre right, itās an excuse!
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@HoofHearted I was in exact same headspace last week (I am coming up on 3yrs). Without the tools, knowledge and some sober time behind me, was I am to use sense and reach out. I really struggled to keep the nosie out of my head - (even playing the tape through), but this community helped me. Relapse/1 drink/5 drinks is not an option. You got this!!
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Itās just remarkable really how our minds can literally twist and turn anything to almost justify our using/drinking. When I think back to some of the reasons or thoughts surrounding why I would relapse, it was silly lol but our minds are powerful. Probably even more powerful than we think!
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Congratulations Dana! 
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I know this has been debated to death.
And youāre right, itās part of the addiction.
Further more.
Premeditated relapse is just choosing to ignore your own strength and submit.
@Butterflymoonwoman
I glad youāre talking about it. Itās important to talk about it.
Thanks for sharing that. Hoof.
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Day 55 AF
3pm Tuesday and Iām in bed. Been pushing myself hard with work, exercising and home duties recently and feeling a little overwhelmed and extremely tired. Being a sole parent to a 17yo with mental health concerns is really tricky and difficult most of the time. Hope everyone is doing ok
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