Yes. Dana 15 days!
Like you it’s hard for me to relax as well. Always feel like I need to be doing something.
Dreamcatcher making sounds nice.
Also reminder to check out the Yoga thread for March. It’s a short Vinyasa class then you can do your meditation?
Midday checkin
Day15
Day has been decent. But I did have 1 issue with a cab driver that came to pick me up from the appt I had. I refused to get into the cab due to safety issues of the vehicle (it was obviously unsafe to drive… the driver even told me when he pulled up what was wrong with it) and also bcuz he was being very disrespectful 
When I refused to get into the cab, he called me selfish for not accepting the ride bcuz he had to drive a long way to get to me. I of course said my 2 cents bcuz I’m not only looking out for my safety but others as well. He glared at me and then sped off. So I called for another cab and explained my situation. Called 311 which is to report a complaint. And then called the management of that specific cab company and explained what happened. The driver was taken off duty due to an unsafe vehicle. He will have to get the cab fixed and repaired and in working order before being able to accept rides. The manager was very helpful and acted quickly. I don’t like to cause problems for people but honestly what if something happened while driving that caused an injury or death. It’s HIS responsibility to maintain his vehicle.
Anyway, I ate and now going to relax working on my dreamcatcher 
As well as do a meditation 
Feeling proud of myself for standing my ground and using my voice to make a change!
@Lotusflower Sending strength. Keeping track of kids’ random events is a full-time job.
@ShadowFax Congratulations on 60.
@anon9289869 Well done!
Congratulations on your 90 days Roland.
Nice screen 
Ain’t that the truth though 
It’s insane to think that in a little over a month I’ll be a year clean. I’m doing ok today. Ended up falling asleep last night before I started to feel bad. Nothing of note today. Will update if anything changes. Much love
Day 8… it was a good day.
congratulations 
oh this is good
Day 6 you big mother trucker. Your doing great mate
Day 106
Yesterday was very heavy and burdensome for me.
I was keenly aware of every movement and sound around me, untrusting of everything and everyone. This brought me back to different occasions in my memory roladex which I could compare … When unspeakable acts were committed against me and I was on a mission to remain calm and alive.
So … yesterday I can not pinpoint what exactly happened and why I was experiencing such things.
I turned off my phone, blocked many people from social media and phone who most likely do not and would not have my safety or life in their best interest and even went as far as questioning my own best friend. (Hands down this man has my back through and through)
I had a good house meeting with my fellow gals and tucked away to sleep.
Then a knock on my window came around mid-night…
Non other than my bestie making sure I was safe, the house of girls was safe and making sure my mental health and emotional state was in check.
I am so blessed. For real!!!
This man knows the dark depths of the street life yet he was kind and gentle enough to boldy come to my recovery house and knock on my window to make sure I was good.
That’s something…
My own dad wouldn’t do that for me… But this BFF did.
Hallelujah!
In those moments while chatting with my bff out front of my home in his car I was able to release alot of my fears and memories that I had not spoken about nor even remembered for over 4 years.
I’ve been violated on so many levels and yet that didn’t even stop me from diving into the underworld at a harder, faster and unrelenting pace. And what’s so sad about this truth of mine is that I never needed to go there.
My parents are still happily in love and married. I’m college educated, no childhood trauma or stuff and we never hurt financially and so forth. I was just an idiot, bored and maybe spoiled brat. Well… I didn’t have any spiritual backing. Perhaps this was the hole in my core… Missing my purpose and value was … Is the fact that I’m a spiritual creation.
One woman I know puts it this way… WE ARE CELESTIAL BEINGS WRAPPED IN A MEAT SUIT.
LOL!
SO… After being so wonderfully surprised by having a friend GO Hard for me as I go hard for others…
I slept well and woke up feeling pretty fricken fabulous.!
It’s sunny here in Colorado and do you know that we rolled around with the music loud and our skin showing. Feeling pretty good today.
Amen.
God bless y’all.
Hey 
ur doing great! What do u have planned for tonight that can help u stay on track? The 3rd day used to be my relapse day but it truly does get easier. U just gotta get over that hump and show urself that u can get passed it
It sure is. Thanks my friend
Good for you!! I’ve heard many say that quitting smoking was more difficult than quitting drinking. I personally did not find that to be the case. I just think that anything we cling to for “comfort” is difficult to do without.
Keep up the great work!!
Checking in
Day15
Tonight I’ve been cranky, irritable, & resentful. Honestly it feels like im burning out. Just overwhelmed and sooo badly needing quiet time and time to myself. I usually only get that opportunity around 10pm everynight when I have a shower. And quite frankly, sometimes I just go in the shower to drown out noise and drown out my thoughts. That’s the best way for me to be mindful and in the moment before bed so I don’t try going to sleep all irritable and upset.
I’ve really been trying to do the next right things these 15 days and keep on top of my distorted thinking, managing my emotions in a healthy way, turning my will over to my HP, being kind and loving towards all… and honestly it’s alot of work! Someday I wish I could just be okay with being cranky and rude and not giving a crap about anything. But that’s the “old me”. And as much as sometimes I think it would be easier just to not give a F… its just not true. It’s harder to be that way and I really don’t want to leave a trail of garbage and destruction behind me. I’m no longer that crazy, messed up, spinning, destructive tornado that I used to be (well I try my hardest not to be anyway). I’m keeping my faith up knowing that it will hopefully get easier and get more 2nd nature to be a kinder, more level headed person 
Welp. I’m gonna have to hit bed soon. I should’ve been in bed at 8. Tomorrow is new job day. I’m not tired now and I’ll probably be awake all night. Gotta set both alarms. Afraid if I take the Seroquel I’ll sleep too long. And I got a chest x-ray because they heard a heart murmur when I went to have my blood drawn. Turned out to be a “nodule”, possibly “calcified”. So I’ll be thinking about that too. Anyway, I’m gonna make myself eat and crawl into bed. I’ll let you know how work goes.
I’m feeling better now. Ate my dinner earlier and my craving has subsided. I find that really helps… But it helps more to know I can check in here and get support. Thank you♥️
Ur welcome! I find it helpful too. Often times when I’m craving its bcuz Im needing something and I’m not noticing it. Like being hungry or tired or needing quiet time or self care etc. Once I stop to notice what I need and take care of it… the craving subsides too proud of u!
