I am sorry you have had a stressful day, I know that would be a massive trigger for me. Well done for coming here. Just try and keep in your mind that staying sober actually helps, everything else will make it worse. It may temporarily mask the problem, but it just delays/exacerbates it. It really sucks but sitting with your feelings sober is the best way of dealing with it now and moving on. Keep talking here if helpful.
4 Likes
Ooh that sounds like a lot going on and oh my gosh you didnāt take an extra pill through all that yay for you!!!
1 Like
Checking in
Day17
Day is getting better 
things have really slowed down here. Got a few things taken care of so far. And then Iām finally going to do my morning routine 
(at 245pm). But thatās ok. Iām tired but will make sure to schedule in time for myself. Thays literally the only way I get time for me someday is if I schedule it in lol
How is everyone else doing? Hope u all are okay 
17 Likes
So glad youāre feeling better and I hope you got a chance to eat something too!
1 Like
Iām sorry I have not checked in the last couple of days but I have been sober !
6 Likes
Congratulations Callie! I didnāt see this soonerā¦ well done on your 5 months! 
1 Like
I wish Iād be able to get out of bed at 6:00 am full of energy and with a big smile on my faceā¦ I have 2 alarms; my alarm clock and my mobile. I overuse the snooze option on both! 
2 Likes
1000
No coffee as I write this one at night for a change. I canāt wait for the morning, have to post now, Iām so proud of myself. This is one of the really big ones for me. First I made it to 1 day, then to 10, to 100, and now 1,000. 10,000? Thatās more then 24 years away. Who knows? But Iām here now! 1,000 One days at a time.
I know itās one day at a time and all that matters is today. We have to make the days count instead of counting the days. A thousand days today can easily be zero days tomorrow. All true. Still. For me saying out loud that Iām proud of myself, saying this is something really great that I achieved, thatās really big for me. I couldnāt do that before. Never ever.
I do all this for the boy pictured below. That boy is me. I lost myself right around the time that picture was taken. I couldnāt handle what was happening with me, to me, inside of me. I grew isolated and lonely. I was lost and it took me 45 years to find myself back.
Within a year or two after that picture, I discovered drugs and booze. They gave me an escape from the constant pain and confusion I felt. Another year later sex gave me an added escape. Anything to numb and escape my feelings. It worked for a while. Fifteen years at the most.
After that, drinking and using still made me not feel my true feelings. But instead of numbness a knot of anxiety and terror started growing in my stomach. A knot that got so big through the years that I was totally consumed by it. It was all I could feel. I wasnāt able to discern my own true feelings or the feelings of others. The anxiety and terror inside me got so overwhelming I started seriously thinking about suicide.
Iām not really sure what made me decide to quit, other than that I knew that the road I was on would lead to my untimely death. I had no idea what my live without substances would look like. I just jumped in and gave it a go. I knew from quitting smoking some years prior that I needed my peers to succeed. I found this place. The rest is history right.
Well, it isnāt quite that easy. Recovery is a verb. I tried AA. Really not my scene. I tried NA and got about halfway through doing 90 meetings in 90 days. A couple of groups were really nice and more my scene but the 12 steps and the basic philosophy just isnāt me. Iām also a bit of a loner, or better said I grew into a loner through my boyhood experiences and consequent decades of using. I never felt at ease in groups.
What worked for me was this place. Easier to keep a bit of distance, which was good for me feeling safe, but at the same time itās a huge reservoir of true humans, of true human contact. People with comparable stories and experiences to mine. This place saved me. You all saved me. Some of you have become very close. You are all my friends. Every last one of you. Forever in all your debt.
But not just this place has done it for me. Being sober and clean has given me the possibility to finally go into therapy and take something away from it too. To finally learn and grow a bit. Weāre nearing the end of our 60 session group therapy and I am beginning to see the progress I made.
The knot in my stomach is still there at times, but it has shrunk considerably. I can actually feel feelings, true feelings, happy feelings and sad feelings, without the knot keeping me from feeling them. As a consequence I can also see feelings of other people, begin to understand some of their motivations. To truly empathize. I never could do that. I can also see the boy right here below, the eleven year old me, I can finally see and hear him, see the real me. I can feel my pain and confusion but also my will to live, my strength, my grit, the love I have to give.
Sobriety has given me all that and much more. And thereās much more to come I am sure just as long as I keep working it one day at a time. I have given myself sobriety. And Iām goddamned proud of that. And I am absolutely sure you can all have it, just as long as you really truly want it and you work your asses off to get it. Nothing good comes for free but itās goddamned worth it I tell you! Weāre in this together.
No excuses for the long post. Thanks for reading. Hereās to the next 9,000. Love.
51 Likes
I am now actually I got some things sorted out and I am finally eating going to do a few things for me now Hope ur doing well too girl!
2 Likes
So much love for you, mi amigo! Congratulations. Iām so proud of you and so grateful to truly call you friend.
6 Likes
Amazing, massive congratulations. Such an inspiring post 
5 Likes
Omg Mennoā¦ idk what to say about ur post. I know we donāt chat often on here or anything but I always love ur posts! And this one by far is one of my favorites! I love that u added a picture of ur younger self in ur post too. U have SO much to be proud of. I AM so, SO proud of you! It just really sounds like ur giving urself what u needed all along. You are a true inspiration to others of what working your recovery does! Thank you for sharing your experience and hope and strength with all of us!
Way to go my friend on 1000 Whole Days!!!
6 Likes
Scary stuff! But you found out in time, and with the money u save from being clean u will be better able to pay. Glad u are focusing on the problem in hand, not thinking about using.
4 Likes
Congratulations, so proud of you! Thank you for your presence both here on the forum and in my life.
6 Likes
To you and your thousand days, Menno, to your sobriety. To regaining so much of what had been taken from you, for all the reasons. Youāve worked hard to get through all this, learning so much,
finding the understanding, comfort and peace that you have. Thank you for sharing your journey. You are an inspiration! Hereās also to your continued journey. May it give you happiness.
14 Likes
Wonderful share. Heartfelt congratulations on your 1000 days. I am glad ts helps you, u certainly help ts, and are a wonderful support to many. 
5 Likes
Iām so proud of you @Mno
Thank you for sharing your journey with us! Your contributions here have gotten me through many a tough day 
5 Likes
@Cherry_Kisses Congratulations!
@MrCade Thanks for reminding me of all the things I take for granted that I should be grateful for.
6 Likes
This is brilliant. Congrats on your big ol 1000 days!! I agree AA hasnāt really been for me for the same reasons but luckily I found this place, and honestly, reading your posts and having your encouragement and presence over the years has been such a blessing not only to me but to everyone here. Itās been amazing watching you grow over the last 1000 Days, thank you for sharing with us!!
I hope to continue reading your journey for the next 9000+ Days! Way to go friend!!
And OMG what a great picture!! 
9 Likes
