I’m going to start counting again. Once numbers get big they scare me, but I think it’s important to see the numbers grow whole I learn to forgive myself for this relapse.
Day 2
I’m just doing what I can to remind myself that my reloade is not the end of all progress. I want to give up and just let myself go. But I can’t do that. I’ve already fallen so far and I can’t let mysekf fall farther. I’m ok other than the regret I’m feeling. I’ve already decided that I will stay home Saturday as my family is the last thing I need to be around right now.
Congratulations on your 1000 days menno. Thank you for your beautiful share and being here and always giving awesome support. I loved the way you described how life is now, it is beautiful. The way you described it reminded me off the movie the giver in a way. Everyone doesn’t feel or have memory and they are assigned certain jobs to keep things smooth but there is one boy who feels and sees everything for what it truly is. I related this movie to alot like addiction because all the others who are still stuck in active addiction life don’t see or feel life for the way it is. And when we get sober we are much like that boy and we feel and see everything and sometimes it can feel so painful and so beautiful at the same time, but at the end of the movie the boy slides down this hill and breaks the chain so everyone can see what it’s like to feel and see again and that’s what we do for each other when we’re sober we help each other see how beautiful it really is. Much love
@SadMemeQueen I don’t count cause I get too obsessed with it, I want to live my life and enjoy it, and have no thoughts about drinking and drugging or the last time I did. I’m here for the now, tomorrow may not come.
So It’s been a mixed few days cause we all know I’m real shitty at checking in, but Things have been good I moved shifts so I don’t have to get up so early which is nice, and on my work laptop I have a MXR sticker, (guitar pedal brand) and it was almost like a flag, one of the other TLs apparently is trying to form a music project to write original material and such, another dude is a drummer and wants to link me up with some local guys for work. Plus three hits on my musician services profile to explore.
Made some new friends as of late so that’s cool,
The bad, my kids mom was diagnosed with Lupus, most of you know I have a pretty tumultuous relationship with her but it has gotten better over the last few months, what’s fucking with me tho is Im pretty apathetic towards her diagnosis, and I don’t know how to feel about that, like I get it’s beyond my control an autoimmune disorder, but it’s like I don’t feel bad or anything I’m just accepting it and hoping that her doctors figure it out for her, I know she’s struggling to accept the diagnosis, and the physical traits that come with it, but It’s out of my hands I guess.
My importance right now is where my journey is gonna take me, I made a promise to my kids before any more road trips it’s a few days ti spend with them first. So I’m paying off bills and getting a weekend off to see them, then all my fun road trips can begin
I got very obsessed once the numbers started growing. I felt so much pressure to stay clean that the anxiety the number was causing just left me wanting to break it so I didn’t feel the pressure. I went from 314 days to nothing, so I’m judt counting for now to remind myself that I can get back up there. Once I start feeling they pressure again, definitely not going to be counting
Everyone is so different. It’s good to find out what works best for us individually. At the moment I’m in the early stages, and the only thing helping is looking at my sober time knowing I can make it to day five and not having to have to reset and start all over trying to get to day one.
That was beautiful Meno. I love you man. What a great share. I’m so goddamned proud of you my friend. You bring tears to my eyes.
Congratulations on your 1000 days. See you in 24 years of ODAATs. In our walkers You’ve been an awesome leader on here for some many of us. I’m so grateful for all you’ve done for me.
There you are Menno, you gave me a good read this morning. You have grown so much and I’m glad to have seen it trough your daily check in on this tread. Thank you for sharing your path
And thank you for being here Menno, congratulations with the days
You’ve been an awesome leader on here for some many of us. I’m so grateful for all you’ve done for me.
that’s incredible. Such a beautiful post to read. Congratulations 
