Checking in
Day17
It’s 1139am here. Im apologizing now for the long post 
Honestly last night and this morning has been awful and full of worry. I had an awful sleep and have been so busy trying to figure stuff out that i havent even ate anything yet. Haven’t done my morning routine either.
It wasnt due to cravings tho. My husband came home last night from his dental consultation. He was prescribed strong antibiotics for a week to help get rid of a very bad infection that is in his gums. He’s always had issues with teeth due to past injuries, and then drug use in his past, and then being incarcerated and I guess not looking after his teeth well. Idk what caused this. Anyway, he’s been having pain for months in his face and this is why. The dr told him that he maybe has 6-9 months to take care of this before the infection gets to his heart and he dies basically. I guess teeth issues can be very severe. We hadn’t had benefits for so long and he kept pushing off dealing with the pain bcuz we didn’t have money (due to drug use), so now we have to pay $1600 for his teeth being pulled to just get rid of the infection. It’s sooo bad that the pain in his neck, shoulders, face and headaches are due to this infection pulling oxygen out of the surrounding areas.
So there was alot of tension and stress and worry last night. I even had a thought of taking more than 1 of my new pills (1 is only prescribed to me a day)… which I didnt, but I thit this bcuz they have a very drowsy effect on me. And all I wanted to do was to stop thinking and sleep. So it did cross my mind to take more so it’ll knock me out (not even to get high, just to sleep). But if I did that, it would be a relapse in my eyes and I’m not abusing my meds.
So today I was busy trying to figure out finances. Trying to be grateful that he went to see a dentist yesterday. Grateful that I pushed for medical benefits bcuz if it wasn’t for these new benefits he wouldn’t have gone to that appt. And he would’ve lived with this pain and most likely died from it. I’m thankful for my brother doing our taxes today so we can get a refund (hopefully) and have $$ to pay for his teeth pulling etc. The benefits only cover 1000 so we will have to pay out of pocket. And I’m hella grateful that we are clean and getting back on track slowly with our $$. I’m grateful that thruout everything that is going on, I haven’t really thot of using. Just the odd thot here and there.
This makes me realize how badly we treat our bodies in the problem. And how we don’t look after ourselves. And now we (he is currently) facing the consequences of prolonged waiting to seek medical help. He’d rather use gorilla glue and tape to put a cut from work back together then getting stitches. Like it’s soo important for us to look after ourselves. The important thing is getting those bottom teeth out and then the tops have to go next year. But im grateful we have a chance to fix this.
Again, sorry for the long post. Its been one hell of an emotional Rollercoaster
Congratulations on those 38 days. That’s awesome. I’m still around. I’m just not checking in so often. So far, I’m on day 129.
Thanks for thinking of me
Day 1221 Sober
Day 13 on Parole
When people ask me how I feel, I’m at a loss for words. I feel too much to describe.
This isn’t a bad thing. But it’s a lot to try to convey in a simple, understandable way.
The headline here is:
I HAVE A LOT TO BE GRATEFUL FOR.
Where to begin… Hmmmm how bout a gratitude list?
I woke up with the sun today, ready to wake and joyfully sober.
This morning I get to lay in my bed, sip earl grey tea, and complete safety training courses online.
I get to be lovingly supportive of my wife (Kerrie’s) need for space. Allowing her to focus on her personal wellbeing.
I got to visit with my dear friend and sponsor, Bob,
Yesterday in my home and share a lovely conversation with him and Kerrie.
I have a new job opportunity and am in the final phase of screening.
I got to talk on the phone with two of my former supervisors who are generously recommending me for this new job opportunity.
I got to reconnect with my friend David and open myself up to his offer of financial support.
I have more friends and love coming my way than I can handle, and it makes my heart swell, everyday.
I found the exact dresser I was looking for, this week, and today I get to unpack my clothes into it.
I have a beautiful new home to share with Kerrie and we get to decorate and arrange furniture together. Taking our time as we do so.
I get to fill out a rental application and provide bank statements to my landlord today, opening my heart to wonder instead of worry.
On Saturday, I get the opportunity to show my character and integrity to my landlord, when we meet in person for the first time.
Outside my front door is a beautiful neighborhood, full of trees, nestled in the foothills of picturesque mountains, walking distance from shopping/dining and AA+NA meetings.
I don’t HAVE TO walk anywhere because I have my truck and my license again.
I get to call whomever I like, at any point in the day, and tell them I love them /miss them /hope to catch up soon.
This afternoon I get to go to my first yoga class in damn near two years.
I get to share that experience with my wife.
Today I can be compassionate toward myself and others, without fear of judgements or misunderstanding
Today I get to make progress in many different aspects of my life, through simple straight forward effort and honest attention.
I do not need to drink or use to be OK today.
I get to love myself instead.
Whoa.
That’s a bigger list than I thought it would be when I started it. I guess that’s how it works though. We see what we look for.
I hope you guys can shine a light on the things you’re grateful for today. I love you.
Thank you sober buddy 
Of course sober buddy 
Harder day today, feeling meh …
However, ploughing through. It’s always harder towards the weekend. I have a dental appointment really early as well tomorrow, so a bit nervy about that but been waiting two years for this treatment!
Think I will draw a line under today and retire to Bedfordshire.
Everything your going to feel is absolutely normal, not nice but normal. 1 minute at a time I promise you this all gets easier. Well done on 3 days.
That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing! You could always join in at the daily gratitude thread, too. It’s a wonderful read every day. I don’t post daily, but many do.
Aaaah, sorry you are feeling rubbish, and about the dental appointment. I am also considering going up soon, probably would if the kids weren’t still wide awake. Love the saying off to Bedfordshire. The County north of me, call in on the way. I can provide soothing teas and a companion who is so tired they’ll stare into space 
That sounds super stressful! Well done for staying strong and sober through out it. I hope that your husband feels better soon.
Me too! As stressful as it is, im grateful that we have an answer for his pain. And we know have to just keep on for a solution and follow thru. Dental here in Alberta is from what I know, is the highest in Canada. Where my hubby is from its aprox $50/tooth. Here for an uncomplicated tooth pull ots $150/tooth. Crazy. Thank u for ur support!
Thanks Jenny. I like the saying as well. I always feel so ridiculously moany compared to people who have kids keeping them busy haha. I think I need to be up around 6.30 to get into London on time for my appointment!
Good luck getting to bed! 
Good morning everyone from Adelaide Australia. 95 days sober here and naturally awake at 6am which has been happening a bit lately. It’s strange as all my life I’ve been a sleepy head in the morning and now I’m happy and excited to greet the day!
I hope you all have a fantastic day/night where ever you all are 
🛼
Dental care is ridiculously expensive. I think last time my dentist offered a payment plan. I have to do that with almost everything these days as I’ve been out of work. I’m not sure if it’s an option for you, but it definitely helps take the pressure off.
I like your positive attitude too. I hope the pain stops soon for him 
🛼
The last few days dragged a bit as the excitement mounted, but what do you know, I’ve got 30 clean days! BUT hey
self going forward, just so you know there is no time ever for cockiness or “stinking thinking” I am in a complete state of surrender. 30 days and 10 minutes. I love all of you.
Oh, yes please. 
Hey Everyone. I checked in earlier today, but today has been a day of nightmares. So stressful. So much to do in such a short amount of time. It is currently taking everything inside of me right now to not walk away from the computer and go get something to drink. Ugh, this is a hard one today.
It does make feel a little better just to vent here for a moment everyone. I’m trying guys!