It’s not nice when you feel tired all the time. How are you sleeping?
1 Like
Thanks you cam 
You are doing well my friend.
Not giving in on using and binge eating. I am proud of you 
Stay strong 
3 Likes
Thank you so much
1 Like
Back to the start again…was doing good but got a bit caught up in these floods we are having. Was helping at the evacuation centre with a friend and we ‘needed’ wine afterwards. The energy here is quite sad atm.
Anyways I’m trying to be more conscious when I am drinking and afterwards, feeling my body and how it affects me. Yesterday I only had one drink coz as I’m feeling it I started to not enjoy it, it tasted too sweet, my body felt drowsy. I didn’t want another drink.
I read about doing this so hoping it works. X
16 Likes
Hey Frank, glad to hear you made it through the night. I know it’s hard to feel our feelings especially fear. Hoping you can keep checking in with us to give you strength while you go through this time. I think your kids and your grandchild would all be better off if you could stay sober and be present for them.
Sending lots of strength.
3 Likes
really happy and proud over here
2 Likes
I am so proud of you Mno 
1000 days ! Huge congratulations
3 Likes
Day 566 
Have a nice weekend everyone 
11 Likes
I totally get it
Welcome back Kelly
3 Likes
Welcome back.
2 Likes
Welcome back 
2 Likes
Checking in
Day18
This image right here 
This is what today is about. And once again… this addiction shows me how cunning, baffling, and powerful!
I was finally having a relaxing morning doing a few things for myself for once and then back to back phone calls from hubby (who is naturally more negative to being with), calling me with complaint after complaint of things going wrong today for him. Literally I was holding the phone away from ear and silently screaming at myself bcuz I’m trying to gain and keep some serenity right now. His teeth appt finished and now he is running a few more errands. Then home. And I start predicting him asking me about using cuz I know he is stressed. And I dont want to deal eirh that either. And then the thot pops into my head, “I don’t know if I’m strong enough today to fight it if he asks me”. It was just messed up thinking and my addiction lieung to me about my strength. I’m tired of fighting with my brain! Like I need it to shut up!! This 2-sided argument needs to stop. So im venting abit here I guess and this is helping to process all this. But im tired of reminding myself that people can not make me feel a certain a way. I think that bcuz my hubby is negative and stressed, that it’s ruining my day and peace and serenity. Well it isn’t him. I’m choosing to allow it to ruin my day. Grrrr. When does this get easier. Like this Rollercoaster of whatever it is I’m experiencing needs to end real quick lol
13 Likes
I was going to go to my first AA meeting today but I figured the gym would be enough. Turns out no matter how much I work out I still can’t get out of my own head. I picked up some extra shifts so I have to keep it together for the rest of the night. All these distractions never seem to suffice though. As much as I don’t want to piss away 8 months coke free, it would be the easiest thing to run to. I just want to feel alright, even if it’s just for the night. Either that or “just one” drink. Then I always end up telling myself, at least I’m not doing blow. Like it’s any better or like I’ll even stop at one drink.
14 Likes
Sorry for the lapse in serenity Dana.
Don’t let it take away your clean time, you got this!
I was thinking the similar thing last night, that I am willing to be triggered and let everything be my teacher as Pema says. Scary isn’t it? Please HP go easy on us.
Just say ’ the angry mind feels like this’ or
‘anger is visiting me’ ’ that’s just the way it is right now’
Surf the waves of emotion like in meditation and realize that everything is like a dream.
I’d have a strong coffee and a walk if possible.
I’ll do a meditation and prayer for you Dana, please take good care 🧘♂:hugs:
4 Likes
That was a big thing for me as well man. Yeah working out is great, I was biking 30 miles a day plus lifting and jogging and still couldn’t get out of my head. It starts within, I thought just fixing how I looked was gonna make my sobriety better. If that makes sense but that’s how I felt, I wasn’t really doing the sobriety for me I was doing it to show everyone how better I was bc I was sober but in reality I wasn’t really working on myself on the inside. Not saying that’s the case with you, but it was for me. I needed to do some healing, still do shits a fight no doubt. Congratulations on 8 months coke free, I had a little over year that I blew and got into meth which I never thought I would do. But even now I still don’t put in the work like I think I do, but we’re sober so that’s a plus.
6 Likes
Definitely strikes a chord about being sober just to prove something to everyone else. If I’m honest I don’t know if I’m truly ready to be accountable. But from my long journey I personally said I would never do x y and z and did all of that. But what’s done is done and I agree at least we’re sober. 
1 Like
Thank u SO much!!! I absolutely needed to read this! I totally forgot about how everything that happens to me, is something to learn from. And I love how you labeled the emotion and mentioned “surfing the emotion”. I do this with urges to use. I will just observe the urge, label it sort of like “I realize that I am craving to use”, and then allow it to pass and not feed into it (cuz that just makes it worse). I never realized that I could use a similar method for emotions. I appreciate u saying this. I needed to read this
3 Likes
Day 3 of no self harm.
Still feeling mad at myself. Having to see what I did to myself every day sucks.
Had to eat dinner with my grandma and grandpa (the ones on my dad’s side) and they’re not great. My grandpa on my mom’s side is fantastic but they’re definitely different. My grandpa is just kinda clueless about how to talk to anyone younger than him. But my grandma is constantly making comments about my weight. She always greets me by poking my stomach. I walk in (haven’t seen them since Christmas) and the first thing my grandpa says is my hair is weird. And then my grandma says I look weird in general. And that I’ve put on weight. And then when she sees my new septum piercing, she makes some comment and then SHE TOUCHES THE WEEK OLD PIERCING to see if it’s fake. It’s still sore so that wasn’t great.
Managed to eat dinner with them, but she really messes with my eating disorder brain. Planning to play some games with one of my friends tomorrow so hopefully that helps.
12 Likes
Checking in
Day18
Just thot id do a quick evening checkin. I’m feeling better than I was earlier. Grateful for Owen @Nowenbrace who reminded me that everything that happens to us is a teaching moment…whether it is to strengthen my connection to God or to teach patience or to learn how to slow down or whatever it is. And then to label what I’m feeling, observe it, and let it pass like a cloud in my mind.
I have some resentments going on. Some to my friend who I often compare myself to and then some to hubby.
All tonight, I’m getting the “using vibe” from hubby. Looks like he’s sulking almost. Neither one of us has mentioned a thing about it tho and that’s good! He’s dealing with it the way he knows how. And I am dealing with it in my own way. Our methods are very diff for the most part so that’s ok.
I need a nice lavender bath tonight. That’s my goal lol and some good rest!
I really hope everyone is doing alright tonight
15 Likes