Starting over on TS yet again. I locked myself out of my former account in an attempt to curtail my interrner usage, but it failed as usual and Robin won’t replace my original email so I can reset my password and log back in. He’s probably tired of my shenanigans & I don’t blame him. I struggle with inconsistency in nearly every aspect of life, and the more I remained trapped within the confines of comfort, the more I sink into a sunken place with no willpower to push through with my objectives and obligations. It’s a sad story for this boy named Joseph, but I’m still here. Infact, I’m hopeful that the next 2 stages of my life involve killing these comfort zones and becomeing the person I aspire to be, then assisting others with doing the same. It’s hard to stay motivated when the threat of having absolutely nothing, not even life itself, doesn’t intimidate you.
Checking in Day48
Beautiful day today. Just heading to work. Lots of reminders of addiction today while taking the train tho. The stations are usually a temporary home for many it broke my heart honestly to see a man shaving in the corner of the station today or the group using. It also is a reminder to be grateful for what I have. I dont always have everything I want, but always what I need. And also another bigger reminder to stay humble. Cuz it only takes 1 use/drink to end up in spots that we never have imagined. I know that I use to have “moments of clarity” at the most random times in my using “career”, where’s I’d ask myself how the hell I got here or what I was doing. No one is better or less than. Anyway, beautiful purple skies today! Have a wonderful addiction free day everyone!
Hello Kat here checking in on Day 242 or 8 months! My Clean date is August 3 2021. Glad that I started the year clean and going into April clean. 8 months is cool but I really want that next NA keytag which happens at 9 months lol.
Did have a drinking/ using dream last night in which I was going to hide the use from my sponsor and everyone and keep my clean time. Bad dream decision. That’s the old addict talking. Ah well. Only a dream thank goodness.
Going to enjoy this day off with two of my sons, got another 7 in row coming up Monday. Found out I didn’t get the apartment I was going to apply for but that’s ok, can’t move til June 1.
He’s totally trying to tear you down. I hope that makes you want to be even stronger. Your wayyyy better when you’re not drinking, but you are probably also more aware of what’s going on and how dishonest and/ or manipulative hes being which probably pisses him off. Good for you for staying strong!!!
Day 660 clean and sober today. Today is my Friday yay! Very proud of everybody here and grateful to walk this path with you all. Have a kick ass day, love you guys!
It’s interesting when we were drinking they were in control, as we gain power over ourselves they feel that control slip away, so they grasp at straws to get it back.
The problem is it often leads to fighting, resentments and standoffs, hopefully you guys can resolve your issues
Sitting here studying and the little addiction voice goes "yeah, you can drink today. That would be so much fun " And then I start doing what y’all recommended: think about where it will lead, how I would feel, why this shit continues to pop up in my head.
I think it is like my cPTSD. I now know alcoholism will always be there… always a part of me. I have to pay attn to my thoughts and think through them. Is it rational, reasonable, and why.
Yeah I don’t know why we trick ourselves into forgetting the reasons that we’ve quit. I’m going to make sure every time I crave I go on here and keep reading and scrolling and read what I’ve written before. It never turns out well picking up that first drink. Never. I’m glad you shared
Felt a little disappointed, that my daily 30 minutes mindfulness meditation became a 30 minutes distraction. Which of course, is fine. It is what it is, the mind is hard to calm down sometimes.
So I started being mild and kind to myself, remembering myself how completely different I deal with things now, compared to before I started this journey.
Actually, I’m kind of proud of it. Normally, I would have felt and absorbed the tensions present in others, without being able to understand what those tensions were, where they came from, even unable to notice they are there untill they started boiling inside. After which I would try to cool them with beer untill I finally would simply implode or have a meltdown.
As always, I would definately have empathy - but as always, I would have been unable to reckognise it for what it was, let alone respond properly to it.
Instead, I knów I’m having a difficult time dealing with the situation on board right now. I knów why that is, whý I feel distracted easily and I am facing it. Sober. Without meltdown or implosion.
I’ve grown. Still a work in progress, but proud and happy with how far I’ve come along so far.
Love all your city shots! Beautiful streaks of light in this one. And very true that anyone can be in situations they never imagined themselves in…good to feel small sometimes.
Day 172 I just wanted to seriously say thank you everyone for all of your positive and helpful feed back, I have the hardest time going through and tagging everyone on my phone it is a pain trying to go back and finding who to tag. But you all seriously help me keep pushing along with my girls, and I will definitely take alot of your guys advice, I do need try meetings and stop being afraid to go out or my house. I do need to be more active and love myself and stop caring and worrying what others think. Love y’all hope you good days much love
Still sitting in my sweats, haven’t moved from the couch. Did a devotion and read my Big Book. Trying not to think of work which is hours away, but I’m just so anxious.
Grateful for all of the individuals I’ve met here on this forum. Today is the anniversary of my wife’s mother death. I’m doing my best to support her during this time. I’m going to get her flowers and maybe try to cook dinner tonight.
Thinking about how I can continue to think positive affirmations and thankfulness to God for everything I’ve been given. I want to try to maintain a sense of gratitude all day. I NEED good days. I feel like I haven’t had a really good day in some time. Reading the threads on this forum really help.
Checking in, day 513 no alcohol, day 23 no cigarettes. Enjoying solitude in my old ’bachelor flat’ in Budapest. I have to settle some official stuff that I dislike and also have a lot of work, but besides that I’m feeling ok.
Checking on day 17, a crazy Sunday.
Hello Dears, after a beautiful spring time with much outdoor activity and grill lunches, we woke up to zero C temperature and snowing. All our fruit trees have been in blossom, I guess it just killed them all. The cats behave insanely, loud, grumpy and unpredictable are all 5 of them. I endured a lot of cravings, did many unnecessary small chores just to keep my hands busy. Had way too many coffees, now I am worried about nighttime rest. Tomorrow I have to get up at 4 am to arrive on time at the morning class in the gym. It will be awful I know, returning to the coach and fellas after 4 months of absence. It is not the first time though. I packed my training bag already. Performance will be miserable for sure. Now my daughter wishes to watch Tom&Jerry movie with, so we will do so.
Congrats on making it to three weeks, you’re doing a great job. I am not sure if meditation is a part of your recovery or not but it sure helps me get back into the present moment. Anxiety usually happens because we are looking into the future…
I use an app called Insight Timer for my meditations or there are plenty on youtube.
You can always join us on the meditation thread too.
it broke my heart honestly to see a man shaving in the corner of the station today or the group using. It also is a reminder to be grateful for what I have. I dont always have everything I want, but always what I need. And also another bigger reminder to stay humble. Cuz it only takes 1 use/drink to end up in spots that we never have imagined. I know that I use to have “moments of clarity” at the most random times in my using “career”, where’s I’d ask myself how the hell I got here or what I was doing. No one is better or less than. Anyway, beautiful purple skies today! Have a wonderful addiction free day everyone! 
