Thank you so much @Its_me_Stella . I did a very long"Letting go of Anger" meditation.
I really try to take responsibility for my feelings and just keep doing the positive self talk thing. I know that the 0nly thing *I *can do I’d take responsibility for myself and my own behavior. Ultimately I’m the only one that can make myself feel better and I think my whole life I’ve expected someone else to be there for me and I’ve never been there for myself. Thank you for sending that reading along. It is so true. I’m honestly thinking about joining an AA group or something. My only hold back is I’ve heard it’s really religious and even though I believe in a higher power I am not a super religious person. I have been impacted by religion in negative ways in my life. I hope that doesn’t offend anyone but I am very spiritual I just find there’s a difference.
Thank you. I had a good sleep. Fresh new day 
TGIF (Thank God I’m Frank) haha! It can stop snowing anytime now and I would be happy thank you very much. Have an awesome day my friends!!
Hello everyone,
Day 114. I currently have the attention span of a 5 year old, but other than that, it’s Friday. Have a good day everyone.
I could actually go for more snow. We are very dry and my pasture is a dust bowl. I really don’t want to buy hay all through summer as well.
I can’t count the number of times I lay awake in bed and felt like the worst mother in the entire world. Couldn’t sleep from anxiety and felt like I handled everything wrong. I think parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world and we’re just doing the best we can and learning in the process. I did a lot of positive affirmation meditations. I really reminded myself that our children do see how we treat ourselves and we need to treat ourselves kindly. @Its_me_Stella talked about that and it’s so true.
Try to focus on the good stuff. I know it’s hard. The girls are lucky to have you. Really they are.
Thanks stella. I do try and teach her in those moments bc she has told me how she has been bullied on the bus so I’ll try to relate her to that, but maybe I’m not doing it right. Even tho it was a rough morning before the bus came and we were waiting I still try to tell her positive affirmation you are strong, you are courageous and you are beautiful. Maybe I speak unhighly of myself and don’t realize it but what I say in words here is not what I say out loud. Im usually really quiet in life. Even with my girls and I don’t talk much. We use to hold hands when we went anywhere but last year were pretty good about keeping a good distance and listening, we do have rules in place yes but honestly they don’t get followed through with me bc if I’m honest they will cry and cry and cry untill I give in. Bc honestly my mind can’t handle the crying or yelling or noise. This year has been hard, idk they went from sleeping by them selves to being to scared and needing me to sleep in there room and from peeing by there selfs last year to I literally need to stay outside the door with them or they won’t go pee, and I will sit there and say no you can go pee by yourself babe even if it’s day light they are afraid to go pee and can’t tell me why. So idk if something is happening at theyre mother’s that is transitioning over to here where they feel safe. Or if it’s me failing as a parent
I love the pics you post. Be well.
Day 637 clean and sober today. I hope everyone has an awesome day today, love you guys!!! 
9 months is fucking awesome!
I understand your hesitation, maybe having a read through the thread I linked below would make you a little more comfortable.
Checking in
Day25
Well I made it to day 25 finally! These last 25 days tho have felt like a long time lol but once I hit 11pm tonight, I will finally be past my longest previous clean streak. So im excited. When I make it to 1 month I am going to treat myself to getting my hair cut and styled 
my hair is almost down to my butt lol and I want to get it drastically cut and styled. I’m thinking an inverted Bob. Today I am working on another dreamcatcher (for the dentist who is paying $1000 out of her pocket for my hubbys dental), vacuuming, dishes, and of course prayer and meditation. Have a wonderful, addiction free Friday everyone!
@icebear Congrats on your 9 months!
@anon53116147 You’ve already gotten such great responses. I’m not a parent, but I did have a big hand in raising my brother, who is ADHD and was quite the handful, and I do have young students and nieces/nephews. An idea that could be useful is to ask them questions. “Why are you calling me dumb?” for example. And listen to the answer. If needed, ask more questions, if needed. They probably do not actually think you are dumb, or if they say they do it could be because of how you have talked about/treated yourself; not because they genuinely feel that way. Gently correct them and even tell them that you feel sad when they say that. There’s nothing wrong with expressing that as long as it’s not used in a manipulative way. Figuring out some rules you want for your house concerning this, and what the consiquenses might be could be good, then take each of them aside during a quiet time and tell them the new rules and what they can expect. Then tell them together. Stick to whatever consiquence you lay out. Might be better for the rules to say that, for example, calling anyone dumb or an Ahole is not accepted in the house, rather than just you. Just some thoughts. I’m trying not to write a whole book in my desire to help. 
I’m not sure if they’re useful. If not, please feel free to disregard.
@SoberWalker I’m sorry you have to wait longer with the tattoo! 
Maybe the tattoo is for you you to test others. 
Ask people questions about your tattoo as it is now, and if they answer wrong then you know they are not to be trusted. Just kidding. I hope things get resolved quickly and in a way that you feel happy with!
@mno I love the lines in that picture and the colors as well. I’m so sorry about your leg cramps! I’ve had that happen in the past and it’s horrible. How is your potasium/sodium levels? I’ve heard those two are connected and that it’s important to have adiquate levels of them in conjunction with the other, and that leg cramps could be a side effect of it being out of balance or too low. Especially with how hard you work your muscles, it might be a posibility. I could be wrong, but it was a thought I had.
I’d also like that link for meditation for anger/frustration, if you’d be so kind.
What a beautiful gift Dana, she will love it.
Wooooohoooooo Drew!!!
Congrats on your 9 months!
You could be right with the potassium/sodium stuff. I don’t do any supplements, only some daily vitamin D en multivitamins when I don’t forget to take 'm. I try to eat well and healthy and most of the time I succeed. In this case I might have drunk and eaten too little while riding, as I often do.
You might be right. The body is an interesting thing. When I ate a ketogenic diet (before it was cool to do so), I read a lot of word done by a couple of doctor/scientist guys who worked with professional athletes, and generally they found potassium/sodium were out of balance because they’re body was releasing too much sodium with the water (through the kidneys), so they added some small amount of salt to some water and drank it to replenish. Maybe 5-10g. I think. Not a huge amount.
Of course your diet is different, but I thought that maybe with the loss of sodium through sweat that could be a factor. I’m sure you’ll figure it out 
Hello lovely people Kat here checking in Day 219 free of my DOC plus alcohol.
Working til 2 pm, I am already working 6 days in a row so said No to overtime next week I just can’t work double shifts I.e. 6am-10pm when I was younger sure but I just can’t anymore. My recovery comes first and for that I need rest time. For my kids also.
Missed the in-person meeting last night due to fatigue but should be able to do Zoom meeting tonight. Have to shop for my kids too who should be coming over.
Love, and have a great clean and sober day!
Kat