I got through last night okay. Chatted with a friend for about an hour and then went to bed. Didn’t get much sleep but that’s nothing new.
Nothing has happened today, I’m just feeling extremely nervous and drained. That is usually how I feel on Sundays though considering Saturdays are often near -traumatic. The whole time I’m there in surrounded by people who have abused me in the past. I spend most of the day in fear and/or reliving things in my head. I think my body is just expecting the usual Saturday aftermath so I’m not feeling great.
I promised my friend that this next Saturday I’m going to talk to my grandpa about how horrible Saturdays are for me, or stop going altogether. I’d never see my grandpa if it weren’t for Saturdays and he’s the only support I have irl. So that’s not an option. But I don’t think I’m capable of telling my grandpa everything that has happened. I feel like it would destroy him knowing what his kids have done. I know Saturdays are unsafe, but I can’t bear not to see my grandpa. I just want to spend whatever time my grandpa has left on good terms. I honestly may have to lie to him and tell him I spoke to my grandpa. It feels like an impossible situation.
You are not invisible here, and u don’t have to feel lonely either. You do seem a bit lost, how can u find your way? Not by using, I know that. Did u call therapists? Get to some meetings? Wishing urself clean won’t work, u gotta do more.
@Deelzebub Sorry to hear that you got triggered by your moms drinking. But please remember that you just do the stretch for yourself and the things, which get be better four yourself and in the end for your kids, who don’t have the feel to same like you do and did about your mom!
Just checking in for day 57. I’ve bought a meditation app, because everbody says that they meditate. . But to my suprise I like it very much and already tried some techniques.
But we spent the day exploring West Texas, had dinner and I got to give a 5 year old and a 10 year old some basic guitar lessons, all in all not a bad day we had fun, I’ll chalk it up as a win with @DeadMist
I am on day 22… well, going into 23, and I’ve also had some thoughts of drinking. Thankfully I did not give in, it feels great! I pray you are doing well and staying strong!! Please let us know .
Checking in day 8. Sundays used to be my drink all day, days of the week. And today was a bit rough with cravings. I tried keeping myself busy. Slept in for as long as I could, ordered breakfast in, then me and my kiddo met up with my friend and her gaggle of children to go to the zoo, took them for ice cream afterwards. It was a good way to break up the day. Got home hubby brought home tacos for dinner so I didn’t have to cook. Then spent the rest of the evening putting away laundry and getting my clothes and bag ready for the gym tomorrow.
I just recently started going to the gym, and being sick all last week I didn’t go. I’m still not 100% but I need to go. I feel myself getting super lazy again, and that leads to drinking and snacking, both out of control. Plus I’ve noticed that I sleep better when I start the day at the gym. Haven’t slept so hot the last week…
Since the end of last year I’ve quit smoking, binge eating, started going to the gym and now quitting booze. So far everything I’ve changed has stuck, except food… I slip up and have mac n cheese every now and again, but I have self control, and that was the goal. Drinking is harder for sure, im celebrating day 8 today on my 8th restart since the start of the year. This time feels possible whereas the other times didn’t. Guess I just had to flip that fuck it switch for reals this time. It feels good!
Good morning! I desire all of you happy twenty four hours. It is just a matter of day by day.
We do not have to think in any record, but just in our happiness.
My bed is ok, but I have some bad memories and stuff from my bed/bedroom, so I cant stand it. It gives me anxiety and stress. So I have been sleeping on the couch I did sleep in the bed tonigth. It took forever to fall asleep, but I did it.
1052
Coffee. Back to life this Monday morning. First a zoom meeting (well it’s teams but zoom everybody knows here) with somebody from HR at -hopefully- my new work place about terms and conditions. Work a late shift at my current job later. If the talk this morning works out I’ll have to give my one months notice.
I’m a bit anxious about both. But working hard to turn that feeling around in my head, from scared anxiety to hopeful excitement. It can be done, just like I’ve been clean and sober for 1052 days now. One day at time.
Hoping for as good a week as you all can have friends. Making it clean and sober is an excellent start to doing just that. Love from Amsterdam where spring did a sprint during my absence.
Love that picture @5th_dimension I was out there last night with my daughter, practicing her goalkeeper skills. She works so hard, so proud of her.
I have been following but haven’t checked in for a few days, not sure why exactly. A little overstimulated this weekend I guess. My Dad is home from hospital and doing well. The rest of us are now Covid free, just tired. I have also lost my appetite and need to keep an eye on that as I am not eating properly. Anxiety stops me eating and I seem to be going down that route…
Congratulations to all on the milestones, and welcome to newcomers.
Hey guys
Feelings pretty flat today on day 26. Just a bit lonely, bored, tired from all the school holiday activities with the kids. Over the weekends I see all my friends online drinking and partying. It’s lonely looking after yourself.
I want to do something, but I haven’t no energy to do anything to feel any better. Just reaching out to vent a bit.
Thanks for hearing me.
Day 13 my pain was bad last night felt a slight urge to drink but resisted I had to remind myself I have no other choice but to stop it’s great waking up with a clear mind have a good day everyone
It’s a new way of life. A way that will literally last you a lifetime. We have to discover new ways of enjoying ourselves, new ways to socialize, new activities to do instead of the partying and drinking we did. The further in time I’m removed from that, the emptier and hollower it all turns out to have been. It’s a road to nowhere. You’re going places now. One day at a time. Two steps forward, one back. And all that. You’re doing better than you think. Congrats on 26 days Alycia. Keep going.
@Alycia Hang in there. I have also felt that at times. And it’s a deep heartache kind of feeling. Alcohol was also “my friend” which it obviously wasn’t. I also realize it’s because I want more connection. Not only with others but also my HP. As I get more comfortable in my recovery and feeling more confident and positive with everything it definitely feels like its getting easier. I also try to connect with other sisters, even if it’s only to check in on each other on whattsapp etc. Stay strong xx
Oh and @Mno has given brilliant advice. Actually going to read his post again lol.
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I did sleep in the bed tonigth. It took forever to fall asleep, but I did it.
my pain was bad last night felt a slight urge to drink but resisted I had to remind myself I have no other choice but to stop it’s great waking up with a clear mind have a good day everyone