Checking in on day 23! Wishing my Brother @felipeandrews the best in his journey. Major support to @Seb and so appreciate @Bluekoolaid for his support. I cried again today when I got home, just thinking that nothing is permanent. Change is everywhere and I have no clue about the future…Ugh!
This is where faith comes in. Honestly, been struggling with my faith.
The consultant report arrived with recommendations for our company. No real fantastic news, but a glimmer of light. I worry a ton about the future of my job and company.
Came home and immediately got into some sweats and going to watch FBI and FBI:Most Wanted tonight. This is my time to escape. Will need to do my evening Big Book reading for tomorrow’s call with my sponsor.
Day 96.
Waaay too much to do, but I am beyond blessed. As I was leaving work this afternoon I was so grateful for how much I love what I do. And that was amazing, because though I know how blessed I am, and am truly thankful every day for my roof, my AC, my kids, my boyfriend, I never feel gratitude in my heart. After the ex left, I did not feel anything for the longest time. I was OUTSTANDING in blocking any and every emotion. So to feel this gratitude for the love of my job… YAY!
I love reading what each of us is working through. Y’all are absolutely amazing. Literally every one of you!
Also, I have some weird pain behind my right ear lol. That is all! Yall have a good night.
I hope opening up and sharing a bit more on here has helped you process all these feelings of yours. I use to drink myself numb and still cry. Now I just cry and let the feelings come through me all sober like. And it’s such a great stress release. My first year I never knew what might hit me out of the blue even when things were going smoothly. I’d drudge up some old memories and cry in the middle of my walk. Like where the fuck did that come from? I think it’s called healing. And it’s so worth it. And so are you. You’re doing great mate! Keep up the good work.
I’m so glad your back here on our team.
Hi All Checking in sober at 8 11/16 M AF.
Proud of you all for all the hard work and accomplishments!!
I’m going to step away from the app as my mental health is acting up: taking the posts personally like they are for me.
Going to miss Eric, Brian, Stella, Dana and Menno and Kat and many more.
Thanks for the shares it’s helped me A Lot you’re all very courageous to be vulnerable like this.
And I’ll keep you in my heart and remember this valuable fellowship
Stay strong sober friends,
Love Owen 🧘♂:heart:
Thanks so much Eric.
Ahhh yes healing. Something I’ve never truly experienced. I’ve read books, seen councillors, seen faith healers but still struggle to let go of the past at times. I have learnt though to accept those different feelings and learnt better how to sit with them. Still not an easy task at times. Talking definitely does help, so I really appreciate your kind words and understanding. Thanks again mate.
Hey Michael, my friend!! How are you? It’s been a crazy busy day. Just really taking some down time to relax and get caught up on here how have u been?
Had some time off from teaching some of my classes over spring break. I’m back to teaching my evening on Tuesday and Thursday… For some reason these nights are the hardest. I teach my class and then I immediately want to drink. There’s no real reason… I mean I guess if you want to look at the triggers and “halt”, I am probably hungry because it’s dinner time when I finish but I always find it hard to eat right after a workout. And also I’m tired because I’ve already taught a few classes today. I’m such a morning person I would never choose to work out in the evenings on my own. I’ve tried to dial it down and take it easier on these evening classes so I’m not doing as much of the workout myself. It’s helping a bit but it’s hard for me to step back and not participate as much because I think it’s more motivating for my participants when I’m actually doing the workout. I’ve got to take care of myself though. Tomorrow is my one week again. The first 4 days after my relapse were so horrible. I’m finally starting to feel better. I started singing again today which I haven’t done in a long time and it always makes me feel so good. My daughter even played the piano and we sang together which was a super special moment. (She’s 16 and doesn’t love to do that with her mother too often )
Thanks everyone:heart:
This is really exciting Mike!! I’m sooo happy to hear that ur sensing some sort of change in mood and thinking! I can hear it in ur post sounds like a nice relief from what u were experiencing for so long before I’m really happy for u!!!
I can relate to this soo much (about the tools and how we need more on some days than on other days). And I’m finding the diff urges to use, require different techniques to pull me out of that thot, depends what it is and how intense it is. Craziness to really see how my mind works lol
Wow 1 week tmrw!! Thats awesome girl! I’m glad ur getting ur groove back and adding up the days! I hear what ur saying about work and picking up. I used to never get triggered after work to use. But since actually getting clean, my work days I do get triggered and what to pick up afterwards. And there is often no particular reason, no real crazy stress or frustration. My only guess for me is as a “reward for putting in a good days work lol”. Idk if u can relate to that. Or sometimes it’s just a need to relax and unwind (altho we all know drugs and alcohol cause WAYYYY more stress than relaxation). Idk… just wanted to throw out those examples to see if they rang true to u also. I’m proud of you tho girl. Just keep at it… 24 hours at a time. That is literally what I tell myself
You’ll be missed, Owen, but I can relate. Most definitely. I’ve done the same plenty of times for multiple reasons and I’m glad you’re taking care of you.
Owen, I hope ur okay my friend. I understand that u need time for u and to do what is best for u. I have always enjoyed reading ur posts. Uv always been an inspiration for me I hope that if u need the support, u will return to reach out. We are here for u
Enjoy the escape time!
lol. That is all! Yall have a good night.
🧘♂:heart:
how have u been?
)
I’ve done the same plenty of times for multiple reasons and I’m glad you’re taking care of you.