@Hidden They do say third time’s the charm. I am sure in your extended periods of sobriety, and in the relapses, u learnt things that will help u keep it this time.
@Kareness I hear you! I have been in worry mode with my son, and it is making me tetchy with him. And he sees anger, not worry.
@michaeljlogan74 Hang on! Is escaping boredom worth the negative things that come with drinking/using?
@Scrammbles Sorry to hear that. Keep trying!
I’m just glad you’re here, Chris. It took me a few times but once you know it’s the way you want to live it’s a non issue. I tend to keep things simple, lol.
Hugs your way! 
Day 42
REALLY struggling today.
My roommates were trying to buy a house since the landlord wants to sell the one we are in. It’s a sellers market after all … The appraisal doesn’t match what the seller wants. It’s all falling apart. They’ve found a friends spare house to go stay with friends and storage for their stuff but me and my bf have nothing, no savings, no family or friends nearby. We have two dogs and a senior cat, and a 99 Toyota Corolla. I’m completely panicking. I’ve been homeless so many times I can’t do this again
I’m actually pissed I’m on Vivitrol. I want a drink so damn bad. I can’t handle all of this again!!!
We have until May 1
I’m so lost
I’m so sorry rhat all of this is happening. That sounds horrible. We all here for you. Don’t give in to the craving, it will only lead to a spiral. And that is exactly the opposite of what you need in this situation. Social services may have some temporary support for you. I really don’t know what to reccomended, but I’m sending you all the love and support in the world
Day 52
Fatigued. I did a decent job today. Painting and doing ceiling tiles.
Fucking scared and anxious. What will happen next month? Want to read more. Watching tv in bed.
Glad to be sober. Grateful to be sober.
It feels good to walk past the alcohol at the store and think no, i dont drink. Feels good to not be tempted beyond a nice flavor. But i keep buying other liquids. Found a sparkling pink lemonade and blood orange soda, cherry lime seltzer blue gatorades. Springy.
Tonight will be day 56 of no self harm.
I’m doing better today. Still pretty rough, but better. Things have been such a mess this week thst I actually completely forgot about school so today I have 9 hours to get a week of school done. It’s taken about 4 hours but I’m halfway done with what I need to do. Taking a dinner break and then I’m back to work. Gonna rush this last half because I’ll probably be calling it quite close. Realistically I could’ve asked for an extension but I really really need to learn how to push myself to work even when I feel like I can’t.
Something positive: made an appointment to register for summer and fall classes. And I realized that at this time next year I’ll have my associates degree!!
Evening Check In
Day 71
This day honestly had been trying. I’ve had numerous things happens today that would’ve normally sent me straight to the pipe. But im okay and am still clean.
First off, an organization I deal with for medical stuff (who takes money out every month via post dated cheques), was claiming I hadn’t paid for such and such months, which wasn’t true. I had to go back into my bank account for last year and screenshot all the times there money was taken out. Anyway, I looked up my statement for the year 2021 to do this, and to see how much money was withdrawn from my account, eas APPAULING, which truly is a frickin understatement. The withdrawals that came out of my account were over $88,000!! I don’t even make nearly that much a year. We borrowed alot of money (which is why we are in financial debt). I realize that this money isn’t all due to using drugs (I do buy food and rent comes out of my account), but seriously WTF!!! I never kept track of how much we spent on drugs. My hubby said that we could’ve potentially bought a cheap house with what we spent in 1 year, and I thought he was crazy… maybe not as crazy as I thought. I mean for alot of last yearz our using got worse and I mean our groceries were bought at the cheapest stores including the dollar store (or even getting food hampers). I can’t believe we spent so much 
It DISGUSTS me. Seeing this made me upset and really feeling shitty about my past choices. But all I can do is take care of today and try to male financial amends.
Then, I went out to Walmart. Lost my phone. Had a brief panic attack in the store bcuz this phone is my contact to family and supports and medical info and personal banking stuff… everything! I held it together and thank God for the person who turned it in. That kind of intense emotion would’ve made me wanna use or binge to stuff my feelings. But I didn’t do either.
Thirdly, my mom caught covid. And she is actually doing quite well isolating at home. But she’s often lonely. And so I face timed with her just now for an hour or so to pick up her spirits. Thankfully I am clean and sober to give a shit and to care about family and offer my help from thousands of miles away.
This day needs to end. And oddly enough I didn’t really crave drugs at all! These events would’ve made me make a call in a second. But it’s fine. And things are okay. And honestly, as trying as this day was…
Hanging out at home tonight, with my kids and husband! 37 years old today! Hope everyone is doing great, loving life, grabbing hold, and dancing in the rain!
It’s truly amazing how the nickels and dimes get away from us. I was in group therapy about 6 years ago, and one of our exercises was to add up how much we’d spent over the years. Now, beer is about the cheapest buzz you can get, but I’d still spent over $40,000!! 
Overall, it’s been a good day though. Got my liver ultrasound done, finally. Full results are coming, but preliminary looked good. Case manager says my housing assistance is getting around to my rent (I’d be on the hook for $3000 otherwise) and I made some effort to getting my job back.
Still, I can’t shake this slight feeling of annoyance tonight. I’m cranky about something and I don’t know what… 
It’s day 319
So I am checking in here
A sober haiku
Day 192
Got some OT at work.
Nothing new here. One day at a time.
Stay safe and take care!
素晴らしい。感動しました。
Finishing up day 10 today. Made it to the gym this morning. Barely. It took EVERYTHING in me just to put the workout clothes on. And even then, it was real tempting to just sleep in the parking lot rather than go inside! I did sleep better last night, just one little coughing fit around 245 this morning, but I was able to go right back to sleep. I just wanted so much more sleep than the 7ish hours i got. Got a late start due to my lack of motivation for any of it. But I managed to get my kiddo off to school and get 30 mins on the treadmill. Better than nothing, but I can tell the week I was out sick, really affected my stamina and motivation to keep at it. SO my goal this week is to work thru that and get back to where I was. Itll distract me from the drink at the very least. Still having cravings when I get home from work, so I got right to making dinner. Fried chicken, green beans and scalloped potatoes for the family, grilled chicken and green beans for me… I suspect those post work cravings won’t go away anytime soon… it is what it is, and as long as I don’t cave in im on the right track. Tomorrow is my kiddos bday, so im taking her out of school early to go to lunch, get her ears pierced again, take her shopping then finish the day with a movie. I give her the choice every year for her bday, either party or adventure. This year she chose adventure so we are staying in a haunted hotel (all her idea) and doing a couple ghost tours in an old town nearby this weekend. She is very excited and so am I. Bc no party means I don’t have to put up with my family crap! I’d rather be triggered by an old ghost town (also a place ive gone just to drink. Best grungy little dive bar ive ever been to lives there) than my family anyway lol. At least I’ll have a better chance at winning… I will be tested this week. But I will overcome and I WILL NOT DRINK.
Making it stick is the plan. I really hate how it whittles away at my quality of life. Alcohol definitely didn’t make me happier or enjoy life more. That’s not a quality life.
Thank you! Grateful to have this place to come back to.
Thank you! Simple is how I try to live my life!
