0.4 Years
or
4.9 Months
or
21.0 Weeks
or
147.0 Days
or
3528.0 Hours
I am surely thankful for this time above clean and without temptations for use of drugs and alcohol.
Getting in to the rehab and walking in the door wasn’t easy. Staying and sitting in my emotions and illness, was. Not using is easy. Sitting in these emotions and wreckage I’ve caused and ignored for so long, isn’t easy.
I have a Sponsor now. I have completed my 40 hours of training thus far for CCAR Recovery Coaching now. I am managing a Recovery home now. I am the executive assistant of a Recovery Living community now. All these things were prayer requests. And now they are praise reports.
I know none of this is possible without ridding myself of SELF.
I had to get out of my own way. And I must remain vigilant to reflect on each day, how I can do better and spend time with my Higher Power.
I am happy to have a friend in my bestie. And I am also concerned that he continues to use. And defends it. I will love him right where he is at and at same time I wonder what kind of friend I am if the power of healing and change that went through me isn’t affecting him.
Not by my might but by God’s alone.
My ex husband is an ass. Like a true greedy, abusive, grimet prick. And today… I don’t have to be set off course just because he continues to be aggressive, abusive and threatening. My heart is sad for my three youngest caught in the crossfire’s of his hate. I wrestle with God on this subject because my ex continues to lie, be hateful and yet get his way. I’ve cried out on many occasions asking when he will get his harvest paid back to him in full. I feel God pat me on the head and say, ‘now now babygirl. I’ll get to him but let’s work on you first.’
I am willing. It hurts like hellfire some days and other days it feels like cakewalk. The ebbs and flows of life, recovery, relationships and purpose are ever-changing. I would just hope to be consistent when everything else , except God, is not.
Congrats on 99 days Fae. Those milestones really messed with my brain. The addict part is screaming at you. Even when I knew they were coming. Keep checking in. It always helped me to get through the milestone malady.
Day 621
I’ve been really tired and not sleeping well the past week. Saturday and today I’ve woken up feeling terrible and I’m stressing myself out today thinking I’m getting sick. Work week starts tomorrow and I’m already dreading the possibility of needing to call out if this gets worse.
Cabin weekend was busy. Sap was flowing! Friday my step dad went up early and was boiling all day, we collected more and kept processing all day Saturday for an end result of just over 3 gallons of syrup that we enjoyed on french toast Sunday morning. Collected another roughly 42 gallons of sap in the afternoon that we’re storing to be processed later in the week.
Also had some nice conversations with my mum. My partner and I talked on the drive home about how my mum seemed to be doing pretty good this weekend/less stressful and manipulative when we interact with her. She opened up to me about some of the details of how terribly my abuelo treated her and my memere during her childhood. There was a huge incident recently where he tried to wiggle back into their lives and it is bringing up a lot of old wounds for all of us.
I’m quite a bit depressed and just staying in bed now. Letting myself have today as a recovery/wellness day.
Day 40.
My daughter had a second eye test today that showed that she needs glasses. Hopefully having them will make her headaches go away, but it’ll be 2 weeks before her new glasses are ready. It was really nice spending time with her today at the optician and the coffee shop while we waited on the eye drops to take effect.
I’m still feeling tired much of the time and have had an outbreak of acne over the past couple of weeks. My mood has been pretty good recently, although my son thought I was being pretty grumpy at lunchtime! I think I was just really hungry.
I haven’t been to any meetings lately due to my daughter being at home with me, and I’m not keen on zoom meetings. I enjoy coming here to see how everyone is getting on though. It makes a difference.
Have a good day everyone.
Checking in at 127 days Sober and day 3 of being sick but I’m making it happen. side note: doing solo projects at work out of respect for fellow coworkers. Just want too say to anyone having a bad day trust you’re still winning because you’re sober/clean whether you have 7 days or 100 those are W’s and no one can take that away for you so let’s keep winning! I want wish everyone the best in this new week. Peace, Take Care and Stay Safe. One!
Checking in. Every morning when I wake up, I say to my self : Im so happy I did not drink yesterday and are sober this morning, and I take myself back to hangover morning in my mind to remember how big of a pain I had.
I work with my self everyday. I dont know if I do it the rigth way, but I do things for my self, just because. I tried staying away from sugar during the weekdays, and in the beginning I was doing great, but not so much anymore. Have to get back on track there.
Hope you all are doing good and have yourself a great day
Check in Day 56
Woke up in auch good spirits! Like wtf!! Oh man thos roller coaster of emotions needs to level out abit lol… mind u I’m grateful for being able to feel and to enjoy the high and low moments of recovery… cuz without the down times I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the good times.
Anyway, woke up at 515am. Got my butt out of bed and hit the gym! Worked out for alittle over an hour. Then ate a good breakfast, got ready for my day, did my readings and connecting to my HP, attended a prayer zoom mtg with other ladies in recovery. Now to get some groceries. And enjoy my day! Feeling grateful and blessed
Hope everyone has an addiction free day!
That’s a lot of syrup on toast for a Sunday morning Jess! . Looks like good stuff friend. Sorry for the depressive feelings. Good you’re taking you time to recover. Hugs.
Awe thank u! But honestly it helps that I am 100% a morning person to begin with. I couldn’t wake up early for the longest time… but then I started purposely waking up early… setting my alarm, waking up but not working out. I would meditate instead for something to do or play games on my phone just to stay awake to get in the habit of it. Now o fond it easy to get up, the hard part is getting to the gym lol but it is easier now to not fall back asleep
Day 36
Son has a fever since Friday. He eats a little and drinks enough, but he hardly talks, which is so unusual for him. Can’t do my work properly, and my husband and I are in a constant fight. We try not to argue in front of our son. But it is a sad and tough time. Try to suppress my feelings and still glad I don’t numb myself with booze.
Sorry for complaining. It will get better, I guess.
Doing well, went to in-person meeting last night. Wasn’t feeling the greatest wave of fatigue hit me and I had to leave in middle of it to throw up in the church garbage can and toilet. Went home and crashed until 2pm today. Now just sitting here waiting for my addiction Dr. appointment.
654 sober. Getting near that two year mark. Adhd evaluation at the end of the month. Looking forward to it.
Life is okay for me. It is getting a bit easier at work which I am happy about of course. And home life is okay. Love my family. Love my cats. It is all working out.
Edit. I had some thyroid issues, but my levels got back to the low end of “normal” range. However now I have a really painful lump on my throat and it hurts to swallow. Like the pain feels on the outside of my throat, where the lump is, just ubder the skin at the lmbotton of my throat/neck. It started out a few weeks ago, got better, and now the lump is bigger and hurts again. Probably time to check them levels again I guess.
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