Finishing up day 403. For the first time in forever I had a momentary urge to stop at the liquor store on the way home. Used to be a daily struggle. And instead of the mental fight…a thought came into my head…“drinking will get in the way of what I want to do tonight. It will get in the way of my 6 am exercise class tomorrow.”
It was that easy. At least today it was and for that I’m grateful.
Congratulations Carolyn! Way to go! This is a big deal! You are an inspiration to me ~
Day 38.
One foot in front of the other.
Im tired and dont want to do anything.
Psa: dont put loose razors and knives in your trash bags!
Also please dont fill the bags to where it is near impossible to move them, how on earth would someone throw that up above their head.
Soaking my finger in epsom salt tonight because my finger got cut through the glove on God knows what. So gross.
This is normally grounds to drink, but honestly scared of being that out of it and out of control. How was i living like that. How was I so in denial. Terrifying, terrified of what hindsight im about to have.
Way to go on 1 month!!! Yay 
“Make ur life too big to fit in a bottle” is a good aa saying.
I like that! Hadn’t heard it before. Without even knowing it…seems that’s what I did and am doing every day! Thank you for that.
Checking in at 2 years 1 month 22 days!! Life is amazing 
I am saving money. I have a bank account and a shoe box with cash in it… I have a boyfriend who is in recovery who loves me for me. I have a sponsor now so I can start working the steps finally! I am going to a lot of meetings and I am also meeting my health goals
Like getting off certain meds, getting all of my dental work done and stuff like that. I have one more pay check
And I can get my license reinstated… so ya things get better . SOMETIMES QUICKLY, sometimes SLOWLY. Most of all I have a loving Higher Power who saves me from my thinking problem and helps
Me find peace within my disease and blessed me daily.
Fantastic work!!! Congrats on 2.1.22 !!!
That’s awesome to read Flannery!!
Congratulations on the new Beau and all that recovery paying off.
God Bless
Congratulations on your 1 month Michael.
It’s great to have you on our team.
ODAAT.
Congratulations Deep on your 1 month of recovery.
Great job!!
Check in
Day 57
Day was okay I guess. Kind of blah. I did workout this morning but waking up at 530am or so for a workout makes me tired thruout the day, which puts my mood in a funk. Basically had an appt at 11 am, prayed, cleaned up, made supper, and am now doing laundry. Looking forward to my meditation in the morning tmrw. I need a really good one lol I can meditate during the day but there is always SO much distractions and I’m constantly getting interuppted. So I wake up at 620am usually for meditation and make time for myself. Anyway, tmrw is a crazy busy day. Not looking forward to it. Really need to figure out how to manage my feelings of stress and being overwhelmed while out and around people. I’m super sensitive to other people’s auras and all the commotion around me. It really gets to me. I’ve been trying diff techniques while running errands. Some work and some not so much. But will keep trying diff things until I find 1 or 2 or 3 things that work. Hope everyone’s day was manageable!
Omg!!! Congratulations way to go Michael!
Amazing!!! 30 days 
Well, if we’re sharing our Jordan’s…
Day 103.
Another late check in
Day 57
I don’t get it. I am honestly disgusted eith myself. I have such a problem with food now that I’ve gotten clean. I’ve gained weight, felt bad about it, so started doing something about it last week where I would workout a few times a week in the mornings. I have been really trying to watch what I eat. I’m not super strict. It’s more the overeating that gets me. I emotionally eat and eat when I’m not hungry. Since I have been tracking my food intake, it has really been obvious why I have been gaining weight. I set my daily caloric intake for a normal range, nothing extreme. I have literally eaten about 2500 calories more than that today. And I’m disgusted with myself. I am refusing to not gaining anymore weight. I am 5’10", and at the age of 21 when I quit meth, I gained 100lbs in 1 year! I’m scared… Im scared of gaining weight and having health issues and not having energy and not feeling good about myself. It makes me scared so I eat and it’s a crazy messed up cycle! I’m very concerned for my health right now. I should be saying, well at least I’m not using… yes that’s true… but this isn’t healthy either. I used to be so fit and I’m not happy about where I’m at right now 
I won’t use to get thin (that was an old, old trigger of mine), but I need help with my diet. Idk what to do. I know how to eat healthy, I don’t know how to not eat out of boredome or out of emotions. Ugh
Quit lit has been huge for me. If you have any other recommendations, I’m all ears/eyes.
Try to take a deep breath. I know that’s easier said than done. The same thing with the eating as with everything else take it one day at a time. It’s so hard to not feel the pressure about our bodies and I think when we’re stresses we get an even more negative body image. It’s really hard to try to have a positive mind frame when you are feeling the way it sounds like you are feeling but I encourage you to do some positive affirmations about yourself and remind yourself that you are a beautiful person and right now your healing from so many things. I’m sorry that you are struggling with these feelings. You have a lot of tools in your toolbox. Try to apply them to the issues you’re having now as well as your addiction to drugs. Love yourself, take care of yourself emotionally and try to take the pressure off of yourself from eating perfectly or working out right. Sometimes the pressure of trying to get it just right backfires and the best thing to do is to not overthink it so much. I don’t know if this will help you at all but I just want you to know these are some of the things I do for myself and I want you to know that I am here for you❤️
Ooof Dana I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I relate to this so much. It killed me early on when everyone talks about losing weight when they got clean and I gained a good 25lbs in the first year. I tend to eat when I’m emotional, which is most of the time. Drinking enough water is the biggest thing for me so I’m too full to snack when I get the urge. The other thing that I find helps is making sure to have lots of healthy snacks around that I can let myself eat a good amount of. Lots of carrots, apple slices, pickles, & peppers with hummus.
Awe miranda thank u! I honestly see ALOT of similarities btwn me using drugs and me mis-using food. I don’t eat food for the purpose of being healthy and sustaining energy etc. I use food for the wrong reasons. I am very concerned tonight about my food intake. And I do need to show myself a little more self love and gentleness right now. But I am not gaining 100lbs like I did years ago and then having to work my f’n ass off in the gym to get rid of most of it. I cant do this again. As it stands right now I am not healthy. And I am making this worse. I feel so gross tonight but i am clean and sober and that for me does take priority. But still. I’m going to see if I can find any books on this type of thing. And then I need to stock up my fridge with veggies for when I want to eat just bcuz lol. I can’t even count the number of times I asked myself today, “are u really hungry?” And id say “no”. But eat anyway. Or I’d try to distract myself with an activity only to be borderline obsessed with needing to eat. Like omg… ugh. Tmrw is a new day and I will try something new to see if that helps thank u for responding and for letting me just vent I really needed that tonight! Hugs!!!
