Yesterday is gone. All you can do is the right thing today. Nobody is helped with you gone. Not your kids, not yourself. The only thing helpful is doing better today. Hugs.
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@Twizzlers @Mno thank you. I dont drink anymore, I never will. I wish I could change the past, I cant, only today and forward I can choose rigth. But still, it eats me up, thinking about what kind of person I was.
When I was a child I always wondered why my father kept drinking. Why was it so important to him, more then me. Why could he not choose me over alcohol? I asked him many times to stop, he never did, he died from it. And here I am, I did just the same. I let it be more important then my kids, I choose alcohol.
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Checking in at day 232.
My head is spinning a little today. I often have those thought jumps, but today they jump to things from my user time. Recently I came across a refillable old lighter that I always used and I saw myself all the way back in time.
I get my paycheck weekly and thatâs today so I thought hey I get my money today and at the same time I saw that stupid head of my old dealer who I used to say every week âitâs payday tomorrowâ so I can still take some and pay tomorrow. And the next day I gave him my whole salary and I started again. Such a shame and I donât want to be reminded of it. Hadnât bothered with those thoughts for a long time. But I have a late shift today so thatâs distracting. I hope everyone has a nice, carefree and, above all, addiction-free day.
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You are doing so good noticing things and how they might hinder you. I get the numb and dissociating. Sitting with that myself this past week. Like, hi! Where did I just go.
I am glad youâre seeing improvement in your granddad!
Also, I thought about you last night. I have lost a whole bunch of weight and was standing in my kitchen and was having a really long conversation with myself about how I needed to drink a protein shake and how if I was talking to you I would really want you to drink a protein shake because I know itâs good for you. And I know it would be the easiest thing to do (no prep, etc). But I failed for myself. I hope you take care of yourself today.
I hope we both have a great day and a super hope that your last days of class this semester fly by.
Day 112.
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Oh gosh! Please give your little bee a big hug! I hope she gets better soon 
She is lucky to have a mom like you 
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Following on from my previous post I can say that I just bought an awesome coffee machine. I was like if I could spend all my money on something so harmful then let me treat myself to something nice on my payday. I like coffee, the regular coffee but especially the Latte machiato caramel and it also fits in this machine just like many other flavors⌠so happy with it! Go try it right away.
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Ahh well done and yes as a mother you know exactly how to act. You have helped someone a lot and you read the gratitude from the review. Very nice to see. There should definitely be more people like you!
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I fully intend to. 
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Thank you. 
I donât understand why itâs so hard for people to just be kind.
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Will do. She was feeling much better when I last saw her. Not 100% yet but better.
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Youâre here. Youâre sober. Youâre not the same.
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Exactly it feels nice to do something for someone else and you are doing the other person a great favor, what more could you want!
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And now youâre teaching them we can change. That we can learn from past mistakes. That they donât define us.
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Good morning/afternoon/evening all!
Day 155 Just checking in, everyone have a great day today!
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Thank you so much @Miranda for your thoughtful and kind words. Everyoneâs âlikesâ and yours and @Misokatsu âs replies really helped and was comforting.
It was a business idea that I had been so excited to set up and had so many big plans for it. And then yesterday my initial attempt to get it going went down in flames.
But I read a helpful quote last night. âRejection means youâre trying. And if youâre trying that means youâre more likely to succeed. So rejection isnât a bad thing, itâs part of getting where you need to be.â So I just need to keep reminding myself that being rejected is not a rejection of my self-worth or me as a person.
I can still get this thing going but I am not ready for it yet, yesterday made that clear, so I will put it to one side for now 
Iâm spending today relaxing because it still stings, but I think to myself âat least I triedâ. And then tomorrow Iâll pick myself up again and keep moving forward.
Thanks again so much for your kindness 
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Hey all, checking in on day 676. I hope everybody has a good one!
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I an so sorry that you have had to face that but just wanted to say what a wonderful attitude you have to it. Let yourself rest today and process it, lots of self care
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I think that a. I am not like that anymore. I am here to help them if they need support, even if my drinking was a factor in their issues. b. I am open about what my struggles were, and allow them to talk about it with me. I apologise and recognise my faults. I donât hide the past in toxic shame. c. I believe that I am showing them people can change. People can struggle and improve.
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Morning here on the start of day 10. Feeling super tired today, all I want to do is curl up in bed and get more sleep. But there is that pesky thing called work lol. Despite being tired, Iâm in a pretty good mood today. Starting to feel more normal again and am looking forward to a weekend with some nice weather. Iâm looking forward to getting outside to do something, even just a nice walk.
Have a great day everyone.
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