Well you’re doing everything you can and I’m sorry it can be frustrating. He’s lucky to have you as a mom 
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Yes Mike!!! Way to go!!! Proud of you 
keep at it!
Acceptance is the answer. Sometimes we aren’t meant to figure out who we are immediately. That’s just life, but if you are fighting that fact it’s always going to lead to unrealistic expectations. I’m a far different person now than I was at 1 year sober, or two years sober. Or even 4 years sober.
It’s not just about going through the steps, it’s about practicing them daily. It’s not about going to therapy, it’s about learning how to use the tools. It’s not about what I’ve done, it’s about what I’m going to do tomorrow.
I don’t respond much, but I have read your posts. You telegraph your relapses starting about a month in advance. I don’t speak up because you don’t seem open to suggestions. But if your relapses are that easy for me to see they probably are for you too. This relapse didn’t start with you going to the store to get chew. It started when you became restless, irritable and discontent. So the real thing is figuring out why. I have some ideas, but that’s something you need to arrive at on your own.
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I promise to try to make the best of today! 
I am the master of MY mind… 
Breathe, smile, detach…
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Girl I am so happy to see you are moving along in your recovery and that you have 77 days!! I haven’t been checking in but yayyyy 
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Awe Flannery!!! How are you?! Thanks for the support longest I have been clean for quite some time and it feels amazing to live life with a clear head! I’ve been having a rough few days bit it too shall pass. How are you? What’s new with you?! If I remember correctly u were going into school? Hope I remembered right haha
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Evening Check In
Day 78
Today has been one hell of a day. One damn thing after another happened. And every event that happened was testing my patience. And when I look back at it, some of these events were sooo miniscule in the grand scheme of things (like not having tim hortons iced coffee available). I’m still mentally trying to deal with the argument hubby and I had 2 days ago. Lots of negative self talk which I’ve been challenging constantly. And then Ive been having these expectations of my hubby to just acknowledge or appreciate or be more affectionate to me and yet I have to ask for a hug (which I did today bcuz I needed one… so I asked and he did give me one). I’m just hurting inside but my hurt is caused by my expectations of others. I create most/if not all of my problems in life today. I have prayed and asked my HP to guide me and to help me drop these expectations. But then I caught myself getting mad at my HP and asking why my life has constantly been a damn struggle. Like when is it my effin turn to have things run smooth lol and then I apologize for being angry and do a gratitude list bcuz things could ALWAYS be worse. But it’s a reoccurring issue. My hubby doesnt even ask me about day and often criticizes the things I do or choices I make, when in reality I am just doing the best I can. Doesn’t take interest in my recovery milestones… nothing. So I stopped bringing it up when I reach one. I need to learn how to stop having expectations of people. I did a gratitude list today and am using everything I know to keep me from sinking. The Dr said I could go up on my meds by .5mg, and I thot about starting it tonight. Idk. I’ve always been told that I’m alot to handle or get asked if I’ve taken my meds bcuz I’m “unstable”, but just bcuz I do have a mental health concern and take meds doesn’t mean I can’t have a hard or stressful day. I am human and have emotions like everyone else. My hubby doesn’t know what to do when I’m upset (he’s a “fixer”) so he gets frustrated with me for feeling like I do. So instead I often just keep it to myself and deal with stuff on my own and that creates a sense of loneliness. BUT, I am clean and sober and I do have a strong connection to my HP. And that in itself has given me such strength. I know it doesn’t sound like it when I vent like this but I haven’t had this kind of inner strength in decades… if ever actually. So like I always do… I keep showing up for my recovery and keep staying connecting. Things always change and I know this will change too! ODAAT
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I sit here watching your days go up and it never fails to make me smile, I’m so proud of you right now. 
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U made me cry and smile all at the same time right now! Thank you!!! U have no idea how badly I loved reading this! I needed this hugs!!!
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Checking in sober day 2. Heading to bed clean and I am thankful for that. Happy 24 everyone.
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Day 199
Day 5 no caffeine
Went for an hour walk at the park. Staying busy with work and the kiddos.
Have a great night everyone!
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1061
Coffee. Very early check in as I woke up at 4 am and I couldn’t sleep no more. Not sure why, some anxiousness about my new job maybe, having an outtake talk with one of the schema therapists later today might have something to do with it, thinking about my friend who broke up with me, dunno. Might try to nap later.
One thing I’m sure about is not going to help is using anything. Just for today I’m sober and clean and hope and except the same from all of you. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Pic is from the flower garden close to my current workplace. One place I’ll miss when I change jobs. Love from Amsterdam.
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Night checkin
Day 2.75 AF trying this sober thing again. Its funny im scared to declare im an addict but i can relate so hard to these posts and my mind is finding any excuse to drink. Husbands pissed off…i need a drink. Out of gas i just filled up sunday…i need a drink. Just one, yeah right mind…you lie. When will i grow up and man up and declare i am addicted? Maybe not today but hey i didnt drink. One day at a time
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Sorry to hear about your day… One thing after another…I know what thats like. I had a day similar.
I’m really sorry to hear that your hubby isn’t able to show his interested/support in your milestones. Your are doing amazing! It’s also hard when your partner wants to “fix” things. Have you asked him for what you need? Sometimes (mostly always) I have to actually explain to my husband that I’m about to share my feelings with him, but I just want him to listen without giving advice and that I would really like a hug. Would he listed if you said you want to share how your feeling and you just want to sit with your feelings without trying to change them? That’s what we are all learning to do isn’t it? I know that learning to accept and actually feel my feelings is what’s really helping my recovery. I’m glad you can share your feelings here❤️
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I truly enjoy your shares. I relate to a lot of the things that you post. Keep collecting those days! You got this boo! 
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You’re here! That counts for something. The more you relate, the easier you may find to just say “I have an addiction”.
That’s how it was for me anyway
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Rounding off day 17. Nothing really to report today… just feels like a continuation of yesterday. Nothing a long hot shower, a cup of decaf coffee and a dark chocolate salted caramel couldn’t fix. Goodnight lovlies 
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You are such a fighter and show up every single day, regardless what tries to get in your way. I am so proud of your courage and how you face every challenge. Sending hugs and blessings
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