I think that’s the main point actually. I think you’re a clever good looking guy who’s taking care of his two awesome daughters and your mum. And works his ass off to be better than what his surroundings wants him to be. You’re struggling like hell to rise above all the shit that’s going down all around you, every day of the year, your small town lowlife drugs and alcohol infused old “friends”, all the stuff that’s bringing you down. Working hard to make something of your life. You’re doing awesome. It’s only that you have to learn to see that yourself. Some treatment is just what you need I feel. Love you man.
14 Likes
Getting ready to head into day 19 in a couple hours. Today was easier, and I wasn’t in a mood like I have been for the last 2 days. I’m going to blame PMS for fueling the attitude problem, for not allowing myself a drink to “feel better” about my moody uterus. TBH, I didn’t even know I suffered from PMS bc I’ve been numbed up on booze for years and years… wonder when It started 
welp! That’s a thing I know about myself now… gonna have to pay attention to that next month. Anywho, today was pretty good. Took the kiddo to school, went to work. Did payroll this am and gave out a couple raises for some hardworking fellas, that felt good. Caught up on a lot of other paperwork, and left work feeling accomplished. Got my kiddo from school and shopped the book fair before we left campus. She got 6 new books to read, and a super cool secret spy pen lolol, she’s very excited. Got home. Ate some leftovers. Watered my plants. Built a TV stand for my daughter’s room and got that corner all fixed up for her. Looks good!! Then I took a long hot shower by candle light while listening to some music and washed my hair! Today, the cravings were almost non existent. Like I thought about alcohol, but didn’t think about drinking it if that makes sense. So I would have to say that I’m proud of me today. I didnt do everything I set out to accomplish, the things I didn’t do can be done tomorrow, and the things I did do will make for a better tomorrow. So id call that a win!!!
Goodnight sober lovlies 
18 Likes
1062
Coffee. No therapy Thursday today. It’s over. Kind of scary that I’m on my own again, although it’s great to have the day to myself. Think I’ll go for a little ride. Didn’t do that for a couple of weeks. Sober and clean.
I did have a outtake talk with one of the therapists yesterday. We agreed there’s some of my stuff left untouched by the schema therapy I just did. Stuff having to do with sexual abuse as a kid. We discussed possibilities of treatment for that and she told me to get a book dealing with the issue. Reading it now, breathlessly. Read half last night and will finish the rest later today. So much recognition it’s unnerving. But it’s also giving me hope that I can finally deal with that part of me as well.
Without my sobriety nothing of this would’ve been happening. Without you all I would not have been sober. Forever grateful and forever in your debt. Let’s have as good a day as we all can. One day at a time. Clean and sober. Pic is from my recent trip to the Czech Republic. Love from Luna and me.
25 Likes
23 days love you all have a good day everyone 
15 Likes
We are all different Mike, even with all our similarities!
It is hard when we build up these layers of hatred for ourselves. It just adds an extra set of things to unpick. And that is so draining. I have also struggled with self image and I don’t really know how I got out of that place. Over time I just really started believing that what other people think of me, particularly how I look, really is not my problem. I’m not the one who has to look at me 
Also that the way we look is the least interesting thing about us. Like it’s cool when people are gorgeous and have a really awesome sense of style etc… But is that really all I want to aspire to? Or what I want at all?
What I really want is to have love and light in my life, and to be able to share that with others. That’s something I can look for whatever I look like, whatever people think of me, however dysfunctional my relationships feel. It starts inside me and hopefully, eventually, radiates outwards to benefit people I care about (maybe also people that I don’t!). On bad days that might be as small as listening to a bird or a song I like, closing my eyes and feeling the air on my skin, or being tucked up cosy and warm in bed.
I’m not in that bad place right now and I’m not sure how I got from there to here. But here I am. It’s crazy to think that for so many years I just wished I was dead and now I feel almost optimistic for the future. I couldn’t imagine that happening, but it has.
I agree with @Englishd that acceptance is super important. We can only start where we are! And nothing about the future is certain. I came at this through the Buddhist philosophy route but I know AA and therapy usually have similar conclusions.
Keep going mate, you will get there 
15 Likes
In my experience, that’s all you really need to do - as hard and frightening as it can be.
7 Likes
I can remember after my 20 weeks of CBT stopped I felt a bit weird, like what next… So I can only imagine how it feels after so long! That’s good that you’ve addressed those next steps with the therapist. And got a book that you can relate to.
For now enjoyingI don’t know if it’s comparable but I found the lessons from CBT kept popping up months after finishing. So no rush 
the time you get back sounds like a good plan. Hope the sun is shining for you 
5 Likes
@siand I love your attitude about appearance. I’m going to try and focus on your idea that this shouldn’t really be all we aspire to today instead of what I normally do whichbis panic about my weight. I always put on weight when I manage to stop drinking. But I guess if I stick at it long enough it will regulate in time. It scares me though that the scales can actually induce a craving in me to drink if I feel being sober is leading me to gain weight. I know it’s ridiculous but I can’t help it. Silly.
Day 9 for me. Happy to wake up sober today. Have a good day everyone
8 Likes
Wow, how exciting! Congratulations 
You are having a brilliant week! Will you go to the final?
2 Likes
Massive congratulations! I know it hasn’t been easy but you have persevered and worked really hard. Hope you have a lovely sober weekend to celebrate 
60 days, great job!
Love this, absolutely spot on
1 Like
Check in before bed on day 3. I feel like I really need to make big changes in my life career-wise within the next year but the thought of change and the unkown equally terrifies me. Still trying to cope with my Mom’s dementia and being on intermittent leave to help with care. One thing I know for sure is alcohol is straight up poison and a lie. I wrote a goodbye letter to booze today and that felt damn good. ODAAT 
13 Likes
My weight has fluctuated loads over the years (drinking and not drinking) so I guess I have got used to that. My skin is pretty bad (drinking and not drinking) and I used to be so self conscious about it. Spent so much money trying different things and also time worrying. What a waste! If someone is going to judge me and dismiss me purely based on the way I look then fuck them 
Unless you are already very very overweight I would think that putting on a few lbs in the short term is much less of an issue than drinking over the long term. Focusing on health in the broadest sense is important I think. That’s so much more than a number on the scales or a clothes size. And for me at least that starts with understanding myself… What am I really worried about or afraid of?
I used to really struggle with the idea of acceptance vs complacency. Like if I accept myself as I am, what’s the incentive to change? But now that I feel more acceptance for myself, I also realise that change is always happening, so it’s up to me to work out which changes are in my control (i.e. my own thoughts and actions) and then choose what to do with that information. Finding self acceptance is the first step to making changes that give me a decent chance of going in the direction I want to, rather than in a direction set by my neuroses and emotional responses which inevitably ends up being more chaotic and difficult.
9 Likes
I read this article yesterday, I thought it was a good piece generally on the nature of change but it is literally about changing jobs, ha, so sharing it here in case it’s helpful to you
3 Likes
Day 632
Went to a fun ramen restaurant in a double decker bus. The dishes were half price, so MASSIVE queue, we waited an hour and a half, but the kids were chuffed in the end. Lots of UK memorabilia, etc, and we managed to sit on the top deck. My daughter plans to work there in the future .
I don’t know if stress or the cat waking me, but I have a coldsore. I haven’t had one since I quit drinking, I used to get one every few months, I wondered if sober I would avoid them altogether. Luckily, Japan is still 100% masked up, so no-one is any the wiser.
19 Likes
Hey everyone! Checking in day 4. Didn’t get much sleep. Was up late doing a bunch of stuff and had to get up early to do more. I still have so much to do for work before I end up leaving for vacation. It is really stressing me out right now. Not in a way I want to drink, just feeling like I am going to end up missing something before I leave. I just need to remind myself to take a few small breaks every now and then to calm myself down. Then I can let myself relax a bit when I make it on that plane.
Have a great day everyone!
16 Likes
Hey all, checking in on day 690. I hope everybody has a good one!
20 Likes
Day 169
Just checking in. Hope everyone is having a wonderful day!
18 Likes
Just checking in Day 9 sober feeling constant despair depression guilt over so much pain n harm I’ve caused my family over the years have had law problems due to drinking and recently caused another one and with all pending etc lawyers etc just overwhelms me at times in between praying and crying and praying and crying I have a few close friends I call in AA and attending zoom online meetings and I’m doing the right thing now finally accepting and surrendering but it all really gets me down I’m living minute by minute and I’ll be alcohol free the rest of my life I have to it’s caused so many character defects in me and now I need God to fix me.
18 Likes