Checking in
Day 80
While out running errands, I had a thought cross my mind that I havent felt since the very beginning of recovery. I got this wave of overwhelming fear over being clean and sober the rest of my life. Like wtf was that?! Completely out of no where… this thought came and then I got so anxious and scared about being clean that i wanted to use for a brief second. Like why would I ever think that?! I have experienced 80 days of complete abstinence from all mind altering substances and it has truly been a crazy but incredible journey! I should be more scared of relapse and continuing using on to my grave or to a mental institution bcuz honestly those 2 where the most realistic outcomes for me. The mind is a sneaky one I tell u. And this thought right here reminds me of how cunning, baffling, and powerful addiction is and how important it is for me to do my daily recovery tasks to stay on top of it. Anyway, I’m heading home now. Decided to stop by a park and enjoy the outdoors for a bit. Drink some coffee and relax 
I had a work function tonight where I was offered wine. I was mentally prepared for that and I graciously declined. I had sparkling water instead. Now I am in bed, sober, and checking in day 328. Big win for me.
Great insight! Congratulations on 80 days!
Where are you off to?
Hope you have a great trip 
Congratulations!! Sorry your team aren’t doing so well. Hope the rest of your day is better.
Checking in. Day 125ish. Realize that I really don’t enjoy being around catty people / gossips/pot stirrers. That was yesterday. Today, after picking my sweet pea up from school, she asked to get some food. On our way leaving the store, my addict says, yeah, a Mike’s harder would be good now, wouldn’t it
Instead of telling the addict (what should it’s name be? hmm) to eff off, I sat it down and told it, look, here’s what would happen if you drank. It’s shit. Will always be shit, so just stop. It’s not going to happen.
Our dynamics seem to have changed somewhat in the past week or so on the app, but I think of you all daily! < 3
( sorry @Seb , didn’t mean to tag you, too lazy to start over… lol)
Hi guys just saying thank you for the love support and understanding. It’s day 4 and I’m definitely still out of it. Still tired, but went for a little walk with autumn and she rode her bike I tried to stick to most the back roads I could it was very uncomfortable and I just wasn’t focused in the moment again worrying about me and my looks, walked by a couple windows and tried not to look at them. Tried to understand how truly grateful I am and to be working towards my sobriety. Messaged my old sponsor to make sure meetings were still tonight and he said yes so I’ll be attending that at 8. Saw a girl when we were walking as well and I kept playing In my head how pretty she was and idk it just made me feel disgusting. I want to stop all of this
Congrats on day 4, you are doing the work every day!
Please try to be a bit more loving about appearance or looks, I’ve also struggled with that yet I am getting much better at it, could also be that I’m getting older and careless
Here to listen if needed
Alcohol is shit, agreed
I wish to keep that in my head at all times 
I’m really proud of you Mike! Ur getting those days back ODAAT! The mind can be soo exhausting… I hear u on this… and half the time I don’t even know why it focuses on certain things. I struggle with body image also. Especially now cuz I’ve put on weight and there’s features about myself that I don’t necessarily like… BUT… lately I have been really trying to focus on the things that I do like about my body and to appreciate what my body IS capable of doing. I just went thru a period of some serious awful things that I was saying to myself. I would never dare talk to someone else like that, so why do we do it ourselves? And I had to remind myself that my body (as much as I don’t necessarily like certain features) is a wonderful entity bcuz it has gotten me here thru all the drugs and alcohol and abuse and neglect that I put myself thru. And I am able to function and get from point A to point B with ease. Our bodies can change. It is not permanent and by staying clean and sober we have that chance to improve many areas of our lives. Things are always changing. Your mind is probably still recovering too from ur slip so be patience and gentle with urself. Ur human Mike and all we can do is just try to take the next right action. Enjoy ur mtg tonight!
Ah well, hopefully Forest gain promotion and my 2 teams will be in the top flight
Wow!!! Congratulations!!! Proud of you and your 4 months!!! 
Fingers crossed for that. I love when Watford are in the PL for the same reason.
1466
While reading the Basic Text today, something really stood out to me. It really describes me as an addict. For us, addiction is an obsession to use the drugs that are destroying us, followed by a compulsion that forces us to continue. That is such a powerful phrase and describes an addict better than anything I have seen so far. People without the disease of addiction/alcoholism don’t have to worry about obsessing and compulsion. They use/drink, they stop and that’s it. For us, we can’t stop. Once we start, it’s like the ignition switch has been broken and we can’t shut it off. There is no moderation. Again, it is like a throttle that has been opened fully and then stuck in that position. We use until we run out or pass out, we drink until we blackout, then start the madness all over again. That is why I will never be able to use again, EVER It’s why I’ll never substitute one drug for another. Why even though I never had a problem with alcohol, I’ll never drink again, because it will open the door to obsession and compulsion with alcohol.
NEVER CRAVE ALONE
Checking in day 37 
finally made it to Friday. Hope everyone has a great day x
Thank you, Alycia! And hell yeah, looking back day 37 was tender times for me. Still enjoying those sober “firsts” at day 127–Have a fab weekend
95AF,6 PMO free.
First day at my new job today, was nervous but I have chill colleagues and it went pretty well. I’m so glad I’m still PMOF/AF, I feel more confident and a little proud. Hope to keep it going and grow/better myself. ODAAT!
Thankful for this app and community, have a good day/evening everyone
So true!!! Powerful phrase indeed! I can relate to that statement also. I never had an issue with alcohol either but I know that any mind altering substance will release that obsession all over again. That’s why moderation never worked for me or harm reduction approaches never worked for me (it does for some and thats fine but for me it doesnt). I tried to substitute my DOC with “less harmful” drugs, only to return to my DOC at full force. The only way for me, is to be free from everything.
Yeah addiction is a disease, you can’t choose what you are or aren’t addicted to. My clinic strongly advised / basically ‘forbids’ me to take any drugs at all. I’ve never really smoked weed but If I were too I’d be very likely to get hooked right away. I don’t want to take that chance.