I totally feel you on this. One thing I’ve noticed though is that because I can’t just have a drink and turn myself off that I’ve actually been super aware of other things that help “take me away”. Like the huge branches on the fur tree out my window blowing in the wind and the sound of the chimes on my patio. I’m lying here alone on the couch in almost complete silence feeling the rise and fall of my breathe. I’m feeling a bit sick though, and I do wish I could escape this feeling.
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I hope you feel better today! 
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This Miranda was such a beautiful post! I really enjoyed reading this 
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personally these days I ask myself can I accept whatever situation I’m in, if the answer is no then what can I do to change it. If I can’t change it I better get used to the fact I don’t control everything anymore and I don’t have to.
So we’re back to accepting it but with the mental tool that sobriety brings nothing ever seems to be as bad as I used to make it.
Breathing is such a simple yet effective way to settle the mind, I used to meditate quite often but have not done it for ages. I need to change this. Hope your sick feeling passes, everything does 
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Lost, as in “I forgot how many” or lost as in “I slipped” ?
Day 122 AF
Yesterday showed me how easily one can falter. I have been out for dinner countless times in recent months without issue but last night we were at a restaurant and minutes after being seated I just froze. Alcohol was everywhere and people ‘seemed’ to be having such a wonderful time that I instantly felt like I was missing out and needed to join them. I’m so glad I was with good company that I could discuss my feelings with or I think I may have slipped. The feelings dissipated within a few minutes but I was stunned at the fact that I was completely overwhelmed. Anyway, onwards and upwards odaat
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I just got past 3 months a few days ago without alcohol. Wow, my life has really turned around. But last night I had a bad bout of loneliness and started throwing some things around in my room. I finally settled down and felt really stupid. I get really frustrated with myself when the self-pity starts. The silver lining I found this morning was that I didn’t even think about running to the liquor store. So I got to think about how lucky I am to be alive and have the life I do. I like to think of a line from a song I once heard when I start wishing I had certain things: “The days I keep my gratitude above my expectations, those are good days”.
Anyway, thank you all for being here. You are a great help.
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Well wishes your way. Take care of yourself! 
I relapsed last night at a party.
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You’re here now dear Jenna. Your days are not lost just as long as you make sure it was just the one time. One day at a time for all of us friend. I’m glad you are here being accountable. Tells me you want to be sober. I’m telling you you can be. It’s you at the helm. I know alcohol wants to make you feel something different but it’s a lie. All booze and drugs tell is lies. 100%. Hang with us. Big big hugs.
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1065
Coffee. Finished the book last night on the sexual abuse of kids and what happens after. Never been so shaken by a book in my life. Afterwards I had a much better night of sleep. I feel rested for the first time in weeks.
Next it’s time to think about what to do with what I’ve read. Already joined an online community for survivors of sexual abuse but it doesn’t seem very active. I guess I can do with some more specific therapy. Together with peer support. I can’t do it alone. I learned that right here.
Maybe I’ll just take it easy today. Pet Luna. Eat some good food. Watch cycling and football on TV. Rest and recover. Just for Today. Have as good a Sunday as you all can friends. Make it sober and clean because that’s the only way for all of us. Love from Kaatje’s garden where I had coffee together with cute Sid yesterday.
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Goodmorning,
What a sweet cat and a very nice picture. Have a nice Sunday Menno enjoy it. The options you mentioned for today sounds good. Take it slow and think about how you want to proceed. Let it land peacefully. You certainly don’t have to do it alone 
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Ai 
But, as said above, those days are not lost. They are still there as days of recovery.
Today is just a next day on that road.
And you’re still here, checking in immediately. So you’ll be fine, you can do this !
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Sorry to hear this, friend. Was it a slip or a full blown relapse? I don’t want to give you glib phrases as I know you know them. I do have you in my heart, and hope you can move on from this as smoothly as possible.
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Hey all, checking in on day 693. I hope everybody has a good one!
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…1507…happy mother’s day to all the mothers. Taking Ms. Monkey out to breakfast. Then to Homedepot to by supplies for her deck project. Finishing off with buying plants for a vegtable garden.
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Day 635
Had usual AA meeting. Talked about the daily reflection which was about the fifth step today. I talked about how when I did the 5th step my sponsor was able to notice and clarify defects that I had not noticed. Perhaps because today is Mother’s Day, I talked about how my sponsor had pointed out that my behaviour had been ‘neglectful‘ in regard to my kids, and how it had made me cry, and it made me cry in the meeting again too. At least I am not that mother anymore. Quite a somber end to Mother’s day, but gotta own your past.
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Checking in on exactly 1 year sober. 365 days ago was a very rough day in my relationship with my wife. Today will without a doubt be a better mother’s day. Up before the kiddos were so I can have some coffee and guide them through making breakfast for the glue that keeps our home together. Have a great day everyone. It’s an incredibly great day to be above ground and sober.
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