Congratulations 
Happy 11 months to you! Super excited and proud of you!!
1 Like
Check in- Day 3
I went to see a clinician about an Intensive Outpatient Program this morning. I have had 2 relapses recently. As I entered, I was required to do a drug test. I was a little nervous. The results came back positive for Benzodiazepines. I have been on Ativan for anxiety. I have been on Ativan for 5 years.
As a result, I did not qualify for the Intensive Outpatient Program. What I learned from the clinician is that Ativan breaks down the same as alcohol and that my reliance on Ativan is VERY concerning.
Based on my discussion, I immediately set up an appointment with my psychiatrist to finally be honest with him about my alcohol use and the need to get off Ativan. I have come to the conclusion that I have been addicted to both Ativan and alcohol. I really didnāt think that my reliance on Ativan was just as concerning as my addiction to alcohol.
I am scared and wearisome.
Nonetheless, I am going to hit this head on! Iām going to exercise today and attend a AA meeting. Iām going to be honest with my psychiatrist and reduce/eliminate Ativan. Ativan is a main contributor for me to not obtain sobriety. I am going to have the WILLPOWER to get through this difficult time. God is with me and God will provide my the strength as long as I am obedient. I want this so bad. I donāt want to be addicted to Ativan nor alcohol,
On the job front, things have slowed down tremendously. My network is dry and I am just waiting to here back on if I make it to the next round of interviews. I MUST trust God during this time.
Writing this post has been very helpful. Please keep me in your thoughts as I face the biggest challenge of my life: Facing Addiction and new Employment. As it says in The Promises, I shall have no fear of people nor fear of economic insecurity. AA and this forum continues to help me take a more proactive and step forward in my sobriety.
I am scared, but grateful for this community. I can achieve sobriety and freedom from Ativan!
Thank you for your support and encouragement.
29 Likes
Checking in on day 368. Getting in a great workout at the moment before I take a statistics test this afternoon and do some lawn work after. Have a great day everyone. Itās a great day to be above ground and sober.
17 Likes
Beautiful picture-Yhank you for sharing.
1 Like
Congratulations Drew! You inspire me and show me that sobriety can be obtained.
1 Like
Just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts. Dealing with this issue is very difficult. I hope that you can get support very soon. Iām so sorry.
1 Like
Wooooohooooo!!!
11 months of recovery congrats Drew.
2 Likes
Iām very effing proud of you.
2 Likes
Youāre post Michael made me incredibly happy! I am SOOO proud of you! You obviously have done alot of thinking and I am feeling positive things about your choices!!! Proud of you!!
4 Likes
Morning Check In
Day 86
Really had an amazing workout this morning. Made sweat cry thatās for sure 
Today consists of cleaning, vision board making, prayer and daily readings, dreamcatcher making and just enjoying this beautiful day!
Hope everyone has an addiction free day!
20 Likes
Day 10 alcohol and weed free. Im feeling hopeful this morning. I love it when i wake up before my alarm blares. Got a shower in and just chillin with Boscoe and sippin my coffee. Now to apply to a few more jobsā¦
18 Likes
Update I got a voicemail and the non profit wants to hire me!!! Im over the moon! Ive been out of work since march 2nd. God is good!
10 Likes
Iām really sorry to hear about you gf (ex) blocking you. I was ghosted once in a past relationship (I identify as queer/lesbian) and it was very confusing and upsetting. Please reach out if you ever would like to talk, you are certainly not alone 
Very happy that you made a new friend! It is nice to share experiences with those who have gone through similar tales. Do not see his accomplishments as your āfailuresā, we are all different people and cannot hold a mirror to others. If you do, you will surely be disappointed and I do not think that is fair to you.
6 Likes
It is always good and relaxing to be on the water! 
2 Likes
Thank youā¤ļø yeah logically thereās just no reason to compare myself. Nothing positive will come from that
1 Like
I couldnāt help but laugh a little cause I can relate to such silly incidents. Not fun if it happens regularly though, rather worrisome and stressful.
Some people are real assholes, not only kids but usually also their parents who got them to be that way in the first place. Thatās how it was for my bullies anyways. Hope you can find a solution for your son to make it stop. Maybe encourage your son to go to the teachers when the kids are annoying him.
Personally I stopped going to my teachers rather soon because 1. I was often misunderstood or they didnāt take the time 2. I started to think it was my own fault 3. I started to make it smaller than it was. Maybe It wouldāve helped if I asked my teacher for more help. Tough situation, canāt imagine how Iād handle it.
Good luck to you and your son 
3 Likes
Day 5 here with no weed, and I am feeling a lot better than yesterday. I woke up a little anxious (mostly due to vivid/intense dreams) but was able to center myself in a short amount of time. I had my initial assessment for an IOP (intensive outpatient program) and I feel it went well. My new therapist seems very compassionate, and is really encouraging of my progress so far.
My plan for today is to reach out to long term therapists once this IOP is done so I do not have any gaps in mental healthcare. And to get some laundry done (my least favorite chore 
). I hope everyone has a great day in sobriety!
18 Likes
Day 1007.
āAuthenticity is letting go of who you believe you should be, and accept who you really are.ā
~BrenƩ Brown
So true, but so damn hard to doā¦
But for a start and to get out of my comfort zone, I signed up for becoming an ambassador of the Dutch organisation working for male emancipation. Or, as they formulate it themselves : āOur work is about preventing violent masculinity, stimulating caring masculinity, and freeing men from traditional masculinity. We are trying to achieve this by transforming norms and expectations of, and from, men.ā
So in a couple of days my face and name will be publicly on their website, speaking out for that message.
I honestly donāt know exactly why this still seems scary to me. Maybe steps like this are too big and too fast for me, but by not taking steps we never get where we want to be.
And I know where I want to be. Authentically me.
20 Likes
2days done and doing great, coming up on a Thursday I have to focus and get past this day. Thursday is a trigger day for me.
13 Likes