@bigbear support from my loved ones for me is a big help and motivator to stay the course and maintain my sobriety. If he would dump you for it, then that isn’t being supportive and he most likely hasn’t truly processed or dealt with that trauma on his own, which could be problematic in a different way too. If you have to hide parts of yourself from someone, then the relationship is destined for failure…
@butterflymoonwoman I’m loving all the positive vibes in your posts lately!! You are grabbing sobriety by the balls and making it work for you! Proud of you! Next time hubby gives you a hard time, give him a purple nurple (haha jk)
@matt it sounds like a lot of good and scary things are happening for you! Owning a business is scary, my father and I own one thats been in the family for a really long time. Its stressful running it, I couldn’t imagine starting it from the ground up!! You most def are not alone man, keep powering through.
@maxwell glad you didnt drink, sorry you don’t feel that great tho, tomorrow is a new day, and regardless of how you feel, you survived today and ended it sober!
@hillbillychris I’m so sorry to hear about your loss!!! Sending you and your wife mental strength and love through this. Keep checking in, and take care of wifey and self
@mno Love the compliments you got from your manager! I’m still kinda new here, but I love your posts. They help me as much as others have helped you! So thank you!
Good evening all, rounding off day 26. Overall it was a pretty good day. I did bring it up in therapy today about not telling my mom, who is also in and out of recovery, that I decided to take the steps to sobriety until I was 3 weeks in, and I realized its because I didn’t want her to feel bad about not taking better care of her sobriety. She knew moving was going to be hard, not as hard as it ended up being, but still, not easy. And she didn’t set up her support like we discussed before she left, and she failed. So I’ve decided that I’m going to talk about my sobriety, and use lots of I statements when talking about it, not bringing hers into the conversation unless she wants to. With the hope that she will be motivated by me rather than shame on her. She loves to beat herself up tho so we will see…
Kiddo was sick for the last few days so I’ve been working half from the office and half from home. She was well enough to go back to school this am, so my day was pretty normal. drop her off, work, pick her up, home. Got home and did some more work in my backyard. Finished planting some new plants I picked up over the weekend, hung up some lights and still have a few more things to do back there before I will call it done! My kiddo mustve been tired from school bc while I was hanging up lights, she took herself to bed and has been asleep ever since! Made some turkey tenderloins, roasted brussel sprouts, carrots and potatoes for dinner. cleaned up the kitchen. Fed the doggos. took a shower and now Im just catchin up with yall and listening to some chill R&B sittin in my room in candlelight! I enjoy the nights when boyfriend is working, i get the house to myself (minus my kiddo, his kiddos are with their mom during his work part of the week) and its quite peaceful. Its like I have joint custody of the humans I live with lolol, boyfriend is a bartender so he works an opposite schedule from myself for half the week, so I’m feelin a whole vibe right now, and its very relaxing. What a good and productive day! And I did it sober! Goodnight lovlies!
Day 72 of no self harm eating disorder trigger warning
Been hanging out with my VR friend for several hours every day. I love it, but I think I’m kinda using it as a distraction/excuse to not take care of myself. I’m not showering, I’m not eating anything but hard candy to keep my blood sugar up. I think the biggest thing I’ve eaten in 3 days is some goldfish. I used to regularly starve myself for days so I’m way more comfortable not eating than I should be. I haven’t done that in years, and I’m not fully starving myself now I guess. I felt pretty bad physically yesterday but today I feel mostly fine. I stop feeling hungry after a certain point and I think I’ve reached that point. I know I should eat something and I know this isn’t good, but at the same time I would happily fall back into my old ways if it meant losing weight.
I’m doing ok despite how it seems. I know they’re unhealthy but my thoughts about food are so normal that they’re not distressing. It’s just a casual thing to me. I’ve been like this since I was 8.
Something positive: I’ve laughed so much these last few days
Oh gosh Chris, I am so sorry to hear this news. There are no words that I can say, but know that you don’t have to go through this pain alone. We are all here to walk beside you. Keep checking in.
Sending you and your wife so much love and support.
I am so sad to hear you are not looking after ur physical body properly. Do meals occur in your house? I am also sad ur family is not noticing u are not eating. You need more than empty calories to fuel ur body and soul
The only routine meal is dinner but no one really eats together. Someone just makes a meal and then everyone takes the food back to their room. I haven’t eaten a dinner my family has made in so many years though. It’s not really noticed or even offered anymore. No one asks if I want dinner because I almost always refuse. I don’t think I ever really recovered from my eating disorder, I just started to eat enough that I could function. Now I’m just not eating anything until I absolutely have to
Checking in at day 255.
Today I have an extra day off. I kind of forced myself to take time off. My work allows me to schedule my own shifts. That gave me a lot of freedom in the beginning, but since day 1 of my sobriety it gives me the opportunity to plan all my hours with work. But recently I have realized that recovering means that you have to take good care of yourself in all ways and not be too hard on yourself. That won’t work if I’m just working. Although be at work felt good, I shouldn’t do that so much. And that also says enough that it feels good to work a lot. On this day off I even felt resistance at first and kept looking at open shifts like oohh I could have taken those few hours. No, not! In the end I surrendered, went for a walk, read and there are still plenty of fun and relaxing things planned for today. To some this step may sound a bit silly or simple but I really had to put in the effort but now that I have the insight I will keep it in. I really feel kind of lighter and more relaxed, wonderful!
@Stan8162 Congratulations on your 11 months. Great prestation
@SoberWalker I understand your concern of your child. My son is 15 years old and with 2 addicted parents he should have the genes you would think. But he just hates drugs. Of course I keep a close eye on everything. All we can do is educate our children about the consequences and lead them. What I remember from that age is that I mainly got carried away with what other children were doing, so I also teach my son that it is good to think about what you want so that he can form his own opinion.
@SadMemeQueen I hope you can build up some kind of eating pattern because as you say yourself, this is unhealthy. If I understand correctly, there are no people in your house trying to motivate you. Even if you feel resistance try to eat a small amount 1 or 2 times a day until you eat something 3 times a day at fixed times. Then try to increase the amount by 1 bite per day. Just take it easy. Not eating can make you feel so queasy.
@HillbillyChris I’m so sorry about what happened. I have no words for it. I wish you and your wife a lot of strength
@Tragicfarinelli Happy birthday. You did well, you should be proud
Good morning , isn’t that the truth! It’s definitely not easy but completely worth it. It’s when your at the level of comfort and ease, it’s when your happy and everything is going just fine… When you’ve had a long day at work, or just spending time with the people you love… that’s when the enemy sneaks into your mind and tells you “ man it would be nice to have a cold drink or you worked hard all day let’s relax, just one won’t hurt or you could probably handle a few!” LIES all LIES!!! Don’t fall for it this disease wants me dead and will do anything to trick me back into my self destructive ways. Stay vigilant and protect your spirit against the evil forces that plague… seriously tho it’s not when things are going bad that I think of a drink it’s when things are good! I just take deep breaths and think that first drink ALL the way through and by the time I get to the end of those thoughts I’m in tears because I know EXACTLY where it will take me and I drop to my knees asking my GOD to take the burden of being powerless and to give me the strength, wisdom and understanding to carry me through those times I’m most Vulnerable. Have a blessed day and don’t give up anything is better than fighting those demons daily… fight the good fight with a clear head and your feet in front of you!
You are so right! It is the moments when things are going well that we have to pay attention to ourselves and be alert to dark voices. The fact that you are aware of it is very good really because of that you can tackle a part of that problem because it no longer overwhelms you
, how upsetting for both of you.
, isn’t that the truth! It’s definitely not easy but completely worth it. It’s when your at the level of comfort and ease, it’s when your happy and everything is going just fine… When you’ve had a long day at work, or just spending time with the people you love… that’s when the enemy sneaks into your mind and tells you “ man it would be nice to have a cold drink or you worked hard all day let’s relax, just one won’t hurt or you could probably handle a few!” LIES all LIES!!! Don’t fall for it this disease wants me dead and will do anything to trick me back into my self destructive ways. Stay vigilant and protect your spirit against the evil forces that plague… seriously tho it’s not when things are going bad that I think of a drink it’s when things are good! I just take deep breaths and think that first drink ALL the way through and by the time I get to the end of those thoughts I’m in tears because I know EXACTLY where it will take me and I drop to my knees asking my GOD to take the burden of being powerless and to give me the strength, wisdom and understanding to carry me through those times I’m most Vulnerable. Have a blessed day and don’t give up anything is better than fighting those demons daily… fight the good fight with a clear head and your feet in front of you! 
doggie!!! 