Day 14. Had a good meeting at St Joe’s this morning, my original councilor went on vacation, so I zoomed with another lady but still I went down to the facility to get out of the house. She was nice, understanding and approachable. Commended me on my honesty said she doesn’t even know me but it’s her favorite thing about me, it feels nice to one on one with someone and get it all out. I do this on here as well, and In a.a meetings but realizing sometimes I over share. But she helped me work on some goals today, and other things I could work in as well, so it was a good appointment. I’m doing good, my ex finally did come get the girls yesterday and I know when I’m venting on here it probably seems jees Mike relax or like I’m mad. I wasn’t mad we didn’t fight didn’t argue yes I tried bringing the girls to her but I wasn’t mad, me and Addie ended up going for a bike ride by ourselves and boy I was so proud of my girl, she climbed a bunch of steep hills all by her self and is finally learning her brakes going down and just seriously nailed it. I made sure she knew how proud I was and she is so cute just waving and yelling hey to everyone, stopping and is like hiiiii I’m on a bike ride with my daddy. They always get me into conversations and honestly help me with my anxiety, walk up to ppl and just give them hugs and I love it they aren’t shy and it makes me feel like ok Mike you are doing good, your raising these girls right. I hope everyone has a good day much love
Morning Check In
Day 91
Woke up in a good mood and did an upper body workout today based off a new plan.
Got ready for my Bible Study zoom mtg and ended up leaving 15 min into it. It used to be a zoom mtg for all the ladies from back home who have been thru similar stuff as myself. I really enjoyed it. Then they started mtg in person in this group room while zoom is also present so that people out of town can attend their group. Well I couldn’t hear shit so I said that it was difficult for me and said I would try next week. I just wasn’t going to sit there for an hour and pretend like I could hear. I was polite about it tho and said I would try again next week. Anyway, I feel sad about it.
Hubby and I chatted about my interview next week. We chatted right before bed. He rarely ever talks or asks questions about my past especially when it came to youth sexual exploitation or prostitution. Those things were never talked about much. He knows me now but not me growing up and nothing about what I used to do. Not that it’s important to really go into details about it, but he was completely unaware of the stuff I had to deal with as a youth bcuz of being vulnerable and into drugs. Anyway, we sort of cuddled which we don’t normally do after that talk. It was nice.
I’m feeling alot right now. As an adult choosing to enter into prostitution was a choice yes (maybe if I was stronger back then I wouldve chose a diff path. But when ur told something for so long and have acted a certain way for so long, u kind kf sort of believe it). But there were many factors that lead me into that decision. Alot stemmed from my youth and having mental health issues and addiction issues and extremely low self esteem and being exploited. So preparing myself for this interview has brought up alot. Just pain surrounding my youth. But I am determined to make a difference. There are 12 questions to answer and I want to give input on what I needed as a youth and what would have helped me back then so that other youth back home have a greater chance to heal and live successful lives. Just emotional today.
Sometimes we just go through these phases, Kat. It’s really important that we don’t stay stuck in them. Doing in-person meetings 3x weekly is great! Is there any take-away from those to spark some motivation? Think back to when you were going to the gym often, sharing progress photos on the workout thread… what was your motivation then?
For myself, one motivation gets old and I have to quickly move on to something else so I don’t stay stuck. Remember that you’re learning, growing, and changing. Sobriety will do that for us. Congratulations on your 285 days. 
Checking in
2 years.
19 weeks.
1 day
Been so busy with the move I missed my Sunday night check in. The thing is, I been so busy with this move. First move sober. And I move a lot. I don’t know how I fit in all that time for drinking. And still got the job done. It’s nice doing it and everything else sober and calm and there’s much less chaos this way. I’ve never really thought about the lack of chaos as a benefit from being sober. I think I caused my own chaos. I use to over do everything so I could justify all my drinking. And that caused chaos. I’ll get to things when I get to things. And not schedule my life around chaos.
Congratulations to everyone still here. Coming back. Just starting. Let’s just not drink or DOC today. And see what happens. I think there will be less chaos.
Even if you’ve had a bad day, as long as you remain clean and sober through all the bullshit, then consider this day a success 
All the best for your surgery!
Very nice owl. 
Dont do it. I had a two year sober streak, had a drink and then two years later i am starting again
Wow Mike thays crazy impressive!!! I see this in ur future!
That elevation would take me out! I’m used to FL flat, 
Thanks so much for sharing, I think knowing this is just the beginning and things can and will get easier is really a great thing to start remembering
Day 34 
missed a few days been I’ll as hell 
Day 46
Meditated just a few mins ago. Checking in on all my conversations etc., so as not to do the thing and fall off the face of earth for a while. The void calls to me so much lol, ‘just reply later, or don’t at all. they’ll understand’
Also by the void I do mean that ol pal depression.
So I’m gonna keep truckin along and in spite of my urges to be a shit I’m doing my best to be better. It’s not even a bad or hard day today. In fact, I’ve resolved some big issues in my life over the weekend. It just. Took its toll on my mind somewhat and I skipped a couple of my days in this new early morning workout routine. I paid a price for that.
The slack tax comes predictably quick for me with more moods, so lesson had to be restated: remember I’m doing this even in the cases where I don’t want to at all. I’m going to have to hold myself to it.
I’m here, I’m walking my routine again today and letting shame slip away from skipping and just doing the things again
Happy Monday all
Day 9 weed free and feeling fine!
I had a great overnight trip on Saturday to go to the northern part of my state and visit my partners family. We had a nice meal out to eat and it was the first day I ate a whole meal in one sitting! I’ve been so used to having to smoke for an appetite enough to have my whole meal, so that was a big success in my books. My intense dreams are getting less intense, and I’m actually starting to wake up feeling rested. I start my IOP (intensive outpatient program) tonight and am looking forward to it’s dual focus in substance abuse and mental health, as I have had struggles with both.
I hope everyone has a great day, I’m taking them one at a time 
Hey guys. Check in day 13. Kind of busy these last few days, so I may have missed some check ins.
@Butterflymoonwoman Hey dana. Congrats on reaching the big 90 days mark. Thats a great achievement. You are doing great work. Congrats again.
Bye guys. Much love.
Awe thank you!! Congrats on ur 13 days! We got this 1 day at a time!!
@ShesGotMoxie thank you so much for your response to my post, I have never before thought of motivation changing. I guess I have to ask myself what my motivation for doing step work is (basically, it’s to help guide and transform my feelings and actions to maintain my clean time).
Thanks for mentioning those photos and posts I did in the workout thread I am going to catch up on posts because the people there really inspire and motivate me! By caring about what I wrote you too have inspired me to get back at it!
Thinking about it, my motivation for the gym is to improve my mental health through physical exercise and to keep my body in decent functional condition as I enter middle age (I’m 44). I will try to think of the gym as special ‘me’ time and self-care, which it is!
@ShesGotMoxie thank you again!
Kat
If you’re going thru hell. Keep going.
- Winston Churchill
I just heard this on my fav podcast. Thought I would share. I really dig it
Day one after breaking six months. I’m ready to recommit to my mind and physical self, and break the habit of alcohol one day at a time. I hope everyone has an amazing day! I’m so happy I found an app with community 
