Thank you, that’s nice. Can you watch their plays?
2 Likes
Hi All, checking in on Day 20, I’m amazed everyday at the new number of days sober! Still having a rough time with my RA, in the past I would have used this to drink, and it did mask a lot of pain. But I’m trying to think differently, that there’s a better way and this will pass. I’m staying positive, my faith helps me with that. And you all help me stay focused and on the right path, I’m thankful for everyone of you 
13 Likes
Hi all 
I think it’s time for me to start checking in here daily again. Have had some thoughts romanticizing drinking as the weather is turning nice and we’re engaging in more outdoor activities. I feel secure in my ability to not drink by accessing my tools, one of which is checking in. I have learned it’s okay for me to lean on some sobriety tools more when I need them - in contrast to when I would feel guilty or like I wasn’t “working my recovery” fully if I shifted my approach. Glad I was able to let that go (with the help of some of my amigos here) and grateful I can come check in while I feel like I need it! Thanks, amigos 
Let’s get another day sober in the books.
16 Likes
Day 143 AF.
Watching Queen of the South on Netflix and the drinking is ridiculous. I’m thankful I have no desire what-so-ever to ever go back to that poison. It makes the pit of my stomach burn thinking about it.
Stay strong everyone! 
Sobriety is an amazing gift we give ourselves.
14 Likes
I’m glad you’re here too. Checking in has definitely helped me. Stay strong, we all want to see you succeed!
2 Likes
59 days today 
and going strong!
15 Likes
Well good luck! I have been lucky to not have it reoccur but when I had it it lasted quite a while before it improved. I’m sorry you’re going through that! Sorry I just reread that and thought it didn’t sound very hopeful but I meant to be hopeful because I have never had it come back again and it sounds like you’re doing all the right things
1 Like
Day 640 
Have a nice day 
15 Likes
Well this morning wasn’t much better. My daughter’s going through teenage hormonal stuff and my husband does not know how to be sensitive to it so he’s quite impatient. I absorb the emotions of others which I’m trying really hard not to do because it always backfires and I don’t respond properly because I always trying to fix things. I just told my daughter if there was anything I could do to help to let me know and I just ignored my husband’s comments instead of trying to explain to him that they weren’t helping because when I try to do that in the moment it stresses everyone out including my daughter and I have to remember that their relationship is between the two of them and I can only be supported in my own way I can’t fix what’s happening between them.
10 Likes
That my friend is how my higher power speaks to me. Beautiful.
4 Likes
Thanks Dana it means a lot to me that you reached out and now I don’t feel alone with my trauma I feel another heart beating beside my own… I don’t mind saying what my traumas stem from I hope I don’t offend or trigger anyone else here
- Childhood emotional and physical abuse over my dermatillomania
- 10+years as a nurse caring for the dying and their families including some traumatic deaths and
- 8 months in hospital watching my 3-year old scream and cry through brutal chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant.
Whew that’s it not comparing it to anyone else’s but I was so deeply scarred that I turned to IV opiates to cope 6 years ago, wrong decision. It is interesting to talk to you and find out that there are times when it all lies below the surface and everything is ok, then times apparently when we are triggered and it explodes and blindsides us.
Substance use can never be the answer though I believe because that just masks the emotional pain. What we have to do I think is feel all the feels in a safe place and cry, cry, cry and process. Me anyway.
Still feeling wounded but going to do some serious searching for a trauma therapist when I get home…have heard good stuff about EMDR though I don’t quite know what it involves…
Thank you sister for reaching out we are not alone. None of us.
9 Likes
Congratulations to your 2 years milestone!
2 Likes
TBH I’m not much of a theatre lover. They do some outdoor activities each year. That’s nice.
2 Likes
Thank u for sharing… I really hear and sense so much pain in what u went thru 
Honestly… yes turning to drugs was not a great decision like u said (not just for u… but for anyone), but my God girl u were trying cope the best way u knew how. We only know what to do, based on what we are given. We only want to survive and sometimes we just do the best we can in life. I coped with various trauma and pain the same way u did. I didn’t know how to cope in healthy ways. I was never ever shown! I was in alot of distress growing up and the first drug I took, I rememeber being hooked. That form of “help” was what was given to me and at the time I truly thought I found that “something” to take it all away. At the time it allowed me to forget “me” and all that mental anguish. And then as u know, years go by and things get sooo bad and we wonder wtf happened?! Lol How did I get here?! No one wakes up thinking they will be an addict or alcoholic. Grieving is painful and uncomfortable but it has to be done. Grieving the past or going thru our traumas I also feel is crucial. I’m done trying to change how I feel. I spent more than half my life trying to change how I felt with drugs and then when I didn’t like the outcome of that experiment, I’d try a diff drug or combinations of drugs to make me feel higher or lower or however I needed to feel at that moment. Bcuz honestly I couldn’t live in my own skin. And I think a big part of recovery (at least for me), is just to be okay in being me (flaws and all) and to love and appreciate myself and my emotions as they are. To sit with my emotions and just observe them and not judge them or try to change them. Just sit and feel them 
we aren’t perfect but I see u trying and succeeding. U inspire me beyond words! 
You’re doing well and u know uv mentioned uv hit a slump. But refocus and get back to that routine u had that made u feel good! Baby steps. That motivation will come back hugs
7 Likes
Don’t feel bad about that. Just talk it over with him, explain him why it is that serious to you
Win-win for the both of you
2 Likes
Checking in, 557 days no alcohol, 67 days no cigarettes. Almost relapsed yesterday on smoking, luckily it was late at night and I decided to stay at home. I haven’t eaten added sugar in 16 days and being at the beginning triggers and amplifies all my other issues. On one hand I feel a lot better physically without all these substances, on the other hand ditching yet another makes me more unstable mentally.
I still have difficulties with my old relationships, it’s hard to open up. When it comes to my best friend, it’s sometimes hard to answer her question as simple as ’how are you’, it paralyzes me. I lost trust in her and maybe I lost interest too. I got so used to her absence from my life, that missing her became lot more familiar than actively being close to her. I still miss her every day, and that feeling just became part of me painlessly, I dread to trade it for a risky closeness where she could leave me or I could sabotage and ruin everything.
Otherwise I’m ok, one of my works got published on the internet (a Polish movie that I had translated the Hungarian dubbing for), so I could finally watch it, and it was very good actually. It really boosts my commitment to my job, because usually I don’t have chance to watch the films after dubbing, I have no feedback, or just a few words from the dubbing studio, so I have no idea how the final version sounds, what voices did they choose, if I used the right lengths and pauses, if it worked in practice or not. This lack of feedback made me question the quality of my work big time lately. So it was really good to see my work come to life, it made my day.
20 Likes
Day 15 well I went and saw my grandfather and it was hard, it hurt I cried and still want to cry, all the memories that raced into my mind. Seeing his modeling and dieting hurt, I’ve helped ppl pass over being a certified nurse assistant I watched way to many ppl die, but they were not my grandfather. I rubbed his sternum a nice and soft and told him I love him and it’s ok to go be with grandma now, he opened his eyes and his lips quivered a little so he heard me and then he went back to sleep. I am grateful I went and said goodbye… and then I got chased around by some of the workers and director of nursing bc they want me to come back, they missed me they said and the director said I was one of the best cnas she ever had. So I had them check to see if my license is even Still valid and it is, said ok I’ll fill out a application. Going to a meeting with my sponsor tonight and looking forward to it, called him last night and had a good talk. Much love
23 Likes
I’m sooo glad u went Mike! He needed u and I also think u needed this too. Hugs! Hope ur day is relaxing today
2 Likes
I am glad you went Mike.
2 Likes
Happy you had that experience with your grandpa. That’s also pretty exciting about a job opportunity - could be a way to honor him by working there again and caring for others like the staff cared for him.
4 Likes