So great to see you dealing with that situation so well! You should be so proud 
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Dana I have heard before that my disease wasnāt my fault because it was the only way I could cope but it hasnāt really registered until you said it, I live with so much self-hatred and blame for what I have done over the past 6 years, though I have nothing but compassion for others.
You see I didnāt, and donāt, get how sick I was and maybe am both mental health and addiction wise. I totally lack insight into myself. I think that tells me how badly I need to work on stepwork from the NA guide which is all about that.
I am so glad to have you as a partner and many others on this forum who are trying to live without medicating their feelings with alcohol or drugs.
Ok Iām going to be funny now cause itās making me smile amidst all this weighty stuffā¦I know youāre in Calgaryā¦ but GO OILERS GO
Kat
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Checking in at 1980 days. Just working from home and waiting for it to be time to pick up the twins at school. Only 4 weeks left of middle school for them, then summer, then high school. My son has bought his English grade up from an F to a C. Heās working hard but at his own pace. My daughter has an intellectual disability, but the new high school will have a lot of new opportunities for her. I am glad I am no longer missing the memories of my kids growing up because of drinking. Have a good sober day peeps!
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Hey guys. Made it to 2 weeks.
Have a great day everyone.
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I agree. I loved being a c.n.a I use to dance for the residents and just have so much fun, I use to work 16 hour shifts pretty much everyday which was ultimately what made me leave, also my addiction. But I filled out the application when I got home I plan on just going per diam so I can pick and choose my shifts.
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Congrats just a day behind me twin. Much love
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Thanks Dana I did need it. Really proud of you and hubby for pulling through and saying no and blocking that dweeb of a dealer. They donāt give a shit about us, you know I had such crazy anxiety trying to be a tattoo artist. Idk how any dealer can have a conscious selling drugs and knowing they killed someone. Fucked up
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Checking in on day 340. I am alcohol free but I cannot stop eating the everything-bagel sourdough bread from Aldi. I need an intervention
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Amazing job, this is such an inspiration!! 
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Wow this is amazing strength on your behalf. I keep reading about these little tests life is throwing at you to test your sobriety. And I know I donāt know you, but I just wanted to say Iām proud of you. You are doing an amazing job. Choosing your sobriety, and saying no especially when it comes from your partnerā¦ I know sometimes my husband and I would be the worst for each other when trying to get sober, one would cave and be like come onnn just one pint and it would knock us over again and start a binge cycle.
Just wanted to say I see you- ur killing it, well done 
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Checking in day 49-
Had a pretty bumpy end to yesterday. Went and saw an accountant about our investment property and she just made me feel really stupid. She was talking really fast and not very helpful. I was just trying to get my head around a few things and make sure we have everything in order for managing our affairs with our first investment. It really bummed me out.
I was pretty irritated, and defeated. I was tired and really hungry. I could see myself wanting to binge eat crap food or do something to feel better. I ended up having dinner and a long shower and putting myself to bed.
Today is a new day, Iām going to keep working on our goals, Iāll read more and get myself better educated. Stay sober and awesome everyone. Thanks for reading x
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16 hr shifts sound brutal. But with ur sensitivity uād be a great na, and also knowing u are doing such a valuable job would help with your self esteem, I think.
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Checking in on day 10 (almost 11) of being weed free. Still getting back into the swing of things with work, but I can feel my brain actually working 
what a concept huh! I work from home so I used to just sit at my computer all day long while smoking and I would essentially do nothing. I can feel myself becoming less and less conscious of my sobriety, and itās even starting to feel like my natural state again. I donāt miss being high every moment of the day, and I now cannot believe that is how I had āfunctionedā for years. Thereās a mental clarity that Iāve gained that is way more satisfying than any high.
Take care, everyone 
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Checking in substance-free for 870 days.
I am still trying to find balance in my life, and it isnāt easy. The best I can do is take it one day at a time, or else I find myself getting a little overwhelmed, and then nothing gets done. Procrastination seems to be my go-to when I have a lot on my plate; strange yes, but I guess I just shut down. It has been helpful to look at things by prioritizing them and only taking on as many things as I can fit into one day. I have been busy making some crafty little bits to sell on Etsy, so thatās taken up some time. I love working with my hands; it heals me, the heart-to-hand connection is therapeutic. Getting an Etsy store up and running takes some effort. You have to take photos, upload photos, organize shipping costs, etc. None of it would be getting done if I were still loaded. I have attempted things like this so many times and never followed through. Partly because of the unmedicated ADHD and partly because I was too messed up and would lose my drive. Things are so different today; my days are fluid. There are not many highs and lows anymore, and if I have them, they are minor and easy to navigate. My life has never been like this before. I have always struggled and only just gotten by. Recovery shows me that if I put in the work, I will reap the benefits. Therefore, this balance that I am looking for these days needs to be heavy on the recovery side, or else I will have no life to be balanced.
Congrats everyone on your recovery.
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Good evening everyone. Checking in on day 270. Still dealing with a lot of medical issues but making day by day. Hope everyone stays safe and takes care.
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Exactlyā¦you nailed it!!
I also agree that idle hands create problems and keeping busy sober has a flow I never experienced previously.
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Tonight will be day 77 of no self harm
Had therapy today. It went well but I talked about how things are with my family and that made me realize how little they care/notice. Kind of wish I didnāt bring it up. I realized that I canāt remember the last time Iāve had a positive interaction with my parents. We havenāt spent any time together in years. Itās a depressing realization. Itās making me want to self harm but the urge is pretty minimal right now.
Something positive: I ate a meal
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Hi all, checking in here to congratulate people here (below!) and also to get the squirrelly addict voice out of my head and into the world - I need to see it as separate from myself, so I can draw a line: this is not me. I am not this person.
I am having thoughts of using, stronger than theyāve been for some months now. I am a little taken aback by this. I think I need to take some time to do a personal inventory and see what is happening here, what I may be neglecting, that is putting me at risk and bringing up these old dysfunctional ācopingā behaviours. Man those addict pathways are still there in the brain. Theyāre always there, and if we stop being balanced or caring for ourselves, we can slip back into them.
What am I not doing? I may not be speaking up enough about how nervous I am about this entrepreneurial project. For the last four months itās been something Iāve been planning, but this week is when I finally quit my old corporate job and now I officially have no more corporate paycheques. (I do have money set aside for launching my new company, but still, there is much more risk.)
I feel like Iām not relaxing enough. I may need to take some time to have a hot bath or something. Some epsom salt. Iāve been running myself ragged the past few weeks crossing off odds and ends.
I will take some time tomorrow morning to exercise and to meditate about this. And for now, tonight, I will have a bath.
Notes to some of the other lovely folks here:
@SadMemeQueen Eating a meal is solid. Iām not kidding. Itās something to feel good about that you took time to nourish your body; itās the same thing as taking time to water plants in your garden - itās the same kind of love.
@Dolse71 - 604 days! That is awesome! Good for you brother 
@HillbillyChris Congrats brother, thatās 270 one-day-at-a-times - thatās solid. Medical issues are hard, they get right to our core. Remember life never gives you what you canāt handle. Dig deep 
@Its_me_Stella āProcrastination seems to be my go-to when I have a lot on my plate; strange yes, but I guess I just shut downā lordy do I get that, completely. Good for you for putting in the work, day by day, to be aware of your unique mental self and find your space, your rhythm, that works for you. Youāre growing - and thatās great!
@mactune Good for you on those double digits! That clarity is nice isnāt it? Life is still there, life is still complex and often challenging, but youāre not running into numbness any more - and that is huge. Good work - keep it up!
@Alycia That sucks about that conversation with the accountant. Iāve had lots of days like that over the years where you get to the end of the day and feel about one inch tall. I admire your courage in getting home, looking yourself in the mirror, and saying youāll do a simple, next right thing for yourself (a hot shower is always a good idea 
). You have strength in you like the ocean, currents running deep; you will find what you need. Keep taking it one step at a time.
@Deep 2 weeks forward, one day at a time! Good for you
@Kareness Wow - your kids have made so much progress! That is awesome news. I think it also speaks to a stubborn desire to get better - probably runs in the familyā¦ 
Good for you guys. Itās time for a treat! Maybe a day at the water park? If that interests them
@anon53116147 Iām happy to hear you had that last moment with your grandpa. Iām sure he was grateful you were there. Itās a big loss, and I know it hurts. I think anyone would feel that way; I know I hurt deeply when my grandma died a few years back. But he is with you today, as you move into your next steps, personally (with your girls) and professionally (with whatever your next step is). Take care brother and donāt give up; one step at a time is how we all move forward, all the time
@Tomek congratulations on 557 days no booze! And the 67 days without cigarettes too. Big steps forward, one day at a time. And Iām happy to hear about your work being published! That is awesome! Itās so hard in production when youāre one part of a much larger operation; Iām happy to hear about you seeing this work in its final product. Iām glad it turned out well. Something to feel good about!
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