@Lorelai Sorry to hear about your loved one. I am glad your sobriety allows you to be present with them. 
@vaariesga Congratulations! 
@BrianP My deepest condolences.
@Mindymoo Rant away! I would want to rant too! Exactly, let him stay as he is, while you grow.
Iām back and hate myself for complaining, but I have no one else to share it with. Iām mad at the world right now. Well, actually now Iām pissed at autocorrect that canāt get anything right and Iām constantly fixing.
Iām tired of waking up with unbelievable pain. Iām tired that when I sprained my ankle/wrists several weeks ago, they are not getting better. I struggle with the dumbest shit that most take for granted. Iām tired of being exhausted all the time even though I drink a shitload of coffee and tea everyday. I do my F@#in best to stay positive and keep telling myself this will get better, but everyday itās the same. (I have RA, itās a chronic disease that is causing most of this, Iāve had over 2 decades, I did see my doctor a few weeks ago).
I donāt know if Iām going to make it here, I donāt plan on drinking tonight, I donāt know about tomorrow. I have no plans on it. I want to be sober. Iāve lived so long masking my pain with alcohol, I didnāt realize how bad it was. I pray everyday for God to help me out. I DO have faith. I need some relief. Sorry, needed to get my anger out. 
Ugh Maxie. Thatās sounds unbearable. And it certainly is exhausting. When Iāve had pain. Not like yours. Osteoarthritis both hips. Got them replaced a long time ago. Any wayā¦ā¦ I was always so tired. I really sucks.
It must be very hard to stay positive. I wish I could give you some answers or ideas. But I remember numbing my pain with booze. It didnāt actually help. I just got drunk. And Iād still be in pain. And passed out on the couch. And then hungover. So we both know thatās not a solution. Acupuncture? It works for some. I tried it. It felt real trippy and relaxing but after I still had pain. Iām sorry you got this going on in your life. Keep letting it out here. We are here the best we can be for you.
Big hugs my friend.
Oh and I think you got plenty of reasons to complain. So let it out!!
I went to the doctor today and found out that Iāve gained 22 lbs in three months which is a bit alarming. On top of this I suddenly have high blood pressure. Both are probably related to my antidepressants, but I have also been eating like trash recently and been a bit of a couch potato. So I need to cut out sugar and processed crap and start exercising more regularly. Who knew. Anyway, checking in on day 381 for alcohol and Day 0 for sugar/unhealthy eating.
Hey Drew. Congrats on the 381
After I got some time under my belt, which was a couple of notches bigger 
I had to cut back on the sweets too.
I use the no added sugar thread and the weight loss check in thread regularly along with a few others.
I also find brisk 30 minute walks do wonders for my mind and body.
Come check us out if your interested.
Thanks, Eric! Iāll check it out.
I had some beers yesterday and they gave me extreme anxiety today. I know I can stay clean as I did so for the entirety of 2021 for my New Yearās resolution and it was one of the best decisions Iāve ever made. I need to get a good nights sleep tonight, wake up and go for my morning run, and know that tomorrowās a beginning of a new day.
Day 118 of no self harm
I started my new job today. Remote customer service. Today was just setting up our equipment. It was extremely infuriating. Thereās 50+ people in one training class. It seems at least half of them have little to no idea on how to use a computer. Iām trying to appreciate the fact that Iām getting paid for waiting around, but I just want to be actually doing something, otherwise Iām just sitting there with my thoughts.
Not feeling too great today. A lot anxiety for no reason. Really wanting to self destruct right now.
Aww @Mindymoo im sorry you arent getting the support from your partner. That sucks. Can you try talking to him when hes not drinking? Will your ask be considered then? Would he read a note if you write your sincere thoughts to him?
Evening check in. Almost complete with day 3. Work wasnāt too bad today. My anxiety slowed down after being at my desk for a couple hours and talking to my coworker. Sheās an awesome and supportive person. Iām glad to be with my family, having a cup of tea and winding down for the evening.
Near the end of day 2. Unsure of how to feel honestly. I know this is whatās best for me. Being high is fun, but spending the next several days recovering while trying to focus on work and keeping the home life together, sucked. Normally I be cruising for the next one nighter right about now, instead I cooked for the first time in over two weeks. Walked the pup and now gonna clean up a bit and pack tomorrowās lunch.
As great as it feels, I have to be honest, itās also lonely. As quickly as I think it, I dismiss it, the little voice inside my head saying, āit wasnāt that bad, you just have to control and moderate its use better.ā
Is this normal?
Yep, totally normal. The obsession to drink or use like a gentleman, or lady, or respectable person is maddening. Only when you truly realise you canāt moderate any more than you can fly in the sky, will you be free.
And for me, if I think logically, I was more lonely drinking. I spent so much time alone drinking āproperlyā (to blackout) hungover, etc. I have more time and energy for socialising now.v
1116, 2466, 5
Quick check in before I have to go and do a day of business emergency training or how you call it in English. In Dutch we simply say bedrijfshulpverleningtraining. Whatever the name Iām glad Iām sober and clean. One day at a time.
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Make it clean and sober or nothing will come of it. Love from Luna and me.
Happy 9 weeks sober Brian!
Thinking about you @BrianP ā¦ so hard what you are going through. Proud of you for staying sober. Take care and cry your tears and grieve your grief. Hugs
Checking in. Keeping at it. Lately I have again started to feel this heavily tiredness with no energy. Its hard to keep up a normal Day with work, Kids and everything, when I wake up feeling more dead then when I got to bed.
Maxine I can really relate, especially to thisā¦
I felt the exact same way.
It actually scared me a lot when I realized how much pain I was looking at facing on the daily and that now I was going to attempt it sober. I have no magic answer for you, I only have proof that it can be done, we can get through our bad days. Somedays I still go hour by hour, somedays I hop on here while I am in tears in a parking lot because I am in so much pain and am too exhausted to unpack my cart, and somedays all I can do is read because typing takes too much energy. All of that is ok, as long as I get my butt to bed sober those nights too. It has started to get easier, my days have started to become better, I am becoming used to my body without substances.
I am glad that you are letting your feelings out here. I have been a part of quite a few chronic pain support groups that I found helpful, maybe thatās an option for you too?
I am here to vent to or chat with anytime.
