That’s so funny. That song is exactly the feeling I have, so often. The lyrics about lifting the weight of expectations and how that would create room for joy and simple pleasure - that is exactly what my experience feels like.
It’s so interesting you shared this song specifically because that’s exactly the topic I’ve been reflecting on, all day today. I came on here just now to get it out of my head and into writing.
I’ve been spending my day doing important tasks around my house: I jogged, fed the cats, ate breakfast, set up our hose reel to store the garden hose, exchanged some texts with a friend, spent time on TS, has a healthy lunch, a nap, now doing some more tasks around the house getting ready for our tenant moving in tomorrow, then after that I’m ending my day with a BBQ at my father’s place.
All useful tasks right? Not frivolous. Not a waste of anything.
Why do I feel like I’m not doing the right things?
What expectations do I think I’m not fulfilling here?
Do I expect to have everything in order? To be ahead of the ball on everything that matters? (What matters? All the stuff I’m doing today matters, so what is it that I think I should be doing other than this? There are other things that are helpful and do matter: my basement needs organizing and my office too, both of which are places where some important items have disappeared in piles / stacks of stuff. But am I a bad person for not having done that?)
It’s weird. I feel like I’m a bad person for having a messy basement and messy files but at the same time, no one is dying, the world is not ending. It’s a monkey on my back whispering self-doubt in my ear.
I’ve made it to 30 days. I’m very tired after a very long weekend of travel to see my parents. It was great to see them and they very kindly gave me a load of donations for my new flat.
I spent my drive back thinking about my addition and the voice in my head. It’s alway present always urging, but I feel good for getting to 30 days and not submitting to it. I do however feel that I have lost touch with how I am feeling over the last week. All the good and bad emotions have been like white noise and I think I need to take some time to take a step back, commit to less things and just take things day by day.
There are times for looking at the big picture and times for moving one step at a time to get through the day. Sounds like you had a productive day. Maybe today was the day for small steps of progress. The other two sound like larger blocks of chores. Just because those two are still waiting to be done doesn’t mean all the smaller things you accomplished don’t mean anything. Stop being so hard on yourself. You don’t deserve it. Enjoy your bbq tonight and remember, sometimes overthinking things falls into the negative. Let go and relax, luv, you deserve it.
@Minatasha sorry to hear that. I’ve been really low recently but today I felt tiny things started to change. I smiled at someone and they smiled back, I managed to finally sew up the pillow so the feathers stop coming out, I went for a great walk along the canal.
Hang on in there it won’t last forever. Duvet days are ok sometimes. Anger is an ok feeling to have
30 days is an important milestone, at least it was to me (and I had several 30 days milestones early on ). Good for you, and good that you sound like you’re gaining some new perspective, also. Congrats on the new flat!
Thanks Sassy2 (I’m calling you Sassy2 to distinguish you from @SassyRocks, who I call “Sassy”), you’re right. Time to be gentle with myself today.
I appreciate you talking this out with me. The squirrels in my head spin themselves into knots and it helps to have someone talk through things with me
Great job on 5 days.
I start each day in my journal with those words. “I’m not drinking today” It’s working so far. Just keep on doing what you’re doing
Thank you for checking in! Turning to your community for support and strength is a great way to help get you through those tough days. You’ve been doing a wonderful job so far, stay strong and take things one day, one minute, one second at a time if need be!
Thanks for checking in! Do you need to vent at all? We’re here for you if you need us. I’m sorry you’re having a bad day but I hope you’ll be able to find something to lift your spirits today even if it’s small.
It’s amazing how quickly that voice creeps back when you take your eye off the ball. Well done for recognising it and stepping up your recovery work.
I realised that I was becoming a bit complacent and needed to up my game too. Didn’t take long for me to feel stronger and back to where I was.
Keep on keeping on
It sounds like maybe you’re needing a bit of rest and relaxation? I know it can be hard with such a full plate and a list of to-do’s but rest is equally as important as all of that! Sometimes it can be a good thing to just sit and let your brain and body slow down and catch a break. Additionally, giving yourself space to just sit might help you to identify what’s wrong.
I can relate to how you’re feeling because I’m getting to be in the same boat. I’m doing all this stuff yet somehow I feel dissatisfied… lacking in some way. Life has been constantly busy the past two weeks and part of it is just life, but I can’t shake the feeling that part of it is because I’m avoiding facing my stuff. My feelings, sobriety, etc.
Thank you for checking in and sharing your thoughts! I guess I didn’t realize all that until I read your post. I suppose as long as we’re able to identify what’s wrong or what’s missing that’s the first step to changing it… kinda like getting sober/clean! Lol
I hope you’re able to find what you need so you can work on bringing it into your life
Congratulations on your 30 days! so proud of you for the work you’ve put in this far. It sounds like you know exactly what you need to do to rest and recoup after such a busy weekend. Take a break- you deserve it!
Checking in on sobriety day 407. I’ve had an incredible Father’s day. My last one I was just over 30 days sober, still in a fog, not sure I’d make it. This year I’ve been clear, present, and amazed at how much my life has improved in sobriety over the last year. The most incredible gift I have received today by far was that of my 18 year old stepson giving me copies of legal documents he filed changing his last name to mine now that he is a legal adult. I haven’t been able to adopt him for the last 15 years I’ve raised him because his deadbeat father would call once a year or so meaning I could not sue for rights removal based on no contact. That’s the only interaction he has ever done. No gifts, visits, financial or emotional support of any sort. My boy and I have struggled as any teen and parent relationship does, and certainly exacerbated by alcohol over the years, but I was speechless at this gesture today. I’m humbled and grateful today. Happy Father’s day to all of you out there ot applies to. It’s a great day to be above ground and sober.
This is a good point. I don’t think I’ve done that recently; I’ve kind of been on a plateau.
It’s weird, I don’t feel like I know where to start doing that. I am in touch with a sex addiction recovery clinic in my city. I will contact them and see what is available, maybe there’s someone I can talk to.
). Good for you, and good that you sound like you’re gaining some new perspective, also. Congrats on the new flat!
, who I call “Sassy”), you’re right. Time to be gentle with myself today.
so proud of you for the work you’ve put in this far. It sounds like you know exactly what you need to do to rest and recoup after such a busy weekend. Take a break- you deserve it! 
